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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsFather teaches daughter a lesson about facebook...
Last edited Fri Feb 10, 2012, 09:23 AM - Edit history (1)
&sns=fbFor those who don't have the few minutes to watch the video.
The father set up a video and related how he found a long post that was on his daughter's facebook page. It was a long curse filled rant about how much she hates chores and her parents etc.
The father then takes the daughters laptop and shoots it 9 times with his pistol. He is charging the daughter for the laptop and the bullets.
Too much?
Brickbat
(19,339 posts)Last edited Fri Feb 10, 2012, 01:22 PM - Edit history (1)
abelenkpe
(9,933 posts)JSnuffy
(374 posts)... though I hate to see the laptop wasted. I would donate it to Fisher house or WWP.
PatSeg
(47,770 posts)it was over-the-top but then I listened to the video and her Facebook rant. Personally I wouldn't have used a gun, but I completely understand his anger.
This guy's response doesn't indicate the kind of father he has been?
Get a clue.
This guy is the problem.
This guy's response doesn't indicate the kind of father he has been?
Get a clue.
This guy is the problem.
HuckleB
(35,773 posts)Yes, that is classic.
truebrit71
(20,805 posts)...wonder if he's always resorted to other forms of OTT violence to "teach" her other lessons...
TheWraith
(24,331 posts)He takes his daughter's property, which probably contains important things like school documents, photos, precious memories, whatever, and destroys it? How is that suddenly okay? How is that "teaching her a lesson" other than never to say anything he dislikes or he'll become violent to punish her? Would people still be defending it if he had, say, set fire to her car instead? Or shot her pet?
redqueen
(115,108 posts)And look at the defenses. Most of them center around money (i.e. he paid for it so it's fine).
I understand that children are children and that in an ideal situation the parents should be respected, but I also think parents have a responsibility to act in a manner deserving of respect, and give that back to their children as well. IMO that's how children learn mutual respect. If they're treated like property and as if respect is a one-way street, well...
Also I'm wondering now what you think about the spanking issue.
TheWraith
(24,331 posts)Respect is built, earned, including respect for parents. Kids who're on the receiving end of "do it because I said so" and "I'm the boss here and I don't care if you like it" very much get the message that their parents don't respect them and don't value how they feel.
As for spanking, I believe that it's use should be limited to the bedroom between consenting adults.
msongs
(67,502 posts)elleng
(131,412 posts)TBF
(32,153 posts)the churches should be handing it out with their wine on Sunday imo
we really don't need these control freaks reproducing
monmouth
(21,078 posts)elleng
(131,412 posts)joeglow3
(6,228 posts)Read his facebook page and he sounds like a decent father.
elleng
(131,412 posts)shows clearly he's an ass, or at the least too foolish to come up with a more productive way to behave.
Zalatix
(8,994 posts)There were 10,000 better ways to get the same point across.
Shooting up a perfectly good piece of consumer electronics only proves her point. He's a gun-toting madman and I say that as an owner of 3 guns.
HuckleB
(35,773 posts)This youtube post shows the reality. The rest is an attempt at whitewashing the situation.
The Doctor.
(17,266 posts)There are so many better ways he could have made a point. The least of which would be going on her page and messing with her social connections. There are dozens of ways he could have expressed his dissatisfaction. Some might have even taught her an actual lesson.
xmas74
(29,682 posts)He could have logged on, changed her password, and locked her out of her account. Or he could have complained and had the account locked.
madokie
(51,076 posts)He needs his chain yanked and yanked hard. What a dick!
elleng
(131,412 posts)you dumb fool.
This is a PARENT?
People wonder why some support repugs?
jsmirman
(4,507 posts)and it's pretty damn wasteful.
Why doesn't he at least give the laptop to someone he finds deserving instead of destroying something of value?
The "lessons" in this video (nice cancer stick, btw) do not seem to be positive ones.
Fumesucker
(45,851 posts)elleng
(131,412 posts)Good luck trying not to piss off a teenager...
It certainly isn't a reason to let them do what they like because they might not pay your bills when your are older.
Fumesucker
(45,851 posts)I never had to shoot any of her stuff, much less put a video on youtube of doing so.
butterfly77
(17,609 posts)I would like to see what else happens in this ongoing saga...
MrSlayer
(22,143 posts)This guy sounds dangerous and disturbed.
Odin2005
(53,521 posts)FarLeftFist
(6,161 posts)renie408
(9,854 posts)You can take out a laptop in six shots, tops.
Zalatix
(8,994 posts)die from an infection or overheating.
tortoise1956
(671 posts)Let me try to answer some of the rants here:
1. The laptop was bought by him and his wife, not the daughter. It's not her property. You may not like how he did it, but it was his right.
2. If you listen to her post, it becomes clear that she was mad at having to do chores. Boo-hoo!
3. Evidently his wife agreed with his actions. Does that mean she's a dick too?
4. Teaching respect for others includes responding when disrespect is shown to others.
5. Finally, even the daughter doesn't see this as a horrible psychic trauma. I believe her exact words were,"Dude, it's a computer!"
davidpdx
(22,000 posts)But the question is does she have one?
obamanut2012
(26,188 posts)It makes no difference who paid for it.
Brickbat
(19,339 posts)Also, now that I've seen it, I think it's hilarious.
Whisp
(24,096 posts)for their 15 seconds of fame.
I don't believe America's Funniest Videos any more either - most of them are set up and not candid.
HuckleB
(35,773 posts)... are showing this to their kids tonight.
That's BS.
JHB
(37,166 posts)You're the dad, fella. Don't throw your own tantrum.
How long have you got before she finds a boyfriend to move in with just to get out of your house? Hope you like your grandkids early.
HuckleB
(35,773 posts)bemildred
(90,061 posts)TreasonousBastard
(43,049 posts)it couldn't have happened...)
sammytko
(2,480 posts)Honeycombe8
(37,648 posts)but when I'm trying to control the anger and speak.
Bonhomme Richard
(9,001 posts)taken away because he obviously isn't mature enough to own them. If you think he was right then your firearms ought to be taken too if they haven't already. By the way, I am also a firearm owner.
L0oniX
(31,493 posts)Clames
(2,038 posts)...I think he was perfectly right. In fact, he should have reloaded and kept shooting. I would have lent him my USP .45 as that at least has 12+1. At least there is one parent in this age that doesn't have their head completely stuck in their fourth POC when it comes to discipline.
iemitsu
(3,888 posts)or just acting like one?
Terra Alta
(5,158 posts)and in the most redneck, gun-loving county in the state.
Major Nikon
(36,827 posts)Parents who behave badly in response to their emotions get kids who behave badly in response to their emotions. The reason why his daughter acts the way she does is because he taught her to act that way.
redqueen
(115,108 posts)meaculpa2011
(918 posts)but at times it has taken all the energy and discilpine I can muster.
I never taught my teen-aged daughter to throw her cell phone through the diningroom window or kick a three-foot hole in her bedroom wall. I certainly never taught my son to play video games all night and sleep all day.
Major Nikon
(36,827 posts)Emotions are part of who we are. Even negative emotions are not bad things. Expressing emotion, even negative emotion is not necessarily a bad thing. Simply suppressing emotions around your kids really doesn't teach them anything. What kids need to be taught is how to recognize their emotions and how not to allow their emotions to lead to bad behavior. It's not about controlling emotions, it's about controlling behavior that results from emotion. I get angry with my kids from time to time. I let them know I'm angry with them, but I don't do this by ranting and raving, shooting holes in something, or trying to embarrass them like this guy did. I let them know by simply explaining to them what they did that made me angry and this may be accompanied by what punishment they are to receive for their behavior. You still have to be the parent, but you don't have to treat your kids with contempt.
Liberal_in_LA
(44,397 posts)pepperbear
(5,648 posts)Canuckistanian
(42,290 posts)Unless it was an emergency, that gun should never have been taken out, loaded and the safety switched off.
Yeah, she was a spoiled brat, but shooting the laptop? No. Sledgehammer? Better choice.
JSnuffy
(374 posts)... is it the facts that he destroyed it? or rather the method that he chose?
If he had driven over it or used your sledgehammer would folks be happier with his choice?
Last edited Fri Feb 10, 2012, 01:33 PM - Edit history (3)
Admittedly, I don't have kids so I've never been pushed near that point.
I can say, both from observation and experience, it does not help matters any to act like you believe you have an absolute right to destroy the kid's stuff. Not just take away use, but outright destroy. And it doesn't make much difference if it is something that is only "theirs" in the sense that it is theirs to primarily use but the parents paid for (it can be worse, though, if it was something the kid paid for so it is theirs however you want to define it). Just that naked display of vicious authority does real damage.
Of course, having sailed way over that hurdle, we get to the gun issue. Back in the day, my takeaway from a demonstration like this would have been "And you're lucky that this time it was only your thing. I have the right to shoot you if I feel like it, and don't you forget it."
If shooting is a stress reliever for you, go to the range and go through paper targets. If you're using it for "demonstrations", you've gone too far. If you've demonstrated to the world that you don't restrain yourself from using your guns just because you're pissed off, the rest of the world has to wonder how well you will (or won't) control yourself next time you get pissed off.
At the very least, he's pushing the kid to act out in ways that will be much more harmful (ultimately to herself) than petulant pissing and moaning on Facebook.
Whatever his intent, he's a jackass and making it worse.
(added on edit): I also have to say, from what I've picked up of "good parenting tactics" from my parents, siblings with their kids, and others, a smarter move would have been to let this slip at some later date as part of some other lesson. Not throwing it in her face, but in a way that leaves here wondering when and how you found out about it, and implying that you had chosen not to act on it. It would at least be a lot less likely to turn the confrontation into a contest of wills where the "winner" is the one who doesn't give a damn about the consequences.
whoohoo
(30 posts)so to you it isnt that he destroyed the laptop, just that he used a gun?
JDPriestly
(57,936 posts)No wonder his daughter doesn't like him.
Shankapotomus
(4,840 posts)how to violently overreact. Total bozo.
qanda
(10,422 posts)There were so many other ways to handle that. I have my children's passwords and can check their FB at will so they know not to post anything too stupid. Although the father got some attention and that was probably the goal from the beginning.
FSogol
(45,595 posts)Especially with parenting issues and computer problems!
(if needed)
surrealAmerican
(11,369 posts)... she puts it in writing. When the father is upset with his daughter, he wrecks her stuff in a violent manner. Who's the grown-up here?
LadyHawkAZ
(6,199 posts)TBF
(32,153 posts)Justice wanted
(2,657 posts)physically.
A child that cannot vent and express herself/himself because of the parents reaction is wrong.
I grew up with a parent like that. It is not a healthy situation.
johnnie
(23,616 posts)He can do what he wants with it. Unless of course his daughter bought it herself, but I doubt it. If you read his facebook page and the follow up, even his daughter is getting a kick out of all the outrage. Believe it or not sometimes you have to show your child that they need to be responsible for their actions and giving a 16 year old girl a time out would probably not work.
Arkansas Granny
(31,543 posts)johnnie
(23,616 posts)His daughter hasn't learned that yet.
Arkansas Granny
(31,543 posts)There is a lot of difference. IMO, it wasn't disrespect to him as much as it was doing some griping to her friends. Do you seriously think that teenagers don't complain about their parents to their friends and that it is disrespectful to their parents when they do so?
Brickbat
(19,339 posts)You can't hide much of anything.
PassingFair
(22,434 posts)I have had a situation like this come up recently with my youngest daughter.
She wrote a small screed about how much I didn't TRUST her
(I didn't agree that she should plan to stay over night at a
party, thrown by some BOY she didn't even know). It was a
silly request on her part, but she had backed herself into a
corner with her friends because she had been bragging about
how I was going to let her "party all night". I am NOT a strict
parent because she has never given me a reason to be. She
follows all edicts and is always home when I tell her to be.
She thought that she would get permission for this folly because
I hardly ever say NO to her.
The reason I hardly ever say NO to her is that her requests are,
for the most part, REASONABLE.
Anyway.....I denied her the "all night party" which, by the way,
never became an ISSUE because she wasn't allowed INTO the
party...and she wrote about it on her tumblr, which I happened to see.
I told her that I didn't appreciate her "publishing" her story and
creating drama, especially since she was being her normal, loving
self around me. I asked her if she was faking anger on line, or faking
loving behavior in real life.
We had a good talk about it, which ended up with her taking the tumblr
down, in protest of my "stalking".
I agree that kids need to blow off steam. It's hard to not get what you
want. I just don't think it's a good idea to publish the rant under your
own name, for all to see and not expect to get called on it.
This father is obviously a dick.
johnnie
(23,616 posts)Many of us did things behind our parents' backs. The point of doing it behind their backs was to not be stupid enough to get caught, she was stupid and got caught. He had caught her doing something like that before and grounded her and she did it again. I guess he should have either laughed along with her or beat the living crap out of her. Or maybe another stern talking to would have taught her.
I honestly don't understand all the contempt for this guy. His daughter wanted to embarrass him on the internet so he turned the tables. She is a teenager that lives "under his roof" and he is raising her as he sees fit. He didn't beat her or kick her out into the street. He shot a friggin' computer.
LanternWaste
(37,748 posts)"I honestly don't understand all the contempt for this guy...
A teen illustrated (as many allege) "disrespect for the father; the father responded not in a mature, reasonable and teachable manner, but rather by doing precisely the same thing a child did. We expect childish behavior from children-- we do not expect childish behavior from adults.
johnnie
(23,616 posts)If you watch the video, he tried that approach before and she turned around and did it again. And what exactly is a "mature, reasonable and teachable manner"? Taking away her stuff? Not letting her watch tv? Not letting her talk on her cell phone?
LadyHawkAZ
(6,199 posts)the appropriate response would be to shoot her stuff, the TV and the cell phone.
I don't get it. Responsible behavior #fail.
TBF
(32,153 posts)why not give the equipment to a charity so that a someone without the means to own a computer could have one of their own? My children are younger but if they refuse to pick up their toys my response is always the same "ok, I'll pick them up and then they will go to Goodwill so children who appreciate them will have some new toys - and I know they'll take care of them". Works every single time.
Instead he acts like an ass and does the very thing he tells her not to do (posts a screed about it on FB). Just immature and nasty and in no way trying to help her learn. He's a control freak and he's pissed because she doesn't do exactly what she wants. Yet I'll bet he hollers about "freedom of speech" whenever given the opportunity. Sorry, I think he is ridiculous.
LanternWaste
(37,748 posts)I imagine repressing our opinions of a thing may actually be perceived as respect by many people...
johnnie
(23,616 posts)In it he talks about his daughter calling their friend Linda their cleaning lady. She doesn't need to work because they have a cleaning lady. That is just one thing.
LanternWaste
(37,748 posts)"I take it you didn't watch the video..."
You may take what you infer. However, we expect childish behavior from children-- we do not expect childish behavior from adults.
johnnie
(23,616 posts)Have you ever been to the lounge?
phleshdef
(11,936 posts)I was taught to respect people who deserve it.
I'm not saying the daughter shouldn't respect her parents, as a general rule. But obviously, he has shown why she might not respect him. What he did here was nothing more than psychologically abusive bullshit.
johnnie
(23,616 posts)I'm not going to get into it then.
phleshdef
(11,936 posts)...I'd be tempted to bust that psychotic fuckers teeth down his god damn throat with his uber expensive, small dicked compensator of a hand gun. But unlike him, I don't really think violent actions against people or inanimate objects is an appropriate way to deal with things that piss me off.
You can continue to defend parents resorting to psychological abuse to get their kids in line all you want. It still doesn't make it right.
Zalatix
(8,994 posts)That's how our Government works now, trying to intimidate its citizens with shows of excessive violent force.
He could have achieved the same thing by wiping the hard drive and donating the laptop.
johnnie
(23,616 posts)Not before.
Zalatix
(8,994 posts)Whether he did it before or after.
There was a more mature way to handle this.
obamanut2012
(26,188 posts)If you buy your child something, it's theirs. You do not have a right to destroy it.
johnnie
(23,616 posts)I guess I come from a different time. I could be wrong about all of this. I was raised to think what was under my father's roof was his.
obamanut2012
(26,188 posts)A child has a right to what they have been given by their parents.
And, this guy even states that it's hers, and he knows it's her property, but whatever. BANGBANGBANG
johnnie
(23,616 posts)I know it's more in vogue these days to "expect", but in my day there wasn't much to get. My parents gave me food, clothes and shelter. Cell phones, computers, big screen tvs and all that crap wasn't part of it. I think that many people (I'm guessing people like you) think that people owe them stuff, I wasn't raised that way and it's probably wrong, I guess that kids deserve to get things and stuff and lay on their dead asses and expect the world owes them shit. I just wasn't brought up that way.
I was lucky to get a quarter to get some ice cream from the truck when it came down my street. I'm only 47 so it's not like I lived in the depression, but many of my friends lived the same way. If I wanted Levis instead of the Wranglers my dad got me I had to come up with the few dollars more. I didn't live without, but I sure the hell didn't get everything I wanted because the other kids got it.
We ate beans and weenies, had four of us kids in one bedroom and slept in the hot August heat because Air conditioning was never even heard of until I was 12 years old.
This poor poor child had her computer taken away, oh no...life is a drag. That's what kills me about these people here at DU, most of them have no clue what life is really like. They live in a la la land of unicorns and rainbows. Life is real and it happens. This guy is just trying to raise his daughter and so many people on this site are giving him shit because they are able to judge based off of a video.
Londoncalling
(66 posts)Maybe people should listen to her, all people seem to be hearing are that she is complaining about the chores. They don't
seem to notice she has a lot of chores, not just washing the dishes and she was just venting her anger. He didn't deny any of it.
What is it was his wife complaining as many wives do complain about doing the chores, while their husbands undo the work with dirt on the clean floors and don't care? What if he caught his wife venting, would she be ungrateful and bratty too?
I don't have a clue what your life is like, I am not 47 for a start but my parents did not own my clothes, my pens and pencils, shoes,
my hairbrush or the Atari I got one Christmas, I did even though they paid for it because it was all bought for me. I am not spoilt either.
JSnuffy
(374 posts)... that means that it is equally wrong to take anything away from a child (TV, xbox, car, laptop, phone) for any length of time because it is "theirs."
It is just as wrong to steal my Jeep for a week as is it is to steal it and keep it.
Unless the child bought it, it remains the property of the parents.
Generic Other
(28,979 posts)Cause she can make him pay in ways he can't even imagine.
Scout
(8,624 posts)thus proving that she is the immature, spoiled brat he says she is. "Hey, i know, it's so cool to ruin my own life just to get back at my parents!"
redqueen
(115,108 posts)To act out of emotion and in an attention-getting way, rather than in a rational way.
Also I suspect living with that psycho for a parent is rather difficult, so if she runs away, she is likely to end up shacking up with a boyfriend, which will increase the chances of other things. It's not a case of "I'll show you, dad!" so much as just a consequence of bad parenting.
Scout
(8,624 posts)but i see i'm in the minority.
i think she is acting like a brat, with a HUGE sense of entitlement. and no, i don't think what she did is just "normal" behavior for teens. i'd have never done what she did. and her dad TRIED going the "normal" route of removing privileges, and it got him nowhere.
HuckleB
(35,773 posts)Seriously?
Generic Other
(28,979 posts)Probably a better way to handle it. He reminds me of the judge in Texas beating the daughter for downloading a game. Even if the parent is at wit's end, they don't need to go and do stuff like this and prove they are such poor parents as well. I see a daughter who has endured a divorce and her father's re-marriage. What teenage girl in that situation hasn't felt pissy about it? Whaddya want to bet there's issues with stepmother? Things get outta control sometimes in these situations. Teens are already hypersensitive. He just made things exponentially worse in my opinion.
TwilightGardener
(46,416 posts)the daughter embarrassed him and his wife, in a semi-public way, so he wanted to embarrass her back in a public way. Immature, but having teens myself, I know that they sometimes really push your buttons and bring out the worst in a parent.
Blue_Tires
(55,445 posts)Arkansas Granny
(31,543 posts)What his daughter did was to blow off a little steam. If she is expected to do all of the chores that she listed, which he didn't deny, BTW, I can see where she would need to do that. I have no problem with children helping around the house and having regular chores, within reason. It's pretty much a given that they will complain about it, but I don't see that what she did was something to be punished for, especially not to this extreme.
siligut
(12,272 posts)Controlling and overly sensitive to criticism. This video is all about him. He looks like he showered and dressed in his most flattering clothes. He set himself up to show off his land. He brought up his money, his expensive bullets and his intelligence. His ego is bruised because his daughter basically told all her friends that he isn't the wonderful father he thinks he is. So he has to tell them she is a liar and unappreciative of everything he has given her. Poor kid.
Iggo
(47,597 posts)WI_DEM
(33,497 posts)Brickbat
(19,339 posts)WI_DEM
(33,497 posts)PassingFair
(22,434 posts)If he didn't care for what YOU'D written?
Destruction of the objects of a loved one IS violent.
EOTE
(13,409 posts)Zalatix
(8,994 posts)He could have just wiped the hard drive and given it away to charity. Same effect.
Snake Alchemist
(3,318 posts)Does the gun make it worse?
EOTE
(13,409 posts)It's a completely reckless and stupid thing to do with a gun. It shows that he shouldn't be allowed anywhere near them.
Snake Alchemist
(3,318 posts)A lot of fun. I could care less if he shoots a laptop, but the youtube video is too much. Especially since she can't even see it now.
EOTE
(13,409 posts)Because if you did, you'd be as big of an ass as this father. That's where it becomes incredibly irresponsible. Once again, he's not interested in teaching her a lesson, because the lessons he's teaching her are just awful. He just wants to make her suffer.
Snake Alchemist
(3,318 posts)We have a couple of videos of her hitting targets, but nothing on youtube.
I think shooting it is a waste of a good laptop, but I would think the same if he just threw it in the trash.
EOTE
(13,409 posts)But by shooting it and posting it on youtube, he's teaching her to be reckless with guns too. Which proves he cares far more about making her suffer than teaching her any kind of lesson.
Snake Alchemist
(3,318 posts)We've shot bottles, cans, spinner targets, various fruits, etc. If we was shooting while taking swigs from a jack daniels bottle then that may be different.
EOTE
(13,409 posts)So shooting a gun for reasons other than practice or self defense is pretty dumb.
Snake Alchemist
(3,318 posts)I think target shooting any inanimate object is practice.
EOTE
(13,409 posts)If you don't see why shooting at the ground at point blank range is stupid, I'm afraid there's little more I can do to convince you. And notice he was without any sort of eye protection, too. If he had lost an eye with his little stunt, I'd have laughed.
Snake Alchemist
(3,318 posts)I wouldn't shoot without ear or eye protection but some do. Not the smartest thing to do, but it is their bodies.
EOTE
(13,409 posts)I would have thought that would be common sense. And not wearing eye protection was just one of many stupid, boneheaded things this father did. It's setting a horrible example. Once again, he wasn't trying to teach his daughter a lesson, he was trying to humiliate her and make her suffer. He's an awful dad.
Snake Alchemist
(3,318 posts)That was long before laptops though. This punishment seems tame although I would not waste the money.
JSnuffy
(374 posts)... we were inside a vehicle aiming at a target representing someone a few feet away (through the windshield)
It was excellent training. Perhaps not in your eyes though...
EOTE
(13,409 posts)Yes, a fully fledged idiot.
Straw Man
(6,628 posts)Or violent. Or hypocritical.
EOTE
(13,409 posts)Violent is an adjective, meaning prone to violence. As I'm not prone to violence, I'm not violent. Pretty simple, huh? Laughing at the misfortune of idiots is not violent one bit.
Zalatix
(8,994 posts)I've been poor in the past so I know. Bottles and cans are OK.
A laptop is a complex piece of machinery that someone could actually use. Better to wipe the HD and donate it to teach the kid a lesson.
Instead this "dad" shot up the laptop and showed the world he is what she says he is, PLUS he is violent, too.
Snake Alchemist
(3,318 posts)I wouldn't have done it, but he can do whatever he wants.
I do hate bottles though. The cleanup is a pain.
obamanut2012
(26,188 posts)He had no right to give it away or destroy it. IT WAS HERS.
I honestly have never understood parents who do this. who think something they get for their kid is just always "on loan," and never actually the kid's. What a way to keep a kid insecure and under your control in a bad way, and what a way to not build trust.
I have friends whose parents gave their pets away as punishment, as in took them to the pound, because of bad grades. BAD GRADES. After watching this idiot preen and crow all over social media, I have a feeling he would take his daughter's cat or dog outside and blow its head off. And post it on youtube.
The ONLY time I could agree with this is if the kid does something illegal/extremely dangerous with a vehicle.
This guy is abusive. People who destroy other family member's personal things are abusive. Always.
phleshdef
(11,936 posts)HuckleB
(35,773 posts)YES!
Sheesh.
Response to JSnuffy (Original post)
Gold Metal Flake This message was self-deleted by its author.
Brickbat
(19,339 posts)accent, hat, cigarette and gun. Honestly? I judge southern accents, straight up. If this were a sassy black mom saying the exact same words and then throwing the laptop out the window, or a working-class white Philly dad running over it in his beater pickup, what would the reactions be? Same letter from the daughter, same words said by the parent.
ScreamingMeemie
(68,918 posts)again. While I think the use of a gun is excessive, I stand behind this man destroying his daughter's laptop.
Brickbat
(19,339 posts)But yeah -- he was almost more pissed about the "cleaning lady" thing than anything else.
Puglover
(16,380 posts)BTW The gun was silly. But that note from the daughter was a hate filled nasty profane rant against her parents. Of course I don't know the situation at home but if I had ever said those things to or about my Mother and had she saw or heard them I'd still have a size 6 wedgie embedded in the middle of my forehead. And on top of it I'd regret it forever.
Londoncalling
(66 posts)and he shot her laptop?
She is up at 5am to get to school, she has a long list of chores when she gets home on top of her schoolwork. Her father did not deny any of it. She isn't complaining about putting out the garbage or washing the dishes, she is saying she has too much to do and
not enough time. She was complaining that her father has no respect for the chores and makes a mess. Linda is appears to be her step-Mother which may be a problem too.
ScreamingMeemie
(68,918 posts)video, which is somewhere in this thread, he goes through her list of chores... which is not what she claims. So that is a he said/she said. My daughter had half the town believing she was the one who was responsible for raising her little brother when we never had her even babysit. Teenagers can be dramatic. What I believe this is? A family issue that was put out in front of the world for all of us to come to jumpy conclusions about. I'm going from my own experience, as I'm sure you are.
Londoncalling
(66 posts)maybe she was trying to be funny, with an exaggarated comment which was aimed at her friends. Don't people do that? Maybe saracastic comments about their lives, what if she didn't mean it to be a serious comment? Teens and adults complain about their parents, especially if they don't get on. It is a fact of life. He could have not taken in seriously and minded his own business. The daughter hadn't stopped doing the chores..Or maybe she is telling the truth and he is covering, so he looks better. It seems to be about his ego as much as anything. He could actually try and talk to her but this will make communication between them even harder. Or maybe she is just really unhappy at home and is expressing herself. All she will learn is that her father will shot
her things if she says something he doesn't like. What will he do if she brings a boyfriend home she doesn't like?
If she has to go to the library to do her school work she will have less time at home and he will lose more control of her.
She will be more likely to stay out of the house, especially if she gets a job as well.
ScreamingMeemie
(68,918 posts)I don't either. So we can't really say. I doubt she was trying to be funny. I'm guessing she was looking for attention. She got it, in spades. But again, neither of us really knows.
I think you hit the nail on the head.
Blue_Tires
(55,445 posts)(assuming it's real and not some hoax/joke/satire)
The actions by themselves are highly questionable, but recording them and putting them on youtube is a whole nother world of egotistical, self-serving fuckwittery
Brickbat
(19,339 posts)I'm saying that it's possible to be biased against him and not hear anything he says because of his accent. To me, he sounds like a redneck, he can't even not smoke to shoot this video, he wears a stupid cowboy hat. I admit, that makes me biased against him. But I listened to what he said and agreed with him. Having read what is supposedly his Facebook page, I find him a down-to-earth guy trying to get through to his daughter, and it sounds like he has.
EOTE
(13,409 posts)He's a hypocrite of the first order. He's not trying to teach a lesson, he's trying to make her suffer, PERIOD. The lessons that he's teaching is that he's got such an addiction to tobacco that he can't stop smoking long enough to make his stupid point and that guns are toys to be recklessly played around with. The father is a world class asshole.
JVS
(61,935 posts)that they've spent hundreds of dollars on is imprudent at best and trying to come across as threatening at worst. Why not simply take it away or give it to someone else?
FedUpWithIt All
(4,442 posts)His daughter, not mine.
ScreamingMeemie
(68,918 posts)She had consistently run up hundreds of dollars of charges. While I think destroying the laptop with a gun is excessive, there comes a time, with some kids, where these kinds of things can work. If you look at his facebook page he has said that he wants no attention, doesn't want an interview, will not go on a reality show etc.
When my husband hammered our daughter's cellphone to bits she learned a valuable lesson. She's still on my plan and never goes over.
hamsterjill
(15,224 posts)He couldn't have simply taken the phone away?
I see red flags all over your post!
ScreamingMeemie
(68,918 posts)because your child goes over the limit, when you take away the phone, well, all I'm going to say to you is walk a mile. You are free to see what you wish to see. Life is short.
I was completely okay with it.
my2sense
(2,645 posts)I find it interesting that people think these teens are so fragile. Parents need to sometimes have tough love.
LeftyMom
(49,212 posts)ScreamingMeemie
(68,918 posts)Why don't you ask her?
$400 over twice is a bit much on a cell phone bill. She didn't get another one either. That's how abusive we were.
PassingFair
(22,434 posts)Outed as a total asshole the second he used the word:
"rebellious".
Thinks he's "king".
SoCalDem
(103,856 posts)I hope he never gets really mad at her..she'll be the one with bullet holes
Harmony Blue
(3,978 posts)The message he is sending to his daughter is clear. Don't respect the family, and materialistic items like bullets, gun, and computer are not that important.
In a materialistic world we live in children have a hard time detaching without these items. They lose sight of what is important.
Missy Vixen
(16,207 posts)Gosh, I'm confused. I've read so many times here that gun owners refrain from displays of temper, have supreme self-control, etcetera. Nice to see yet another gun owner using said gun as a toy or an agent of intimidation.
I'll see the rest of you and raise you: The teen in question could have come up with a better way of venting her frustration with her parent's rules. If this is how her father chooses to display his anger, though, she needs to be removed from the home. Period.
As another poster has already mentioned, I'm betting this isn't the first time good ol' Dad has implemented over the top displays of his anger. I'm also betting it won't be the last time he decides to shoot something up.
Snake Alchemist
(3,318 posts)Have a little fun with it .
Missy Vixen
(16,207 posts)Another option is to take away the laptop for an amount of time, or donate it to a charitable organization.
Dad wants to be a YouTube star, though. Somehow, I don't think he's going to enjoy the resulting fallout.
Snake Alchemist
(3,318 posts)Especially since she cannot even see the youtube video at this point.
L0oniX
(31,493 posts)Did you want to discuss something or was this another opportunity for you to vent at a group of DU members? DU polls have shown that about 50% of DU members own guns. Who ever said that "all" gun owners are very responsible? More likely it was said that "most" are responsible. Sounds like you have a personal agenda to attack all gun owners.
Missy Vixen
(16,207 posts)It's unfortunate that you are unable to understand that.
I have seen repeated reference here to the "fact" that gun owners, specifically CCW holders, "avoid" displays of temper, believe they have self-control the average American doesn't, etcetera. It's pretty comical to me that the new YouTube star puts the lie to those repeated statements, both here and on DU2. Instead of making a disciplinary decision that showed thought and even a smidgen of maturity, he believed that putting six holes in his daughter's laptop would really show HER.
In other words, this probably wasn't the first time he used his gun to intimidate someone else, and I'm betting it won't be the last.
The guy in question should never have the ability to own a firearm again. His daughter should be removed from the home as well.
L0oniX
(31,493 posts)whoohoo
(30 posts)aikoaiko
(34,186 posts)but in real life, its not so funny.
Grounding, her taking away laptop (even permanently until she can buy her own), and expressing his disappointment to her in person, is fine.
L0oniX
(31,493 posts)Do you see him doing something unsafe or illegal?
L0oniX
(31,493 posts)johnnie
(23,616 posts)L0oniX
(31,493 posts)Just my opinion. I know it's not yours. If it were up to me I'd see his guns taken away. I am a gun owner and I would never do that.
It is against county law here to discharge a gun anywhere other than at a range. If he had done that here he would have been thrown in jail.
Brandishing calls for a mandatory 3 year jail term here. While he didn't brandish it in front of people within view of him he certainly did it in front of a lot of people. Makes me wonder if he would do that to real people.
Three legit gun uses IMO are hunting, target practice and self defense. One laptop is hardly a legit target. Maybe a bunch of beer bottles on a fence is but I don't see that intent with this guy.
Was there something you wanted to discuss?
johnnie
(23,616 posts)I'm sure he legally owns the gun, he is in a field seemingly away from anyone who can be injured and he shot at piece of his own property. Posting a video of shooting a gun is not illegal so I see nothing he did to merit his guns being taken away. This isn't my opinion, it is just the way it is. I was just curious why YOU would take his guns away and your opinion is fine, but it wouldn't hold up in any court.
Snake Alchemist
(3,318 posts)That really sucks for you. We are on my 70 acres every few weekends for target practice.
JHB
(37,166 posts)I don't know that I agree with the other poster about "shouldn't be allowed", but the impulse to shoot something just because you're really f***ing angry about it is not something to just blow off.
If Daddy feels at home with pulling his gun and using it to destroy his daughter's stuff just because he's pissed at a whining, petulant diary entry, you have to wonder when his self-restraint will kick in when he's even more angry. Or been drinking. Or has a load of stress of his own from work or bills or other family difficulties.
No, nothing he's done here is illegal. But he's indulging in a really bad practice, and it's the sort of beast that really should not be fed.
johnnie
(23,616 posts)He had warned he he would put a bullet in her computer if she did it again and she did it again. Hardly an impulse.
JHB
(37,166 posts)Substitute "felt impelled" if you think the semantics are the most important thing here.
If he feels such a need to make good on threats to put bullets through things, maybe he should take the same lesson as he's trying to give his daughter and be a little more reserved about shooting his mouth off.
I'm sure the father of his not-as-"future"-as-he'd-like grandkids will want to know whether to leave the state.
whoohoo
(30 posts)This was on facebook. somthing that everyone can see. She is making her parents out to be horrible tyrants when in actuality they are not.
I would love to see that girl live on her own.
JHB
(37,166 posts)It doesn't matter what the correct Facebook terminology for this posting is, it's the same raging teenage myopia that has filled diaries of any form (and been shared with friends) for as long as there have been teenagers.
The only relevancy here is the public nature of Facebook, and the problem is more about her lack of sense about what to put up there than anyone above her age believing anything bad about the parents from it.
Dear o'l Dad's hot lead solution doesn't address that in any useful manner, since he saw fit to make sure his response was even more public.
HuckleB
(35,773 posts)obamanut2012
(26,188 posts)And they teach you in gun safety classes to never, ever do anything like this.
I own two pistols, a shotgun, and hold a CCW permit. I also have a Southern accent.
polly7
(20,582 posts)His daughter clearly says, ..... she's tired. I'm all for children doing their fair share of chores, but this girl seems overwhelmed. Being up from 5 an to 10 pm every school day would tire out anyone. It sounds like she's tried to address this before and probably been ignored. So he's embarrassed ......... bfd. Pay more attention to what your children are actually saying and they won't feel the need to get their frustrations out somewhere that will embarrass you. Grow up, 'Dad'.
Londoncalling
(66 posts)She is basically doing the housework for everyone not just washing the dishes.
He is also demanding she gets a job when she is already struggling to find time to do her schoolwork, she
also said she did work for his company for free too. Then maybe if she did get a job, he will notice things not getting done.
Arkana
(24,347 posts)Although I suppose he could have been sneaky and just changed her login password to "MY DAUGHTER'S A DOUCHE".
deaniac21
(6,747 posts)and he isn't wearing any ear protection. Dumbass!
whoohoo
(30 posts)Just dumb
KurtNYC
(14,549 posts)AND he didn't give the laptop a blindfold or a final cigarette even though he smoked one right in front of it before the execution.
Has he NEVER seen an episode of "Myth Busters"??
deaniac21
(6,747 posts)what I'm talkin bout
hamsterjill
(15,224 posts)And I hope when he IS too old to wipe his own ass, that Hannah remembers what he did to her publicly. This is not a parent that is in control of his own emotions, much less someone who is able to properly raise two children.
L0oniX
(31,493 posts)The guy should go to some anger management classes and become aware.
whoohoo
(30 posts)Her dad probably worked his ass off to give her those things.
If she wants her own stuff then I say she should buy it herself.
hamsterjill
(15,224 posts)What child is forced to pour coffee? THAT was part of the text he read.
I'm betting that this girl WILL be living on her own. The minute she reaches the age of eighteen, she will be out the door and get as far away from this jerk as she possibly can get. I'm also willing to bet that there is more to this story than what this father is allowing to be seen in this video. He says that one bullet is "for your mother" (indicating the mother's agreement with his actions) but I certainly don't see the mother on the video. She's probably at home scared to death of the asshole.
It would not surprise me one bit if this man hasn't abused his daughter physically. Remember the judge from Texas, and that video that went viral?
rbnyc
(17,045 posts)I hadn't even thought of that. It really appears likely that he is a serious bully.
siligut
(12,272 posts)Why else put it on her facebook page?
graywarrior
(59,440 posts)and his solution is to use a gun. Plus, I wonder if he smokes in the house around his daughter.
I swear, facebook is gonna cause WWIII one of these days.
Swede
(33,322 posts)Stay bullets do kill.
A HERETIC I AM
(24,382 posts)You ain't kidding! Wow! The possibility of one of those bullets hitting one of those cars is.....
wait....let me do the math.....
Trajectory divided by muzzle velocity times.....
NONE
ZERO
ZILCH
There is NO Chance in hell that anything other than the laptop and the dirt under it got hit by, or would get hit by one of the bullets he fired.
What an absurd post. Come on.
Swede
(33,322 posts)Quantess
(27,630 posts)The only bright side is, she will be so happy to finally move away! I wonder if she'll be one of those girls who finds a guy just so she can move away from her parents before she can really afford to on her own.
She apparently does her fair share of housework, and makes coffee for them when they ask her to. So I don't see why he (and mom) are so extremely punitive. I hope they at least say thank you when she makes their coffee.
That video depressed me.
DocMac
(1,628 posts)to discharge a weapon that close to a highway.
Most places have laws against discharging any firearm within the city limits.
former9thward
(32,165 posts)Father was 100% correct about his lazy daughter. I posted this on my FB page and have got 49 likes so far.
Quantess
(27,630 posts)It sounded like she does a lot of housework, actually.
I thought the reason dad was mad was that she complained about her parents on facebook.
former9thward
(32,165 posts)since they had a 'cleaning lady'. He told her never to refer to her as a cleaning lady again, that she does more work in one day than the daughter has done her entire life. He went through her "work" and if she does all of her duties it would only take a few minutes a day. She is the poster child for the lazy entitled American teenager.
Londoncalling
(66 posts)She is doing a lot, plus help her Dad out at his work "clinic"....She cleans the kitchen, including the floors, does the laundry,
makes the beds, does garden work...she is far from lazy, she isn't refusing to do those chores, she is just angry because she has to do them and gets no thanks. He is also on at her to get a job, which she should because she won't have time to do the chores and he might notice how much she does. Maybe she wants someone to say thank you...Maybe she wants him to listen to her.
former9thward
(32,165 posts)The amount of work she is supposed to do amounts to a few minutes a day. If she wants him to listen to her maybe she should lay off cursing him on FB.
whoohoo
(30 posts)just another lazy teenager who thinks she deserves things.
Obama3_16
(157 posts)so many levels of stupid about his actions.
feeling the need to defend himself on facebook to his daughter's friends?
Shooting up a laptop?
Talking like a moron?
Smoking while he reads his little script?
Fucking amazing he's getting any good press.
rbnyc
(17,045 posts)Here's what I said when my friend posted this on facebook earlier:
[/div
Re: the smoking, I mean it as evidence that he's a real do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do kind of asshole.
whoohoo
(30 posts)who cares if he is a smoker? He threw his cig butt on the ground, none of us know if he picked it up later (you assume he never did). maybe he mispoke because he was pissed off at his daughter? I know that when i get frustrated i get like that.
I made a note about the smoking just to avoid this kind of conclusion-jumping. I mean it as evidence that he's a do-as-I-say=not-as-I do dad.
Smokers aren't bad people. My dad smokes. I used to smoke. But it is stupid. And I wouldn't do it in a video where I was trying to make a point to my kid.
And yeah, it does make a really bad impression.
whoohoo
(30 posts)you wouldnt do it in a video where you were trying to make a point to your kid.
why is that? because they are not going to listen to what you are saying and just see a cig and think its cool?
I dont get the problem with smoking and why it is looked at as something evil?
rbnyc
(17,045 posts)...I just gave my personal impression of the dad from the video. Smoking, for me, is a big part of what makes a bad impression, because it's a fucking stupid ass thing to do (though he has every right to do it.)
And, yes, if I were making a video to make an impression on my kid, I would pay attention to the details. I would be well dressed. I would be prepared to articulate well. I wouldn't litter. And I wouldn't use a handgun.
whoohoo
(30 posts)to you its fucking stupid. your opinion.
maybe he doesnt care if his daughter smokes?
I miss the good ol days where they showed smoking in movies.
leave it to the parents to educare their children on the dangers of smoking.
Maybe he doesn't care if she smokes; he doesn't seem like a very good dad.
Your comment about missing smoking in the movies and leaving it to parents to educate about the dangers of smoking seems a little strange in the context of this conversation.
Maybe I am one of those annoying ex-smokers who has an inflated reaction to smoking since I quit. But even when I was smoker, I knew it was a really bad choice and I knew I would have to quit someday. I actually promised myself I would quit by the time I was 30, and I did. That was 14 years ago.
I'm glad, especially as a parent, that smoking is less pervasive in our culture now. And when my father comes to visit, he may not smoke in our house, so that my son doesnt see him lighting up every tem minutes, so that we dont have to breathe it and so everything doesnt stink. (When we go to visit him however, he gets to model addictive behavior for my son, we all breathe it, and everything stinks.)
Obama3_16
(157 posts)whoohoo
(30 posts)there is the unedited version here : http://www.litefm.com/cc-common/mainheadlines3.html?feed=421220&article=9738000
which shows the Dad talking about how the daughter does not have all her facts straight.
Im fine with what the Dad did.
If you are not going to respect your parents and what your parents do for you then try to live on your own. You will see how hard your parents are working for you.
She does not need her own personal laptop. She can go to a public library to une a computer for school work.
Liquorice
(2,066 posts)of himself destroying his daughter's computer and then post it publicly? So he can get some pats on the back from other bad parents who agree with his ridiculous behavior. He's an immature asshole.
whoohoo
(30 posts)They dont get what they want so they bitch and complain?
If I had half the shit she did when I was her age I wouldnt have complained one bit!
She does not know what the real world is like, and she will be BEGGING her parents for help when she falls flat on her face.
Liquorice
(2,066 posts)issues he has with parenting. He's not a good parent. And she has a right to complain to her friends about how she feels about her parents. All teenagers do that. She shouldn't have her computer destroyed and her father making videos of himself reading her private thoughts to the world. He doesn't deserve to have a child. He's awful. Just awful. And what you had or didn't have when you were young is irrelevant to this man's actions.
Snake Alchemist
(3,318 posts)That will teach them.
whoohoo
(30 posts)whoohoo
(30 posts)if the dad bought it he can do as he pleases.
obamanut2012
(26,188 posts)It doesn't matter who bought it, it was given to her.
rbnyc
(17,045 posts)TorchTheWitch
(11,065 posts)What in the world could possibly be PRIVATE about posting what she did on the internet??? She shared her thoughts on the internet that anyone could have seen.
I can see why the father is pissed but he handled it REALLY badly. Essentially he did the same thing she did by making this video and posting it on her page... she complained about her parents on the internet and he complained about his daughter on the internet. He's the parent and is the one that is supposed to be setting the example. Any reasonable person that read her rant about her parents would have recognized how childish and bratty she was behaving... her father shouldn't have had any concern that she posted it on the internet because it's obvious that's what it was.
Shooting the laptop with a gun is whacked out behavior, and is very disturbing. Great example there, dad, giving an example to your kid that it's appropriate to shoot with a gun many times that which pisses you off. HORRIBLE example of appropriate use of a firearm. This dude shouldn't be allowed to have guns if this is how he behaves with them.
She's a typical 15 year old rebelious kid, and it's no surprise that she acts like one. But the father is supposed to be the adult, and ended up acting far more like a bratty child than she did. Because of the media attention he's humiliated his daughter before the entire world, and who knows what emotional trauma this may cause her. This was a family matter that should have been kept within the family and not broadcast to the entire world particularly because of the media attention it's gotten.
Paladin
(28,287 posts)rbnyc
(17,045 posts)..was edited. I saw the one you linked earlier on fb.
I totally agree that she doesnt need her own laptop, and that she should appreciate what she has and what her parents do for her. I think going to the library is a great idea.
But I dont think the way to teach a 15-year-old respect is for her to go off and live on her own and see how hard it is. Shes a child and she needs to learn respect, the benefits of hard work and the consequences of laziness and ingratitude in an environment where she is still essentially safe, will have her basic needs met, and be loved.
My son is 7. I dont have a teenager yet and I admit I get a little scared when I envision it. My son is already being picked on by kids because I wont let him bring his iPod to school (a gift from Grandpa for which I have strict regulations.) There is often conflict over chores and work and getting enough play time and down time. I want my son to have things I never had, but I dont want him to be spoiled. I want him to think I am wonderful, but I always want to set limits and I have to enforce things that make me the bad guy. Its not easy being a parent.
And maybe some kids have bad wiring or are influenced by so many things that are outside a parents control or for any other number of reasons behave really badly. But when my son behaves badly I know I have the responsibility to give him the tools to do better.
Im not even sure what this girl did was so terrible. She complained about how much work she has and that shes not anyones slave. That sounds like a typical kid complaint. She did use a tool that had been generously provided by her dad to publicly humiliate him. Thats rude and disrespectful. The fact that he found out about it because he was investing time and money on his generous provision obviously really cheesed him off. I think his response was really about his ego. I dont think theres very much for her to learn from it except that she cant trust her dad to model good behavior.
My son has chores and responsibilities. He has to earn privileges. There are just and predictable consequences for poor behavior. As I said, there is often conflict around all this. I do remember my son complaining about his share of the work. We sat down and talked about all the work there is to be done, how much I do and how much his dad does. We talked about his skills and what he is grown-up enough to do. We talked about how much time there is in the day and what all our priorities are. And I gave him a menu of chores to take on in addition to a couple of non-optional chores (like cleaning up after himself.) He picked the ones he wanted to do and now he really owns them and he does a great job. My hope is that we will continue in this manner and I will never feel like I have to destroy property with a handgun and post it on the internet.
Some people see this guy as a hero because he backed up his word and is executing consequences. Those are good things, as long as the word you are backing up isnt a rash and senseless one, and as long as the consequences you are executing are proportionate to the behavior and are in the context of consistently enforced expectations and are not manic, angry and egocentric.
This guy is a dumb ass, and how he is a famous dumb ass bolstered by a gaggle of yahoos who think he dun good, like most of the people who make up public life in America.
TorchTheWitch
(11,065 posts)I figure that anyone that gets is generally sort of right generally sort of most of the time is completely amazing.
LadyHawkAZ
(6,199 posts)is it now OK for HER to get a gun?
The only lesson I see being taught is about how bad a thing irresponsible gun ownership is. What a jerk.
whoohoo
(30 posts)how is he an irresponsible gun owner? please explain that to me.
LadyHawkAZ
(6,199 posts)and shoot the problem, you are an irresponsible gun owner. We won't even go into the kind of mind that also FILMS it and posts it like it's something to be proud of.
I don't care what she did or what she said, this was not an appropriate adult response. As I said, now that he's trashed her all over Facebook, is it OK for her to get a gun and start shooting? Would that teach him a lesson in respect that everyone could cheer for?
Taking the laptop and getting rid of it? Good parent. Shooting it? Nutcase.
whoohoo
(30 posts)gun to shoot things right?
Cuz we know that the first thing he did was to grab his gun and shoot the laptop?
LadyHawkAZ
(6,199 posts)or what she said or what else she has done. "Mouth off and I'll get my gun" is NOT an appropriate adult response. Not under any circumstances. What gets shot next if she mouths off again?
whoohoo
(30 posts)to the dad it was a target. simple.
he didnt point a gun at anyone or threaten anyones life.
get over it.
LadyHawkAZ
(6,199 posts)from the same place, since we don't know that. We know he didn't do it *in the video*.
Why was an expensive item "just a target"? I always used empty soda bottles or milk jugs- you know, things that otherwise had no value. The only reason this would have possibly been a target was because he was angry with his daughter and wanted to scare her. Period. It has nothing to do with teaching respect. It's teaching fear. Mouth off and I'll get my gun.
Is it now OK for her to get a gun and start shooting up "targets"? After all, they're just targets.
whoohoo
(30 posts)LadyHawkAZ
(6,199 posts)I personally think that targets ought to, I don't know, belong to the person shooting them and maybe not be shot at specifically to scare that person into obedience. If you really think it would be OK for the girl to start shooting her dad's stuff to teach him some respect for her (after all, he DID trash her on Facebook and they ARE just targets), well, that's just you. I think myself that this family is sadly lacking in mature adults.
whoohoo
(30 posts)if the girl doesnt own it and it is indeed the fathers laptop then he can do as he wishes.
that does not give the girl the right to go shoot her dads things because she does not own them.
LadyHawkAZ
(6,199 posts)He said it wasn't his, himself.
So now that he's shot HER laptop, it's OK for her to do the same- he trashed her on FB, she's angry, it's just a target and it will teach him some respect?
whoohoo
(30 posts)It could be hers just like it is HER bedroom. he still paid for the damn thing.
she is 15 with no job. dont tell me she bought her own computer. get real.
LadyHawkAZ
(6,199 posts)Even he himself considered it her property. My guess is he paid for her clothes too- does that give him the right to rip them off her to teach her a lesson? Video it and post it?
No matter how much you reach, or how many excuses you come up with, this was still a violent, immature, inappropriate response to his daughter's behavior. Here's a tip: if you don't think it's OK for her to do in response, it's not OK for him to do either.
Londoncalling
(66 posts)Do you take it back if they say something you don't like or get angry with you?
She is 15 and trying to do her job which is school work. She is also doing her chores, she isn't refusing to do them. Plenty of wives make the same complaints about their husbands making the nice clean kitchen floor, dirty and not caring..online too..
What if she had lots of school work on that laptop, photos, music files which are all lost.
HuckleB
(35,773 posts)Period.
And that's being ridiculously kind to this fool.
obamanut2012
(26,188 posts)Any gun safety class will teach you that what he did was 100% unsafe.
And yes, I am a gun owner and a CCW permit holder.
He also was shooting too close to the road.
JVS
(61,935 posts)whoohoo
(30 posts)JVS
(61,935 posts)I don't. Maybe I should borrow my brother's flame retardant coveralls from when he worked in a steel mill. Or a nice set of comfy scrubs.
... we have computers in the country/desert as well.
They aren't confined to your high-falootin cities.
whoohoo
(30 posts)L. Coyote
(51,129 posts)"sorry daddy, I spent all my money on that damn laptop"
whoohoo
(30 posts)and the app her father brought to her... well she is too lazy to turn it in.
she will be lucky enough to survive in the real world.
whoohoo
(30 posts)DAD LIKES GUNS.
sums up whole video
Redstate Bluegirl
(213 posts)And his daughter is RIGHT 2 complain! I clean up my room, I take turns with my dad & mom & brother washing disshes & doing laundry but THIS idiot's daughter sounds like a slave!
mainer
(12,037 posts)When the daughter wrote that, I lost all sympathy for her. She's a brat. I can almost understand the dad's impulse to shoot the laptop. If he just picked it up and dropped it a few times, would it somehow be more acceptable? Same thing.
tammywammy
(26,582 posts)The daughter sounds lazy. I think people are complaining because he used a gun, but would be fine if he had just given it away.
BTW, I liked that the dad said that she was never to refer to Linda as the cleaning lady.
rbnyc
(17,045 posts)Teenagers are often brats.
Parents discipline bratty teenages all the time without acting like complete assholes, however.
Son of Gob
(1,502 posts)If anyone in this story is lazy it's the jagoff Dad. Make your own fucking coffee dipshit. I did laugh when he said he was going to make her pay for the bullets.
mainer
(12,037 posts)I'm totally seeing the dad's issue here. Even if I disagree about the gun thingie.
Son of Gob
(1,502 posts)It's not like he's asking for a can of coke since your heading that way. He's demanding she brew up some coffee. She is his personal servant.
mainer
(12,037 posts)I never had daughters, so I don't know how it would be with girls. But my sons would have cheerfully done so. And now that they're nearly 30, I adore them, and they know it.
I think the girl's a brat.
Son of Gob
(1,502 posts)mainer
(12,037 posts)There were teenage issues, of course, but nothing like this girl and her dad.
Maybe sons are just easier.
And btw, my sons cooked dinner every so often too, because they realized how hard my husband and I worked every day. And despite the passage of years, and the fact they have partners, we're all planning a family vacation together this summer. And my sons want to move closer to us.
Son of Gob
(1,502 posts)I made dinner for my parents too. It's something everyone can enjoy. Coffee on the other hand is not enjoyed by all. I don't see the point in this jerk Father forcing his daughter to brew coffee up for him everyday. Laundry, yes. Dishes, yes. Cleaning house, yes. Coffee, no. Serves no purpose but to show the daughter he's boss, like she doesn't know that already.
LadyHawkAZ
(6,199 posts)you are not the type of person to have pulled a gun and pumped bullets into your son's possessions if they complained about making you coffee?
If your kids are better than this girl, it might just be because you are a better person than this dad.
JSnuffy
(374 posts)I hope not but... meh...
Son of Gob
(1,502 posts)as a part of their chores? Do they put your socks on too?
JSnuffy
(374 posts)... will
-Dig ditches
-Build fences
-Mow lawns
-Clean the house from top to bottom
-Have a job at the same time
-Build/buy their own cars
... at the age appropriate times, just like I did. It's what called building a work ethic.
I hardly think pouring water and pushing a button is too goddamn hard.
Do you think children are just these fluffy bits of joy and happiness that should be free to bounce and play to their little hearts delight until they have to all of a sudden change into a responsible adult? How can they know how to take care of their own homes in the future if they don't learn it as a child?
Son of Gob
(1,502 posts)Do you plan on enrolling them in a prison work camp? I did notice you left off brewing you coffee. Interesting that you didn't include the entire premise of my replies. Also, will they put your socks on or not?
JSnuffy
(374 posts)... about pouring water and pushing a button.
In case you couldn't understand, yes they will make my coffee.
"Child A, Do me a favor and go make me a cup of Sumatra please. Thanks" (Note, this is phrased as a request but it is not)
Also, people still dig ditches. There's thing thing called dirt and some people live on it.
I will handle my own sock duties, though they will likely fetch them at some point.
Son of Gob
(1,502 posts)You don't want children, you want a labor force to do your bidding. Do you plan on compensating these future employees or is being in your presence payment enough?
JSnuffy
(374 posts)The majority of their chores are part of their duties as being a contributing family member.
I am not above paying for extra-ordinary jobs that I assign but not their daily chores.
obamanut2012
(26,188 posts)Controlling ass.
Son of Gob
(1,502 posts)Because she has a laptop? She does ALL of the house work. She's not spoiled. Get out of here with that bullshit.
tammywammy
(26,582 posts)Maybe you didn't hear the father's explanation of the daughter's chores. She has to empty a dishwasher if the dishes are clean and put dirty dishes in the dishwasher and wipe down the counters if they are dirty. She has to sweep the kitchen and living room floors, make her own bed and do her own laundry. That's not all the housework.
She's spoiled if THAT'S what she's complaining about.
beevul
(12,194 posts)Good grief.
And posters have actually used the word "slave" in describing the "work" this brat has as chores.
Un fucking believable.
JSnuffy
(374 posts)... you were serious.
This girl has about 15 minutes worth of tasks. Maybe it is the world's biggest dishwasher...
The father would do well to find some real work for the daughter. I'm sensing a summer on a farm/garage in her future.
Son of Gob
(1,502 posts)A teenager complaining about chores! She be spoiled if she didn't have to do the chores. She does them, she complains, who cares. What a spoiled brat, how dare she not enjoy making coffee for dear old dad..
kiva
(4,373 posts)because she refers to their 'cleaning lady'. I disagree with dad about many things, but I really like the fact that he calls the daughter on this and insists that she refer to the woman by her name.
And "ALL of the housework"? Did you actually listen to what the daughter is expected to do around the house? If you really think that's anywhere close to all of the housework that people do, you have never actually been responsible for a living space.
Response to kiva (Reply #287)
Son of Gob This message was self-deleted by its author.
maxrandb
(15,401 posts)it's the "I'm going to blow a gasket and put 8 hollow-point bullets through your laptop if you don't" that's troubling.
Zalatix
(8,994 posts)When her husband tells her to make his coffee for him she'll learn to obey like a good woman.
tammywammy
(26,582 posts)Or refilled their cups.
Son of Gob
(1,502 posts)mainer
(12,037 posts)And they were tired.
Son of Gob
(1,502 posts)Like the jerk in the video is it?
tammywammy
(26,582 posts)But I also didn't complain about having to empty a dishwasher, wipe down the counter tops or make my own bed either - as the girl in the video did. I was also responsible for vacuuming all the carpet and mopping the kitchen and bathrooms once a week.
You know right now if I was at my dad's and he asked me to fill up his coffee cup I'd still do it. It's not like my parents woke me up at 4:30am (when they wake up) to go in the kitchen to make coffee. But yes, there were plenty of times when my parents would say "tammywammy, can you make a pot of coffee please?" or "tammywammy can you fill up my coffee cup?" Or when my dad was outside doing the yard work "tammywammy can you get me a glass of ice water?"
Frankly I see absolutely nothing wrong with that.
Son of Gob
(1,502 posts)and I also see nothing wrong with her wanting an allowance to do so. When she feels taken advantage of, I see nothing wrong with writing a letter on her private Facebook page to complain. Making coffee veers into personal servitude IMO.
jsmirman
(4,507 posts)I don't know why I didn't think of this before.
The laptop may or may not be her property. It may be something he owns that she is using at his allowance - or it may be a gift that he gave her which became her property.
But what she created using the laptop - thoughts recorded, photos saved, poems written, anything of that sort - those things are her property.
Every one of the things described above constitute intellectual property that belongs to the person who created them, not to the person who bought the laptop.
If he didn't back up and if he destroyed her intellectual property, that is not something that is within his rights.
Now, proving the value of those materials is another thing, and crossing the streams of intellectual property with a concept like "sentimental value" is far from my area of expertise. However, I do know that regular property can be credited with value for having "sentimental value."
There are a few crazy causes of action I can think of that might also exist - but I mention this one as solidly outside the realm of crazy.
If he didn't back up, he destroyed a whole bunch of stuff that doesn't belong to him.
mainer
(12,037 posts)Anyone who says "we have a housecleaner and her name is Linda" says it all right there. She has a snotty attitude to those "beneath" her, meaning: Linda. The house cleaner.
The dad, at least, seems to have some respect for Linda, who works hard.
Enrique
(27,461 posts)he never says whether it worked.
Posteritatis
(18,807 posts)Yo_Mama
(8,303 posts)and a few household chores (I saw the whole video, thanks to those who posted it) then she is a spoiled brat.
By this age you ought to be doing some family chores as well as taking care of your own stuff. Sorry, we're humans and we have to learn to be adults. Chores such as the father explained are about the minimum, surely? I did a lot more than that by the time I was twelve and I would never tolerate a kid not doing something of the family work by that age. I never understood parents who take care of their kids as if they were babies until they were 18, and then are surprised when the kids can't handle being adults at 19.
Since the "cleaning lady" doesn't work all the time, it appears that the girl is more than happy to eat the dinner one of her parents makes. That's not slavery. That's what they owe to her. But no, she can't mop the floor. That's slavery.
I don't like the way she talked about the "cleaning lady", and just that mention proves that she was exaggerating about "doing all the housework". If I had ever talked that way about anyone helping at home when I was that age, my parents would seen red and the consequences would have been dire - way more dire than this. WTF? Does this girl think she is too good to do such menial chores? What an attitude!
So the father came home from work and spent a few hours working on her computer, and asked her to bring him a cup of coffee while he was doing it and she flips out? She's a "slave"? No wonder he was so mad.
To me this kid sounds like she has had it too easy, and is resisting parental attempts to push her into taking on more adult responsibilities and basically grow up.
The dad is pissed as hell in this video, but he's in control of himself, and his mention of the mother proves that they talked it over and decided on this step. This is not an impulsive act.
He could have beaten the laptop to death or run over it, but that would have been hard to film. As for selling it, first you'd have to wipe the hard drive and then reinstall the operating system, do all the updates and it would take a long, long time. He probably doesn't have that time.
There's hardly anything worse they could do to the kid than let her get set in her current mental attitude. That WOULD be abusive.
Harmony Blue
(3,978 posts)What baffles me is how do people expect a teen to grow up without doing some chores and learning about responsibility? The father even suggests that she pick up a part time job?
For those defending this brat, imagine this girl picking up a job at McDonalds and calling a manager a loser when she is given a task to be done? What do you think will happen?
Destroying the computer was done for dramatic effect but the symbolism makes sense. A computer is junk, and bullets are not any different once used. But family is forever. You don't call your mom a cleaning lady... o.O
HuckleB
(35,773 posts)Now he's mad because someone else didn't do the job for him.
Cut the crap.
Quixote1818
(29,025 posts)It was all anger.
Yo_Mama
(8,303 posts)Apparently there has been a divorce. He may not have had the kid all the time, and there may be other problems relating to that.
There surely is love and concern in his updating of the laptop, isn't there? Note that he is referring to this being a second offense.
Playing the parental heavy at this stage of teen development is not generally easy. If he is trying to be a father, he can't let this girl work herself into a self-referential emotion-fueled ongoing hysteria of victimization that justifies her lack of empathy toward others plus her refusal to take any responsibility, and he is right to be concerned that this kid is developing an online persona, based on lies, that is going to fuel that through supportive comments through others.
What concerns me about what the girl wrote is that it is based on lies (she doesn't do all the housework - very, very far from it) and that she is displaying a lack of empathy and respect. And that lack of empathy and respect isn't demonstrated just toward the current malefactor - the dad. No, it's even to Linda, the lady who comes in and does the heavy cleaning.
To be honest I would never have responded this way. It's entirely antithetical to my personality. But when I was lying in bed last night waiting to go to sleep, I suddenly realized why the dad felt he had to make this video and upload this video to the girl's Facebook page. Because this is a second offense, he doesn't want to let it WORK. See, the kid will have plenty of access to the internet elsewhere. Killing the laptop isn't going to change that. And if the kid is getting all these supportive responses to her plaints of dire abuse online, it's going to support her mindset. And that mindset isn't a healthy one at this age.
Look how many people on this thread accepted the girl's claims at face value, even though there were obvious contextual clues within the girl's "To My Parents" screed that her claims were false.
He probably wants her to get a job so badly because she is money-motivated, and if she gets a job, she's going to have to cope with another decidedly unromantic world in which she will be confronted with reality and will have to conform to expectations to get what she wants.
At this stage in teen development they have to develop their own personality, their own identity, and their own drives. That's all necessary. It is imperative that adult personality which begins to form at this stage has contact with reality. That's his fundamental concern. I think the concern is well-based. He did this to merge the two worlds and teach the kid that this stuff doesn't WORK.
In a year or two, the girl will be through this stage and much happier.
HuckleB
(35,773 posts)This is one messed up dude. If this video doesn't make that clear, then, well, that's just bizarre.
If she's spoiled and not respectful, maybe he might have considered not spoiling her, and also demonstrating the concept of respect.
Matariki
(18,775 posts)Posteritatis
(18,807 posts)Terra Alta
(5,158 posts)A very rural area, full of rednecks who love their guns. It doesn't surprise me that something like this would happen here. The video is getting a lot of attention here, and most people here support the father.
I think the father is way out of line here. Yes, the girl is a brat, but FFS, she's a teenager! Teens sometimes say hateful things about their parents. What the father should have done was donate the laptop to charity and make his daughter pay for all the hard work and hardware he put on the laptop. Violence is never the answer.
HuckleB
(35,773 posts)If a parent isn't adult enough to let his kid's rant about him go, then he's not adult enough to be a parent.
She didn't do anything that hasn't been happening for the entirety of humanity. It's normal. On the other hand, his actions remind me of people with personality disorders.
6000eliot
(5,643 posts)TreasonousBastard
(43,049 posts)someone nobody knows, and assuming this wasn't all a big hoot in the first place.
Him going to college, working two jobs, and a volunteer fireman when 15 and in high school was the tipoff. How it was all so laid back and rehearsed was another.
Yeah, she coulda said all that (anyone seen her Facebook wall?) teenagers being what they've always been, and that could've been his answer for real.
But, real or not, I still think it was hilarious. Nobody got hurt, the message was sent, and what parent hasn't thought something like that at least once?
Paladin
(28,287 posts)Being an experienced father with a couple of grown daughters, I know that for a fact. The only thing more unfortunate than this jerk getting to play Daddy Badass with a gun is the sad fact that he became a parent.
Fumesucker
(45,851 posts)And never once thought about shooting her stuff..
Posteritatis
(18,807 posts)HuckleB
(35,773 posts)HuckleB
(35,773 posts)Since boys with sense will stay away from this family, he just shot his gene pool in the foot.
Quixote1818
(29,025 posts)Seems like a dysfunctional family to me. I also noticed he threw his cigarette on the ground suggesting to me that he might really be a slob like her letter said. Also, his final words were telling. He said "Have a good day You'all" which makes me wonder if he was showboating to an audience more than trying to teach his daughter to be a better person.
HuckleB
(35,773 posts)... the thought of "teaching a lesson" ended long ago.
meaculpa2011
(918 posts)and found my son's midnight snack dishes in the sink for 1,200th time.
At 1PM he woke up and found food encrusted dishes, knives, forks, and pots on his bed. WTF!!!???
At 1:30PM the doorbell rang and he ran off to the comic book store with his friends.
At 1:45PM I cleaned up the pots and dishes, then stripped his bed and put the sheets, comforter and pillowcases into the laundry.
At 5:45PM he and his friends (think Big Bang Theory without the advanced degrees) walked through the door.
Just as an aside, I was on a ladder painting our dining room.
At 5:46PM he said: "Hi Dad. The guys are hungry. What's for dinner?"
At 6:30PM they finished their burgers and hot dogs and left for a Magic Card tournament.
I didn't have to clean any dishes because I made them eat off of paper plates.
That'll show 'em.
crim son
(27,465 posts)I'm a parent of three very happy, very intelligent and very popular kids, two of them now in college, and though I like to claim I'm just lucky I know there's more to it than that. The father in this video is an IDIOT and everything he's doing undermines the authority he thinks he has. First, he is publicizing his daughter's transgression, humiliating her, making himself look seriously deranged and thus ensuring her future lack of respect. Then, according to the description, he shoots his daughter's laptop to prove his point. What the hell sort of lesson/example does he think he's giving with that over-the-top, inherently dangerous and fundamentally stupid move? His daughter may now fear him, but that's all. I'd fear him too, and if I were a neighbor I'd report him to child services. This same father who will shake his head in twenty years wondering why his daughter never calls and why his son can't seem to keep a job. There is nothing funny about it and the fact that some folks seem to find his actions just dandy goes a long way to explaining what's wrong with the good ol' u.s.a. The man is vile.
KurtNYC
(14,549 posts)and stop the public mud fight.
Also shooting the laptop seems like a kind of threat, not too subtle. As if to say 'I am going to take my long simmering anger out on your beloved laptop this time' but next time?
Honeycombe8
(37,648 posts)Fear him? Clearly she doesn't. And he doesn't seem dangerous to me. Bullies hit people, not destroy laptops for punishment. (Maybe he should've cleaned out the hard drive & given it to charity, tho.) Public? The daughter is the one who made it public.
The kid sounds like a spoiled brat. She's also apparently in her teens, since her Dad suggested she get a job. She should get a job, earn some money, and start paying for her luxury items like laptops and phones. That teaches a kid the value of items.
This was not a mean guy. Maybe not your style of parenting. Clearly he was spittin' mad. Which he had a right to be.
I wouldn't have handled it in that way. The kid was venting to her friends, spouting off, and probably didn't mean half of what she said. But she posted it publicly, and parents are people, too. I'm on this guy's side. The girl should learn to be accountable for her words. Next time maybe she'll think twice before spouting off about someone publicly. If she'd spouted off about some bully at school, it could've meant physical harm to her.
Actions have consequences.
HuckleB
(35,773 posts)The dude is as nuts as they come. This video makes that very clear. This is not parenting. This is sick crap.
Clames
(2,038 posts)...then you've lived a very sheltered life. Get out in the world and see how parent's handle their children's discipline issues in other cultures. He shot a damn laptop and didn't lay a finger on his daughter. Consider that for a few minutes.
HuckleB
(35,773 posts)I've lived a normal life, where people don't take minor issues to youtube.
Are you really that out to lunch?
Clames
(2,038 posts)...you don't know a fraction of what people air out on youtube... You are part of the contingent making a mountain out of a mole hill with this video. Out to lunch indeed, you are making dinner plans apparently...
Honeycombe8
(37,648 posts)OTOH, he and the mom raised her.
Still...the kid needs to be taught the value of things. Nothing makes you recognize the value of things than having to work, earn money, and then pay for your laptop yourself.
The chores she has to do do seem to be a bit much, but if she's the only kid over 6, that'd explain that. There're a lot more chores to do around the house than what she does, so others are doing those things.
I would've just stomped on the laptop, myself. Or maybe thrown it. But if guns are this guy's thing, then so be it. I see nothing wrong with that, if it's legal and he was careful and aiming only at the laptop, which he was. Bravo, Dad.
Generic Other
(28,979 posts)Dad mentioned "mom" and "stepmom." That changes the dynamics a bit if you ask me. Seems possible dad is having an Alex Baldwin non-custodial dad moment. He's projecting a lot of suppressed anger at the daughter. How fair is that? My dad would have told me how hurt he was and I would have felt lower than a dog for criticizing him online. I probably would have apologized on Facebook. I think if the dad had honestly dealt with issues surrounding the divorce -- and don't tell me there aren't ones the kid had to process and probably overcome largely without the help of her parents. It isn't fair to blame either for the outburst, but it is important maybe to figure out why it might have happened.
I did not experience divorce as a child. And I was a mess. I can't even imagine how my friends who had to coped with the family turmoil. Just sayin'.
Honeycombe8
(37,648 posts)(not stepmom), so family gets along. It's a good thing for kids to learn there are consequences for their words and actions. I don't think this was too harsh. I wouldn't have done exactly that, but we're all different.
What would've crossed my mind is make the kid do volunteer work around people who have REAL problems.
Beacool
(30,254 posts)On one hand, I have seen in the last 10 years the most spoiled kids ever. Each of my friends' children (some at a very young age) have in their rooms: flat screen TVs, video players (DVD or Blue Ray), smart phones, laptops, WIIs, X Boxes, iPods, iPads and every other gadget imaginable. Did these kids do anything to earn them? Mostly not.
As a society, we are raising children who are spoiled, entitled and assume that the world revolves around them. Well, these are tough times and they are going to hit a brick wall when they finally realize that the world can do just fine without them. I see the now adult version of these kids in the corporate world. They are arrogant, not very well rounded and have a lousy work ethic.
What values are we teaching our children? I went to visit a friend and all four of them (mother, father, 11 and 15 year old girls), were on some gadget. Do people talk to each other anymore? Don't get me wrong, I love being on the computer, but there's a time and place for everything.
The girl in this video may be spoiled, but we are only seeing the dad's version of the story. He may be right and she could be a spoiled brat, but on the other hand, she could just have been venting. Who doesn't vent about their parents, school, job, mate, etc.? Goodness knows I have said things in the heat of the moment that I didn't really mean. Her mistake was posting it on Facebook.
He rfather had a right to be upset, but I do think that destroying the laptop was way over the top. They are not cheap and he could have withheld it from her until she realized that she needed to be more respectful or he could have donated it. But shooting it? I found that disturbing.
Parenting and raising kids has never been easy, but the internet and social networks have made it worse.
McCamy Taylor
(19,240 posts)So I am not going to watch the video.
Londoncalling
(66 posts)This father is de-ranged. She is probarbly telling the truth, she does have alot of chores and no time. She will never trust him again.
OneTenthofOnePercent
(6,268 posts)BOHICA12
(471 posts)... but I've been right there with him.
Omaha Steve
(99,878 posts)Kick