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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsHere is your ‘Donald Trump Hunger Games Veepstakes Fight-to-the-Death’ scorecard
Source: Raw Story
Name: Dr. Ben Carson
Nom de guerre: Hammertime
Background: An honest to God real brain surgeon and a very close personal friend of Jesus.
Strengths: This former surgeon is well-trained in the knowledge of where all the major organs are located and where to as they say in the medical journals cut a bitch. Carson would be deadly with a blade. In fact. he has a history of violence, once attempting to stab a friend and another time going after his mom with a hammer. Yup, a hammer. His mom. Dont let his sleepy demeanor disarm you. Dude is as cold and passionless as a hospital bill collector.
Weaknesses: Seems drugged most of the time. Could suffer from narcolepsy making him easy prey if you just wait around long enough maybe read him a Robert Samuelson column to speed up the process. Likely to die of starvation while vainly searching for a long lost pyramid filled to the rafters with quinoa.
Name: Ted Cruz
Nom de guerre: Lucifer in the Flesh or Creepface or The Mancanadian Candidate
Background: Texas senator and alleged serial killer.
Strengths: Cold-blooded indifference to anyone not named Ted Cruz including the wife and mother of his children. Described as being preternaturally smart at a very young age, there are some who say that he went on a murder spree in Northern California before he was born which his wife all but admitted, saying: Well, Ive been married to him for 15 years, and I know pretty well who he is, so it doesnt bother me at all. Theres a lot of garbage out there. Nice non-denial denial, lady.
Weaknesses: Under most circumstances, Cruz would be the odds on favorite to come out on top, but no matter how many times he claims to have a close personal relationship with Jesus, it would appear that Jesus is just not that into Ted. Likely scenario has Cruz a victim or two away from claiming victory before he is beat senseless and to the ground by a rain of frogs from the sky, struck by lighting and then consumed by a plague of locusts. The Earth will then open up and his bones with plummet to the bowels of hell. Satan will not be pleased.
Name: Sarah Palin
Nom de guerre: The Killa from Wasilla
Background: Half-term governor of Alaska, reality star, post-structuralist motivational speaker with an emphasis on Jesus and the freedoms of America and, yknow, Founding Fathers thingamabobbies and whosits.
Strengths: This notoriously scrappy hockey mom/pitbull knows how to gut a fish and gun down a wolf from a small plane. Just like she has done to the moose of Alaska, Palin will mercilessly slaughter her victim and use their flesh to make her world famous chili (kitchen hint: a pinch of meth to give it some kick). While a formidable opponent when going Sarah-a-mano, Palin family wildlings are also likely to come swarming from out of nowhere to assist her depending upon who is pregnant at the moment.
Weaknesses: Who are we kidding? Shell quit. Shell see something shiny like a spot on Celebrity Rehab or a 70 percent off sale on bangle bracelets at Chicos and go wobbling away like a sugared-up toddler.
More: http://www.rawstory.com/2016/05/here-is-your-donald-trump-hunger-games-veepstakes-fight-to-the-death-scorecard/
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Here is your ‘Donald Trump Hunger Games Veepstakes Fight-to-the-Death’ scorecard (Original Post)
demmiblue
May 2016
OP
LastLiberal in PalmSprings
(12,604 posts)1. There's only one person who is smart enough to be Trump's VP
Let's have a ticket of winners!
mentalsolstice
(4,463 posts)2. The entire article is pure comedy gold!
As are the comments!
And I so want this bumper sticker:
flamingdem
(39,342 posts)3. Watch him pick someone
more horrifying