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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsRussia Issues Terror Alert For ‘Moose And Squirrel’
NEWS
Russia Issues Terror Alert For Moose And Squirrel
By Frederick Taub
SOCHI, RUSSIAN FEDERATION Just hours before the opening ceremony for the Sochi Winter Olympics, Russia has put out an alert for two potential terror suspects, referred to by security officials as moose and squirrel.
An outpouring of fear swept the tiny coastal town on the Black Sea as details emerged of the possible terrorist attack by the unlikely combination of two Americans, identified as Mr. Bullwinkle J. Moose and Rocket J. Squirrel. The two suspects are reportedly from Frostbite Falls, Minnesota, which Russian officials believe may indicate a connection to Canadian separatists.
A friend of the two, historical expert nonpareille Mr. Peabody, said that any terrorist connection was preposterous and indubitably unprovable. An e-mail from Mr. Squirrels attorney merely said, Hokey Smoke!
We thinking this is classic lone-wolf, err lone-moose type suicide bomber, worlds greatest no-goodnik, said Boris Badenov, a Russian expert on security and espionage who announced heightened security measures to catch the pair. He was joined by Colonel Natasha Fatale of the FSB.
Security is going so well darling, Ms. Fatale told reporters, before adding, until we get word of confounded moose and squirrel!
News of this development has only aggravated tensions ahead of the Games, as Russian security forces are already under intense scrutiny for failing to catch a pair of Chechen terrorists who planted a cartoonishly-large bomb with a long white wick at a train station in Volgograd. Local guards were allegedly lured away by a steaming bowl of borscht left at a strategic distance.
When asked how Russian intelligence would prevent any additional lapses in security, Mr. Badenov explained Fearless Leader says any more screw-ups will result in comrade agents being liquidated!
To help enhance security before the opening ceremony, Russia has reportedly also enlisted the aid of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police.
Read more:
http://www.duffelblog.com/2014/02/russia-issues-terror-alert-moose-squirrel/#ixzz2tGQLOLLj
Kurovski
(34,655 posts)K&R
Art_from_Ark
(27,247 posts)Dudley Do-Right, or Klondike Kat?
Dawson Leery
(19,348 posts)Laxman
(2,419 posts)I went to college with him. He was a classmate of mine at Wossamatta U. We were both on the football team.
Dread Pirate Roberts
(1,897 posts)Baclava
(12,047 posts)Kurovski
(34,655 posts)I was told (by a friend's sister) of kids in Alaska having what amounts to "moose alerts' around the elementary school.
they can kill a person.
pinboy3niner
(53,339 posts)one night when I lived in seattle, we heard terrible screaming in the middle of the night, grabbed the flashlight, ran outside to see a huge raccoon with a squirrel in its mouth climbing down a tree
Din-din din.
.
pinboy3niner
(53,339 posts)...ran out with a flashlight to find...two raccoons mating--very noisily--in the neighbor's backyard.
I kind of felt bad for intruding and causing raccoonus interruptus.
Kurovski
(34,655 posts)...that's my take-away.
awoke_in_2003
(34,582 posts)Adrahil
(13,340 posts)Baclava
(12,047 posts)with the sharpened end of an interspace tøøthbrush given
her by Svenge - her brother-in-law - an Oslo dentist and
star of many Norwegian møvies: "The Høt Hands of an Oslo
Dentist", "Fillings of Passion", "The Huge Mølars of Horst
Nordfink".