The brain of Trump

Trump has a very bad case of a pervasive undiagnosed mental disorder called sex on the wrong brain, or sowb.

To help understand how Trump’s brain works imagine sex energy or reproductive urges as a herd of horny stallions. Since he has a small brain they have to be very small stallions.

Those stallions are impatient and they want satisfaction. They’re supposed to go to the parts of the brain used for emotion, creativity to woo a mate and get into his or her loincloth, the actual sex, and finally orgasm and reproduction (not necessarily in that order). For simplicity’s sake I’ll put those functions together on one side of the brain — the right side.

The problem is Trump has been herding those powerful horny stallions to the left side, where math and logic gets done. He’s trapping them there with a very strong high wall in between the two sides. They can’t jump it and he’s been using that horny stallion energy for logic and mathematics.

Those horny stallions are powerful and can help keep the left side of his brain going all day as long as long as he gives them plenty of Big Macs and diet Cokes. There’s less energy for emotion, creativity, sex, and orgasm but it may be a useful trade-off if you’re building an empire. There’s not much time for emotion or real sex anyway, and creativity is easy to hire out or steal.

But those powerful horny stallions frustrated, and impatient. And they want satisfaction.

$2 + $2 = $4 is not very satisfying. $2MIL + $2MIL = $4MIL may be more satisfying but the horny stallions still want more. $2BIL + $2BIL = $4BIL is even more satisfying but there’s no orgasm for the horny stallions. They get restless. They still want more, bigger, faster……

Is that where unregulated capitalism comes from?

He also uses that stallion power for important decisions and problem solving and that involves logic.

Logic tries to be patient and objective and use facts but the stallions want quick results. For them, thinking is like foreplay. The uncertainty frustrates them and they can’t wait for logic to finish. They just want quick easy answers to get the thinking over with. For the randy stallions the closest thing to orgasm is conclusion, finality, and certainty.

There are lots of quick easy answers to choose from but logic can’t make them work. The universe is infinite and nature is complicated, mysterious, and unpredictable and the quick easy answers often just don’t make sense. Logic doesn’t mind waiting and resists but the horny stallions get more frustrated. Eventually the frustration turns into stress, anxiety, and fear. The horny stallions stampede.

Logic finally panics and looks around again for the quick easy answers that might calm the stampeding stallions. There are many options because other humans with sex on the wrong brain have been creating quick easy answers for centuries for just this occasion — yes or no, black or white, good or evil, one side or the other side, bigly greatness or terrible awfulness.

Logic realizes that if it’s going to accept the irrational absolutes it’s going to have to use creativity to rationalize them. But Trump’s creativity is isolated and underused on the other side of the wall.

Eventually logic discovers a gate in the wall. The Gate Of Denial.

Logic opens the gate to the right side so creativity can help it deny reality and rationalize the easy answers and that’s when some of the stallions finally escape to have their way in the pleasure centers on the other side.

That’s the pleasure of I’m-always-right-and-you’re-alway’s-wrong certitude. That’s why it feels good to be an ignorant liar.

That’s when logic learns its lesson and decides it won’t wait so long next time the stallions get scared.

So the next time you see that grin on the ignorant liar’s face just think about those lucky little stallions who escaped and are finally humping their brains out in fields of pleasure somewhere over his right eye.


Adapted from Sex On the Wrong Brain, by Ard Falten

Oh, I nearly forgot....

This research — Political Conservatism as Motivated Social Cognition John T. Jost John T. Jost, Arie W. Kruglanski, Jack Glaser, Frank J. Sulloway 2003, explains that the dominant motivator of conservatives, authoritarians, and fascists is the need to avoid uncertainty.

Sex on the wrong brain may explain where that need comes from.


Sex on the wrong brain is caused by masturbating with the wrong hand, for most people the hand connected to the left side of the brain. About 90% of humans are right handed and likely learn sex with that hand, burning in long lasting faulty wiring.

Symptoms of sex on the wrong brain include ignorance, greed, fascism, misogyny, racism, sexual dysfunction….

In most modern human societies sowb has been normalized and its symptoms often dismissed as “human nature”.

Most modern humans have sowb but within the wide spectrum of human genetic and experiential diversity some people and populations are more susceptible to it than others. Some of its symptoms, such as greed or increased suspicion of strangers, could provide short term competitive advantage and survival value that may have selected for sowb-susceptible gene pools.

In authoritarian societies sowb is rewarded. By design or default sexual repression increases sowb levels, prevents its diagnosis, and hides the simple preventive cure.

Those who are good at denying reality and rationalizing the irrational and can help others discover the pleasure of certainty in the face of overwhelming uncertainty may become leaders.

Symptoms may be reduced if there is a healthy regular use of creativity and emotion and ongoing cooperation between the two sides of the brain. While most liberals also have some sowb too the wall may be shorter and those reproductive impulses may be more likely to wander through the left side and find their way over to the right side to fuel emotion, creativity to woo a mate, sex, orgasm, and reproduction.