There probably exists a dog who would attempt to befriend that thing, but it would be cruel to the dog to allow it.

We should take up a collection and buy Donald a pet that shares his warmth and personality -- a nice tapeworm.

Which just feeds into the absurd rumor that he's a germaphobe. He certainly wasn't worried about germs when he had unprotected sex.

Like his supposed sobriety.

the best he can attract is Stephen Miller.