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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsMy mom died last night.
She was the wind beneath my wings. She fought the psych system ,the school system to get me help for my illness. She came up every Saturday to see me all the years in the psych hospitals.
She never stopped caring.
She even helped me get part of my transition surgery done that has brought me peace inside.
She was my champion,my guardian
My advocate and she was so good to me through so much bad.
I am thankful to have had her by my side growing up.
I miss her so much,my whole body hurts today. One day when I was at her place before she moved to Virginia to live with her sister Loretta she suddenly one day got racked by a stroke. I caught it and I called the ambulance,and okayed the clot busting drugs that gave her the ability to be coherent
Fora little more time.
I saw her with my sisters taking the 8 hour drive to see her. She declined so fast in a short time she was dramatically changed in a few short months.
I will always be grateful to my sister as we saw her alive in December. Before she passed last night January 2nd..
This past August it was her 90th birthday My sisters and I took the long trip to Galax to celebrate. Mom was aware and engaged back than. We threw her a birthday bash. She was even featured in the local newspaper.
She had a great time, We took her outside in her wheelchair and celebrated she was so happy under the tree with her huge brimmed sun hat soaking up the sunshine and love.
Last time I saw her was this past December, She was so damaged by the aging process. All of it happened so fast it shattered my heart.
She began to have worse Parkinson's symptoms ,she struggled with it, She was diagnosed with Supra nuclear palsy.
It's a terrible uncommon neurological disease that causes her muscles to lock up and it interferes with swallowing and speech. She was basically locked inside her body wanting to talk but she couldn't..
Her muscles in her arms were locked in the mummy position with wrists crossed on her chest. Her hands looked like talons because of the locked muscles.
I was lucky to feed her breakfast one last time. Loretta told me she didn't let anyone feed her but me. After she ate I sat with her a long time,before we went back home the next morning.
I so miss her.
Mom,there are no words to say how much I love you. And I will love you forever.
CaliforniaPeggy
(149,739 posts)malaise
(269,219 posts)Deepest sympathy I_UndergroundPanther
mercuryblues
(14,547 posts)She stood by you and taught you well. When you are having trouble or doubt, just ask yourself, "What would Mom do?" She has given you everything you need to go forward.
AJT
(5,240 posts)I am so sorry.
dewsgirl
(14,961 posts)Metatron
(1,258 posts)I'm sorry for your loss.
Hekate
(90,865 posts)No matter how long expected, the loss of a mother is a blow, the break of a link to our past. May your memories be a blessing.
Atticus
(15,124 posts)does get bearable and less all-consuming.
AJT
(5,240 posts)calimary
(81,527 posts)Just know there are many of us here who share your pain. Many of us have had to walk down one or more of those paths too. So we have lots of pairs of shoulders for you to lean against.
AJT
(5,240 posts)emmaverybo
(8,144 posts)beloved mothers.
BigMin28
(1,184 posts)So sorry for your loss. She sounds like a great lady and mother.
dewsgirl
(14,961 posts)losing a parent, no matter how old we are. I am happy you got that last bit if time with her.
CentralMass
(15,265 posts)peacebuzzard
(5,183 posts)Metatron
(1,258 posts)I am so sorry for your loss.
babylonsister
(171,102 posts)in this lovely tribute. I just know she loved you, too. My condolences. It's not at all easy, but it gets easier.
Jane Austin
(9,199 posts)She cared for you for a long, long time.
I like to think she will continue to watch over you and love you.
sheshe2
(83,966 posts)And a for your mom.
Ohiogal
(32,118 posts)Freddie
(9,275 posts)There is no love like a mothers love. Lost my mom almost 6 years ago and still miss her every day.
mia
(8,363 posts)I'm sure your mother knew how much you admired and loved her.
TygrBright
(20,773 posts)DesertRat
(27,995 posts)Karadeniz
(22,587 posts)Want. She might try to let you know she's here, a feather, a penny on the ground. It sounds like she raised a wonderful, strong child, a job well done. You two were so close, yes, part of you is gone. You will always miss her, but it will get better. My deepest sympathy.
Hekate
(90,865 posts)She loved you with all her heart, and that kind of love will never die.
Atticus
(15,124 posts)small measure of comfort. I was devastated by my Mom's death at 74 from ovarian cancer, but eventually---eventually I was able to understand that it only hurt so much because she had been such a great loving "rock" in my life. She would have wanted me to be strong and to "go on". And, so I have.
Healing is a slow process and never quite finished. I still tear up 16 years after her death when I wish so badly to tell her just once more how much I loved her. But, there are also times when memories of her make me smile.
I hope you find a level of peace soon.
TruckFump
(5,812 posts)She was my rock and the best person I ever had in my life. So, I look at it that I am luckier than most because someone loved me that much. Yes, and I too smile when I think of her.
bdamomma
(63,931 posts)for your loss, she lives in you.
appalachiablue
(41,182 posts)for your loss Panther.
Different Drummer
(7,652 posts)ancianita
(36,160 posts)You'll feel her with you at unexpected times, and you'll be comforted.
TruckFump
(5,812 posts)Remember that she will always be in your heart.
spanone
(135,900 posts)BigmanPigman
(51,642 posts)My dad died suddenly, in his sleep and he was healthy too. This was my first Christmas without him and it was awful. He died on a Friday so now I hate Fridays.
Please take care of yourself. I found myself doing stupid things since I couldn't concentrate. I knew it was due to my dad and I didn't berate myself. I can't wait to feel less pain but it hasn't happened yet.
LuckyCharms
(17,463 posts)My dad died suddenly on a Friday night as well, many years ago. I hated Fridays for a long time. My mom died recently a couple of days before my birthday, and now I hate my birthday.
Hang in there...it doesn't ever leave you, but it does get better...the pain will become less sharp and the good memories will become more prominent. The first Christmas is the worst.
BigmanPigman
(51,642 posts)I have found that I cry at the drop of a hat. If I see anything on TV that is either sweet or terrible I get teary right away. I am normally emotional and overly sensitive but this is way beyond my "normal". I am sure it is due to my dad. My little dog is almost 17 and I keep checking to see if she is still breathing....I am super paranoid about losing her any minute too. It'll probably happen on my birthday.
LuckyCharms
(17,463 posts)I'll share this...I cry all of the time. A 61 year old male, and I don't just cry, I sob. It doesn't matter where I am either. I've been like that since my mom died. It was a horrible time when she died, because there were other causes of horrible stress happening at the same time, other than her death.
I don't like to throw around the term PTSD, but it is "PTSD like".So now, I cry. 3 times today, and I don't even worry about it anymore. I don't care who is around, I'll cry. I talked to a professional about it, and he told me not to worry, to let the tears flow.
And when I listen to music...well, forget about it. Guaranteed sobbing.
BigmanPigman
(51,642 posts)to buy some stock in the Kleenex Co. next week. Sniff, sniff.
orleans
(34,085 posts)i'm sure you've heard this already but i'll still say it: "firsts" are always hard (first christmas, first new year's, first everything). and for many people (including me) the "seconds" still sucked. so did the "thirds" and "fourths" but not as much as the firsts and seconds.
this past holiday season (from halloween on) was the 11th year w/o my mom--and probably the first time i didn't cry or break down.
i remember i couldn't concentrate or focus either. i used to hear my mom's voice in my head telling me: "just go slow" and i'd slow down and take her advice. that seemed to help (even with goofy things like getting up from the kitchen chair so i wouldn't lose my balance or trip).
i remember getting some "bereavement" handouts from...? (a hospice worker? hospital social worker? who knows--someone gave me about ten pages stapled together) and my adult daughter would ask me if i'd read it yet (as if it would help, as if it could possibly take away my anguish). i couldn't. i couldn't read a damn thing about death & grief for about five months.(i couldn't read anything else either--i'd come on du and post in the bereavement group and that was about it.) i couldn't focus on what i was reading, couldn't follow it, and the small bit of what i did gleam from things pertaining to loss only made my pain worse.
eventually i did begin reading. i found my greatest comfort in what i lovingly refer to as "woo woo" books (about spirits and communicating across the divide--but that was always a part of my family's belief system). i also read a lot of "regular" books on grief. those seemed to help a bit too.
i saw an author on tv a few weeks ago and just got the book from the library the other day: "finding meaning; the sixth stage of grief" by david kessler. (he did some work years ago with elisabeth kubler-ross.) anyway, it's not really a "woo woo" book (i didn't think it would be) and it's pretty good. you might have a look at it...when you're ready. just a suggestion.
take care.
BigmanPigman
(51,642 posts)Only a few days ago I was rushing through something, as I normally do, and I took a breath and slowed down and did the task more carefully. Afterwards I wondered why I did that and realized my dad, who was very thorough and meticulous, must have sent me vibrations to remind me to more careful.
I have an old paperback called "How to Survive the Loss of a Love" which pertains to any loss (a partner, a job, a pet, etc) and the page that I think is right on is a chart that shows the path of grieving and it looks like a jagged lightening bolt that goes up and down but overall ends up going higher....meaning that it takes time. I want to fast forward through the lows though since it hurts so damn much.
calimary
(81,527 posts)That was his birthday.
I think the holidays bring all that bittersweet stuff to the fore. Every year, we cant help reassess and think back.
Im glad we have a place like this where we can all huddle together against the cold, and help each other stay warm.
BigmanPigman
(51,642 posts)You've got me tearing up with your kindness! I cry all the time over nothing now. I was watching the Golden Globes and got teary several times...that never happened before.
badhair77
(4,222 posts)My mother passed in 1997 and it still hurts. But it sounds as if you gave her so much her last years. Rest assured that giving will come back to you and youll take solace in that memory. I wish you peace as you feel your way through your grief.
shenmue
(38,506 posts)pnwmom
(109,009 posts)it's still a tremendous loss.
My experience was that the grief came in waves -- waves that could knock me flat at first, but over time, the waves packed less of a wallop, and didn't last as long.
I wish you healing from your loss -- but I'm glad you had such a wonderful mother.
magicarpet
(14,187 posts)chowder66
(9,087 posts)InAbLuEsTaTe
(24,123 posts)tblue37
(65,502 posts)mitigate the pain of losing her. (I have to admit, your story made me cry.)
mountain grammy
(26,659 posts)lunasun
(21,646 posts)MaryMagdaline
(6,856 posts)What a loving relationship ... her to you and you to her. What a gift to have a child caring for her to the end
ismnotwasm
(42,020 posts)jrthin
(4,839 posts)StarryNite
(9,461 posts)You were lucky to have her and she was lucky to have you. It so sadly all goes by so fast...
cate94
(2,816 posts)dflprincess
(28,086 posts)Losing our moms is something we can never be ready for.
FailureToCommunicate
(14,026 posts)longer to let you all say goodbye.
It may be a small consolation for your loss... but after a great loss like she must have been...even a small consolation is a blessing.
I wish for you some rest, to be able to face the next few days.
bubbazero
(296 posts)Truly, she raised a child to an adult that is eminently worthy of her great LOVE. Your LOVE for her is a reflection on both you and her. Peace to you!
littlemissmartypants
(22,839 posts)But I agree with Karadeniz. She'll always be there for you. Watch and listen for the signs. Sending you love and hugs and strength as you move through the the sadness. Stay strong. Stay encouraged. ❤
Duppers
(28,127 posts)Sending you much sympathy and cyber hugs.
My mother died a year, 2 days ago.
Stuart G
(38,453 posts)sinkingfeeling
(51,482 posts)mr_lebowski
(33,643 posts)You sound like a wonderful person, I'm sure she was very proud of you (( ))
for all our loved ones who've passed ...
sprinkleeninow
(20,268 posts)🕯
bronxiteforever
(9,287 posts)For your mom
randr
(12,417 posts)will fill your sails forever
PlanetBev
(4,104 posts)And please take good care of yourself. 🌹
RestoreAmerica2020
(3,439 posts)DarthDem
(5,257 posts)My best to you in a difficult time. Your mom sounds like she was a wonderful, wonderful person. RIP.
pdxflyboy
(678 posts)Im very sorry for your loss.
ClusterFreak
(3,112 posts)...and was comforted by an outpouring of support. I am always glad - but never surprised - whenever others here experience the compassion I did.
My sincerest condolences on your loss.
irisblue
(33,036 posts)soldierant
(6,938 posts)that I feel you have allowed me to meet her, and I mourn her with you.
My deepest condolences
regnaD kciN
(26,045 posts)Demonaut
(8,931 posts)CousinIT
(9,264 posts)May she rest in eternal peace.
I know she will live on forever in your memories and in your heart.
Peace and strength to you too, my friend, at this most difficult time.
Anon-C
(3,430 posts)nolabear
(41,999 posts)I can see her. It helps that I know Galax. But you did her proud. Im very sorry it was such a long, hard road for her at the end. She was clearly loved out of this life, though, and who can ask for more?
Peace to all who love her. ❤️
Maraya1969
(22,507 posts)I'm happy you had a wonderful mom though.
May you find some peace during this trying time.
madaboutharry
(40,234 posts)Peaceful thoughts to you and all your family. How lucky you were to have so much love from your mom.
yardwork
(61,715 posts)Laura PourMeADrink
(42,770 posts)it's like when you are younger - to see your parents wither and die - doesn't even enter your mind. It's absolutely devastating when it happens. Will be thinking about you !
vercetti2021
(10,156 posts)I cannot imagine the pain of losing a mom. I'm going to be a wreck when that day comes. Cuz really mothers are really what give us life in this world.
UniteFightBack
(8,231 posts)now but I lost my Mom when I was 24 and it's been really hard to live life without her and my Dad and I know you are feeling like that too. You can be 24 or 64 and still feel like an orphan.
For you and your Mom
" Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die."
Mary Elizabeth Frye
brokephibroke
(1,883 posts)And give yourself plenty of space and time. Its tough, sorry about your mom.
a kennedy
(29,723 posts)lapucelle
(18,361 posts)onecaliberal
(32,931 posts)proud patriot
(100,715 posts):hug;
handmade34
(22,758 posts)brer cat
(24,625 posts)LuckyCharms
(17,463 posts)Danmel
(4,932 posts)We are never really ready to say goodbye to our parents. Wishing you comfort and strength from your sweet memories of your beloved mom.
Marie Marie
(9,999 posts)gaiadiversity
(60 posts)for my mom to die. Sorry for your loss.
helpisontheway
(5,008 posts)Beringia
(4,316 posts)Tumbulu
(6,292 posts)Sending you hopes that you will feel her presence around you still. I believe that their love lives on. I like to think that way, it helps me.
Nimrod900
(19 posts)Though this time may feel it's never ending
Time will help and heal
These moments will pass
AllyCat
(16,236 posts)She sounds like a special and strong lady. Peace to you as it can come!
FuzzyRabbit
(1,970 posts)Take care of yourself, and know that your mother's love for you can never die.
Liberal In Texas
(13,592 posts)dlk
(11,582 posts)emmaverybo
(8,144 posts)your seeing her suffer. My 90 year old mother died almost three years ago. I was devastated. I was told we can never get over the loss of our beloveds, just get through it. I am still getting through one day at a time. It has become less constant and intense, this sorrow, this missing. I have tears as I go over your post. I hope you will feel your mother near you always.
orleans
(34,085 posts)you were both so fortunate to have each other in this lifetime
your parting of ways is only temporary. you will find each other again.
gademocrat7
(10,676 posts)Freedomofspeech
(4,228 posts)You were blessed to have such a wonderful supportive Mother.
ProudMNDemocrat
(16,811 posts)My condolences to you. Even after 7 years, it still hurts because my mother was my rock too.
May you find comfort and cherish the memories.
TrollBuster9090
(5,955 posts)When I lost both my Mom and Dad (11 years apart) I'd lost my two best friends, who were much more than friends. They were integral parts of me. We'll see them again. <3
MLAA
(17,340 posts)And it sure sounds like she adored you 💫✨😍
lonely bird
(1,689 posts)I still miss my mom. She passed away far too young. She was 58 when she died on Christmas Eve 1983.
Keep her memories alive in your heart.
47of74
(18,470 posts)murielm99
(30,777 posts)ashling
(25,771 posts)I am so sorry for your loss. Glad you were able to be with her at the end.
MFM008
(19,823 posts)Much the same same to happen to my mom,
she just all of a sudden locked up everywhere ,she couldn't open her hands ,she couldn't even change from side to side nothing .
She slipped away last January 1st very painful thing to watch for a woman who I remember is being a very athletic bowler.
❤
Shaddox
(384 posts)sueh
(1,829 posts)memories sustain you in the days ahead.
Demsrule86
(68,715 posts)Palsy. it is a terrible disease...I believe Dudley Moore did also. My Dad began with seizures he lived 10 years with it. My daughter suffers from depression and has been in hospital twice...I hope I can help her as much as your Mom helped you. I don't know what you believe but I think somehow we go on after death. And I have no doubt that we will see our loved ones again. Again so sorry...it will always hurt. I won't lie, but you stop thinking about it every minute of the day...it will get easier. I wish you peace.
mvd
(65,180 posts)I know what it is like to lose a parent. I lost my dad on Jan 18, 2019. I was very close to him. I had a bad holiday season without him and thinking about all the good times. We can both take solace in the lives they led and what they meant to us. Your tribute is beautiful.
kimbutgar
(21,224 posts)I lost mine in 2016 and Ill never forget the support of DU.
She might not be with you Physically anymore but she will always be there in your heart and in spirit.
triron
(22,026 posts)Sorry for your loss and the tragedy of her illness.
Raine
(30,541 posts)I know how you feel. I lost my mother to cancer December 29 1997, I miss her everyday.
BlueSpot
(856 posts)We don't all have the same situations but your post reinforces that most of us feel the same loss at the passing of a parent. They were always there for us and we always had a backstop. When they pass, not only are we left with the loss of their immediate presence but also with the loss of that unwavering support and love. It was there from the day we were born. To have all of that stripped away is just awful. I've lost both of my parents now, so I get what you're feeling. FWIW, there are no words to express how much she loved you either. I'm glad you got to be there with her near the end.
marlakay
(11,514 posts)Peace and hugs.
flying rabbit
(4,644 posts)wryter2000
(46,099 posts)Her pain is gone. Shell always be with you in your heart and mind
nini
(16,672 posts).. it just changes form. She will live on in your heart and soul, and will remain with you. I am very sorry for your loss.
I too had a wonderful mother and know we both were very fortunate.
Lithos
(26,404 posts)I hope my kids are as loving as you...
Moostache
(9,897 posts)I hope your support system and family and friends can help you with your grief.
Withywindle
(9,988 posts)and so moved by your tribute to her. I am so glad you had the time with her that you did. I know there is no easy consolation for a loss of this magnitude and grief for her will be a part of you from this day forward for the rest of your life BUT she has given you the tools to survive it. In time I pray the power of your good memories of her and your love for each other will override the pain.
Galax VA?!? I grew up in Carroll County, so hugs from a neighbor in place if not in time.
Here's one of SW VA's greatest, Ralph Stanley, singing "I'll Fly Away," a hymn about being released from suffering on this material plane:
[link:
Backseat Driver
(4,400 posts)all her efforts and the love on your behalf. You were blessed to have those moments to share.
calimary
(81,527 posts)Your tribute to her and the thoughts and memories you share with us here are wonderful gifts.
Sounds like she really was the wind beneath your wings. Its gratifying to know you had a mother like that. She was exactly what you needed.
mfcorey1
(11,001 posts)smirkymonkey
(63,221 posts)My condolences to you and your family. May she rest in peace.
polmaven
(9,463 posts)May your mom RIP!!
samnsara
(17,650 posts)tazkcmo
(7,303 posts)You are not alone.
People care.
She lives on through you.
Peace and love.
FM123
(10,054 posts)Even after so many years, my heart just aches for mine.
Sending you love
PA Democrat
(13,225 posts)Your mom sounds like she was a truly amazing person.
tavernier
(12,410 posts)It feels like someone has ripped off your arm and left an empty hole. I know. I remember. It will take a couple of years to be yourself again. In the meantime, stay busy.
Nice to know though that you were so loved, isnt it? We were lucky.
MoonRiver
(36,926 posts)Hortensis
(58,785 posts)And that your mom would let you feed her. A sweet communication and memory you'll always have.
krakfiend
(202 posts)DownriverDem
(6,232 posts)There are no words to take away your pain. Eventually you will keep the good memories front and center. So sorry.
lillypaddle
(9,581 posts)Best hopes for healing and peace to you.
SalmonChantedEvening
(31,953 posts)Sending sympathy and love your way.
I beg you consider bookmarking this post. When my parents passed away, The DU threads, full of kindness and love, helped make those days less difficult, and in the years that followed, were a great source of comfort.
These people are wonderful. Keep this thread, and their love will shine light on your heart when you need it.
Dennis Donovan
(18,770 posts)My Mom passed 21 years ago, and if's any consolation, I can still hear her voice in my head like she was still sitting next to me. Such memories are indelible.
MineralMan
(146,338 posts)femmocrat
(28,394 posts)TEB
(12,920 posts)Marthe48
(17,047 posts)Love doesn't stop. You'll never stop loving your Mom, or other loved ones who go ahead of you. Your life-long relationship will support you as time goes on. Give yourself time to get used to relying on memories. When you need your Mom, the best memory for the moment will come to you. Be nice to yourself. Loss is never easy and your life will be different.
CaptainTruth
(6,609 posts)CottonBear
(21,597 posts)Your mom was a wonderful human being who loved you more than anyone else.
Granny M
(1,395 posts)She sounds like a wonderful mother. I wish you peace.
Bayard
(22,181 posts)Holidays are always the worse.
I've lost everyone now except my younger brother. One thing that might help you, is to start a journal/book with everything Mom....all your memories of her from your earliest age, conversations, quirks, arguments, jokes, trips together. Most of it will make you smile.
wendyb-NC
(3,335 posts)What a tremendous person she was for you, what a loss. You are also. You stayed with her, and let her celebrate to the end. Both of you heroes. My heart goes out to you at this time. Embrace that love for her, that will never end.
Frustratedlady
(16,254 posts)But, somewhere in those many years, I'm sure you and your family have many sweet memories. I hope they will help you through the grieving period and bring many smiles to your face.
bluestarone
(17,067 posts)Lost my mother 2 years ago!
Hulk
(6,699 posts)Lost my mom a few years ago. She reached the 100 yr mark, so she was ready to go. Her last years were pretty hard, but she was one hell of a great mother. The memories live on forever. Try to do good things in her name. It helps some. Time heals all....but sometimes much time.
I am losing a very close brother-in-law. He's on hospice care now, and he's been suffering from Alzheimers for years. He's ready to go. I'll miss him a lot, but his memories feel my heart with joy when I reflect back to his smile, his laugh, his person in the past. Heaven's road is lit up and ready for them to come. Someday we will all be together again.
RIP.
KSNY
(315 posts)Sending my condolences and wishing you strength.
Duncan Grant
(8,296 posts)iamateacher
(1,089 posts)She was a great lady and a great mother! I am sure she knew how you felt and how much you appreciated her.
MerryBlooms
(11,773 posts)My deepest condolences. I understand the overwhelming despair and physical heartache. I felt it when my mom died and then again when my husband passed. In time, I received a welcomed numbness, then after many years, acceptance. The pain never really goes away, but I dream of both of them often and the dreams are so realistic and comforting, it helps a great deal.
Much love and peace to you.
MissMillie
(38,587 posts)And sorry for all the illness your mom suffered.
I'm glad you got to see her last month, and I hope the memories of her birthday bring you comfort at this time of great loss.
Heartstrings
(7,349 posts)Callalily
(14,897 posts)Mickju
(1,805 posts)Your post has really moved me. It is so hard to lose someone you love so much. I wish peace for you.
EndlessWire
(6,573 posts)When my own mother died, I was devastated. I cried every day for about a year. I mourned her rather intensely for eight solid years. Then, something profound happened to me, and suddenly I was calm and could think about her without pain. Of course I miss her and would love to have her back, but I now enjoy thinking about her life, and all she taught me about survival. She did good with what she had.
People grieve at different rates. Let yourself be the way you need to be for now and for as long as you need.