Vibes for you and yours.

had to be done in such a violent way. There should be more and easier access to end of life determinations.

But mostly I'm just sorry for your loss.

It shouldn't have to be this way. Thank you..

We campaigned hard to pass Physician assisted suicide at all in WA state just a few years ago. But it is tightly constrained in method, and availability. I'm not sure those conditions would have qualified.

Even if it did, there are those who would not willingly choose a needle or a pill to accomplish it. Done properly, a firearm can fully disrupt the central nervous system instantly. Sadly, my first boss, and a good friend, ended up choosing this option. I miss him very much. I do not question his choice though, and I do not view it as 'violence'. It is an option I reserve for myself, if certain predispositions in my family eventually come to haunt me.

(I'd do it outside, if possible though, so a family member doesn't have to discover it or clean it up.)

I tend to think more options is better than fewer, since not everyone will choose the same method, if/when confronted with that choice.

I suppose it is 'violent' in the sense of being swift or sudden, but it seems to me that is a desirable attribute in this case, for those that wish to go out like a light switch rather than taking a medication/O.D. type path. (Psychologically, there is a significant preference delta between males and females on this issue.)

Presuming the person didn't suffer, I would think the loss of a family member would be the lamentable aspect, not dwell on the means, if that is what the individual preferred.

(that's why I didn't reply directly to the OP with it. Not meant to be disruptive.)

in the process of somehow getting in the way of a grenade or land mine. I haven't seen him in many years, but I imagine the pain from such a serious injury not only endures, but gets worse over time.

Sending you hugs, Trudy.

may he rest in peace. So sad that we do not make these end of life stages less stressful. Hospice and respecting folks' wishes as to ending the pain. Not everyone wants to be hooked up to machines and dragged along painfully to the bitter end. We need to respect wishes on this and pass laws that allow mercy (PAS), imo.

In a more just and humane society, we would be able to make our own choices. He was a doctor and knew how things would end. Someone else I knew took her life with morphine patches, a gentler way to go My brother's wife is devastated. Part of me is angry at him for doing this, but I totally understand it as well. Suicide is so hard on those left behind.

It seems like he lived a good life, and a long one. For those left behind, it is always sad to see someone they love leave this world.

Take care,

Sending vibes for peace and strength as you all deal with this loss.

A debilitating illness is rough on everyone. RIP to Jules, peace and comfort to you and the family.

Peace to you and your loved ones.

Im so sorry there wasn't a better way for him to go.

While I understand there is nothing pleasant about a suicide I think the trauma to the survivors and the angst to the sufferers could be greatly improved. It doesn't have to be more than a natural passing process where the survivors understand and accept.

This is way more common than people realize. There are easier options, but there still needs to be a lot of legal and medical work done in this area. I'm hoping the first wave of terminally ill baby boomers will make assisted suicide legal so late boomers and beyond will have kinder options.

It must be a total shock, even if "understandable," as you say.

Take care, and healing wishes to you & your clan...

I'm glad you don't have a gun. If I find myself in that position, I'd find a gentler way somehow.
Peace to you, too.

Been there.
47 yrs ago, I was 19.
My brother took his life, same method, at only 17.
That his life was gone from us was sad.
How it ended was the tragedy that sit on our shoulders to this day.
I hope for healing in your heart someday.
Peace

for your loss. How does one heal from this, I wonder.

This event broke my faith in the God I was raised to believe in. I pretty much settled on the hawks that soar & song birds. The sight of color in the clouds of sunrise & sunset.
Trees, breezes, meadow grasses & the bloom of seasons. The open unsettled space of Mountains & prairie.
Mother Earth & Father Sky. And some days even Jesus shows up. Its all connected but not the way I was taught.
And though there are times of peace & acceptance of something that breaks the heart, its a rather fragile scar that can reopen at any time, & time moves on & heals it over & that becomes the way I have had to live my life.

Guess the only answer to healing is that Time keeps pushing you along. Life is not a lengthy thing so ask yourself how this man would want you to live beyond his passing.
And follow that & carry him with you.
Its ok to talk with him now & then too.
Peace

He should have had access to a calm, reasonable method to just drift away. COPD is touch enough, he should have been able to end his struggle without a gun.

I can't say I have the courage for that, but I do understand from where it comes.

Never a good way to schedule that sort of thing, even medically, but it is sad when people don't have the chance to say goodbye at least.

I understand, though, the desire to go out on one's own terms.

My father--at 91--after being confined to a wheel chair (because of falls) in a nursing home, unable to really feed himself, change
the channels on TV, read the paper, or figure out how to push the buttons to play music
on a tape player, decided to stop eating. He'd had enough and I respected his decision. The nursing
home wanted to put in a feeding tube, and according to my dad's advance directive, he didn't want
that. He became comatose within a day and death followed several days later.

Personally, I think there should be gentler options available to people who have outlived
their bodies and decided it's time to go. So, I agree, I wish another option had been available
to your sister in law's father.

...that he had had a kinder, gentler way to make his exit available to him.

May he rest in peace.

I've got personal experience with the mess.

Terminally ill people ought to have better ways to say goodbye.

You made me think back to my own mom, then in her 80s - watching my dad in ICU - all trussed up with wires and tubes and a ventilator. AWFUL. AWFUL. AWFUL. She shook her head and said "this isn't living." And she kept repeating that. We were all grateful that he spent less than two weeks in that state. He was inert, at best semi-comatose. He could do little more than raise his eyebrows. Little more than a piece of meat by then. He was 83 when he made the jump to light speed. It was easier by then to determine what he was NOT dying of. It was MASSIVE cascade failure.

Her last hospitalization while she herself was pretty much still with it, even then, she started in on that again, too - regarding her own condition. "This isn't living. This isn't living." She kept saying that. She was dead in about a month-and-a-half. Barely made it to 90. At one point I even asked the hospital - isn't there anything that can be done to ease her passage? Don't they all follow the basic rule - "first, do no harm"? Oh no. Just wait it out and let her suffer. Yeah, that's the ticket.

That's the other side of the knife blade - living that long. It's not always a blessing.

My deepest condolences to you.