Breaking: White House Kitchen Undergoes Remodeling. Staff Quits in Protest

Last edited Sun Jan 21, 2018, 03:35 PM - Edit history (1)

Dissatisfied with the food being prepared by the current White House chef, Donald Trump, the current occupant of the White House, is calling in expert kitchen designers from McDonald's Corporate headquarters to duplicate the equipment used in the fast-food giant's franchise kitchens. Discussions with McDonald's designers and Mr. Trump were accidentally recorded. We have obtained a copy of it from a source who insisted on anonymity. In that recording, Trump was heard to say, "I want my double cheeseburgers and Filets-O-Fish done correctly. And my fries, too. I hate that 'hot quisine' the White House kitchen passes off as good food now!"

Rumors have it that the White House chef has handed in his resignation, along with the resignations of his entire staff. Young workers from the McDonald's franchise near the White House were seen lining up to apply for the vacant positions. One hopeful applicant said, "I sure hope I get the job. I'm a fully-trained french fry artist already. Do you know if the White House pays minimum wage or what?"

When asked about how the new kitchen would handle state dinners, Press Secretary Sarah Huckleberry sneered, "What state dinners? If someone shows up at supper time from some foreign country, we'll order up some Chicken McNuggets or something to feed them with. They're in America, aren't they? Let them have a taste of real, All-American cooking!"