General Discussion
Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsGuys, when was the last time you hugged your father?
Asking mostly for the men here. I'm 30 and I honestly can't remember. It must've been before High School at least; maybe Middle School.
OnDoutside
(19,987 posts)as possible.
Shrek
(3,986 posts)Before that it would have been on his birthday in April.
samnsara
(17,665 posts)(((hugs)))
Drahthaardogs
(6,843 posts)As well as my friends.
We're italian. It's cultural
FarCenter
(19,429 posts)Drahthaardogs
(6,843 posts)Latin culture is different, in my biased opinion, better in many ways.
Codeine
(25,586 posts)I hug my friends whenever we meet, and hug them again when I leave.
California thing, maybe?
FarCenter
(19,429 posts)There are a variety of ways of showing love and respect. Your ethnic group may vary.
tymorial
(3,433 posts)That includes my in-laws, my uncle's and cousins. My entire family is either English or French Canadian. A lot is changed and if anything this is more generational than cultural . When I was a kid my dad's side of the family definitely did not hug but they all do now.
I have a huge family. If we all gathered together for dinner with all sides and in-laws we would have probably over 300 people in the same room.
Egnever
(21,506 posts)Hugged my dad up till he died and he was a complete asshole. Still he was my dad.
Adrahil
(13,340 posts)Give my adult male friends a "manly back slapper."
smirkymonkey
(63,221 posts)And kiss him on the cheek.
samnsara
(17,665 posts)TexasProgresive
(12,165 posts)Dad ,rip, died 2 weeks later. I miss him. Let your parents, siblings, spouses and children know that you love them. NOW
JustAnotherGen
(32,046 posts)About an hour before he collapsed.
Demsrule86
(68,825 posts)I have not hugged my Dad since 94 as he died that year. I miss him to this day. Hug your Dad and tell him you love him...who knows when it will be the last time.
PJMcK
(22,074 posts)My dad visited us for a week. I hugged him, and he hugged me, every day.
I'm going to visit with him for Thanksgiving week. I know we'll hug one another every day I'm there.
I'm 59 and I love my father. He and my mother raised us to express ourselves to one another.
Try it sometime soon. You won't regret it!
justhanginon
(3,290 posts)He was a good man but just not one to show that kend of emotion.
I have two kids, I usually see one or the other roughly once a week and we virtually hug upon meeting and again when we part. Been doing that pretty much forever and I am so grateful to them for the feeling of love that it gives me. As I approach old age I know that that will always be a comfort to me no matter what lies ahead. I am one very grateful parent.
doc03
(35,454 posts)when I was too young to remember. I think it is in our English heritage not to show emotion.
N_E_1 for Tennis
(9,804 posts)we also kissed. He died about 30 years ago. My 2 sons and I do the same every time we are together.
It's not a cultural thing, it's a love thing.
Atticus
(15,124 posts)"strong and silent" type: we shook hands; we patted shoulders; we never hugged---or kissed---or said "I love you". Then my dear mother---and the love of his life---died. As she had often done in life, Mom's death helped us change for the better. We hugged when we met and traded "I love yous" when we parted. As he battled leukemia---twice---a few years later, I added a kiss each time I left him.
I treasure the memory of those hugs and am unbelievably grateful that my Dad heard me TELL him that I loved him.
Guys, make the drive or pick up the phone and tell him---today. And, the next time you see him, embrace him as you would if you'd never have another chance. You may not.
VOX
(22,976 posts)And Im the exact age right now as he was when he succumbed to a massive heart attack so long ago.
Ive thought about him every. single. day. since his death.
NickB79
(19,301 posts)2003.
I've spoken to him all of 15 min. over the last two years, so we're not exactly close.
Dustlawyer
(10,499 posts)"In the Living Years" by Mike & the Mechanics speaks of the differences we can have with our fathers and how we need to make peace with our Fathers before they are gone. While we always got along it made me really appreciate him more while i still had him.
My dad once told me his father never told him he loved him. He made it a point to tell me how much he loved me after that. It was something that he must have given a lot of thought to. Knowing my grandfather I understood, he didn't hug me either. I was important to him to "carry on the family name" and not much else.
My son hugs me every time we get to see each other. We have a wonderful relationship for which I am eternally grateful for. I wish everyone would at least try. Listen to the song if you need inspiration and I hope you can patch any differences with your fathers you may have.
Tried to link the video but will have to have someone show me how to do it right.
True Dough
(17,392 posts)tymorial
(3,433 posts)I cannot imagine not having my dad around. But think about it too much I start crying.
I am so sorry for everyone on this thread who had lost a parent.
Dustlawyer
(10,499 posts)JDC
(10,152 posts)moriah
(8,311 posts)At about 10:10 PM Eastern.
Then he let go of the body that had wasted to a 14 BMI and was causing him so much pain.
Codeine
(25,586 posts)InAbLuEsTaTe
(24,128 posts)moriah
(8,311 posts)I finally found out what happened to the man, sadly after Dad had died. Dad grew up never knowing that side of the family, he only showed up once when he was a teenager, and Dad only learned why I had red hair when he went to his paternal grandmother's funeral thinking he might be there.
He'd actually cared and wanted answers. I wish I'd been able to provide them to him in life. Dad knew enough from hearing things from his mother, that one visit, and meeting his extended family to think his father was involved in some kind of criminal activity. He eventually assumed the reason he never showed up in the Social Security Death Index and no PI could locate him was that he was "wearing concrete boots somewhere" for screwing up.
Turns out dude was definitely involved in some kind of criminal activity, identity theft was his life. And he *did* screw up and was hiding until his death.
The US Marshals had seen the report I made of an "unnaccounted likely dead person due to age -- not in death index -- want to make sure he wasn't unclaimed in a morgue", and because interviews with his only living sister by police once they took my report indicated he'd stolen his brother's identity and used it for several years, and took DNA to rule him out as a rather notorious unidentified decedent involved in identity theft.
It wasn't that guy, but while waiting for the DNA the Marshal had dug up federal information the state police couldn't. He'd kept sporadic contact with his blood family for favors or money, but not been heard from by any family member after a material witness warrant was issued for him on a case out of California. He'd told everyone he'd been in a completely different geographical area -- Chicago -- at the last time he made contact, but there's no evidence he ever lived there under any of his identities.
He finally resumed use of his own social security number but a different name when he had medical issues, along with a slightly different date of birth. The case in Cali was over, but he still never made family contact. He also had an unusual issue -- had somehow experienced a non-medical amputation of his hand that had been treated by an ER after claiming that there was an "accident" -- prior to the time of his death, in Texas.
Since the police and PI were searching by name, and apparently not by SSN, they never found anything. The Federal access to social security work records a US Marshal has when investigating identity theft was the only way we'd have ever known.
I'm not going to bother moving him to NC, but will probably set up a cenotaph for him in the family cemetery now that we know.
For Dad.
DiverDave
(4,895 posts)He was a bastard that left my mom alone with 4 kids. Coming back every 2-3 years to promise things
that never happened.
Last I got from him was a letter in 88.
I have no idea if he is alive.
If not I hope he suffered at the end. He deserved it.
On a happier note, I hug and kiss my son's every time I see them.
I love them, you see...unlike my father and me.
Iggo
(47,597 posts)Will do probably again on T-Day and again on Xmas. And then his birthday after that. Then it's a long stretch til my b-day comes around again.
So I guess four times a year. Never really put a number on it before. Feels weird.
BTW, my Dad lives with me, if that helps to put it in perspective.
Add: He randomly grabs me from behind sometimes like when I'm standing staring out the window or some shit. You know, the play-violent kind that manly-men do. (The "It's okay to show love if you add a backslap and maybe an insult in there" kind of hug...lol.)
Last add: He's 86 and I'm 56.
greatauntoftriplets
(175,776 posts)He died that year.
Golden Raisin
(4,619 posts)He was a narcissist, very austere and severe, and didn't really care about anyone else. Certainly not a hugger. Having experienced his narcissism it's very easy to see and identify it in Trump.
Wounded Bear
(58,792 posts)He was 49 when I was born, and he passed just after my 18th birthday. That wasn't as much of a thing back then.
ProfessorGAC
(65,427 posts)Jan 31st 2001. 635 pm
InAbLuEsTaTe
(24,128 posts)aikoaiko
(34,186 posts)And I make sure I hug the old man a couple of times when I do.
And I tell him I love him on the phone once a month.
I'm fifty now and I started to make more of effort when I was 35-40.
Kirk Lover
(3,608 posts)Efilroft Sul
(3,586 posts)Right before he died.
On edit: Lots of times before that, too.
Dave Starsky
(5,914 posts)And every time we part ways until next time.
It's sad that you (or he) feel like you can't do that.
roamer65
(36,748 posts)malaise
(269,328 posts)Get thee to the greatest page.
My dad's been dead 34 years.
Tatiana
(14,167 posts)I'm not a guy, but there is an overarching lesson to be learned here...
Buckeye_Democrat
(14,860 posts)I loved my father, but those kinds of gestures of affection seemed awkward with him. That was my mother's domain.
There was no hugging between my older brothers and him either. One brother told me about one of his friends CRYING about never hugging his father, and we both considered his tears to be bizarre (and a little funny). From our perspective, what kind of guy would even want to hug his father?! That was years ago, however, so I'm more sympathetic about it now.
The lack of physical affection with my father still doesn't bother me in the least, however. Mom took care of that.
Edit: This video reminds me of my family situation. Hugging Dad would've been like hugging wire, his muscles were so stiff from years of hard work.
tymorial
(3,433 posts)My dad helps watch my daughter a couple days a week. I started giving him hugs and telling him that I love him regularly when I graduated from college. He never had a close relationship with his father. I don't think they ever said I love you to each other. I only saw them Embrace once when my grandparents came up from Florida the year before my grandfather died. I know it weighs heavily on my dad especially as he approaches the same age.
My dad is my hero and I really mean that. He is quite frankly the most selfless, kind and loving person I know. He rarely said I love you when my sister and I were little but I always knew he did. He was a product of a family where emotion just wasnt expressed. So when I got older and a little wiser I realized that expressions of love matter. So I tell him I love him and hug him when I see him. It is my job to make sure he knows.
Foolacious
(497 posts)SonofDonald
(2,050 posts)In home hospice, the last time was less than an hour before he passed away in his sleep, I knew it was coming and held his hand while he slept, I fell asleep in a chair next to his bed and woke up to find he was gone.
Hug your father guys, and tell them you love them every chance you get, you may not get another chance.
ileus
(15,396 posts)Mom on the other hand it's been 12 years.
trof
(54,256 posts)My father left my life when I was 4, so I don't remember if I ever hugged him.
Never had a son.
Every time we visit our daughter and family my son-in-law and I hug on arriving and departing.
Response to briv1016 (Original post)
Squinch This message was self-deleted by its author.
OldHippieChick
(2,434 posts)not hug often, if ever. My son and his father hugged more often until his father cheated on me. Don't think they ever hugged after that;
Lefta Dissenter
(6,623 posts)He's 88. I'm grateful for each and every opportunity I have to do so.
Freethinker65
(10,116 posts)ghostsinthemachine
(3,569 posts)He died in 2008 at 86 and I cannot recall us hugging one time.
UTUSN
(70,793 posts)Adrahil
(13,340 posts)I used to give my Dad a hug whenever I visited him. The last time was a few hours before his death. I was 34.
Justice
(7,188 posts)hunter
(38,353 posts)Tickets my mom scored on travelocity.
My mom and dad are artists. Highly eccentric. They live on this earth wherever they please. No, not like wealthy people. They have never been wealthy. I have some wonderful childhood memories of living as indigent Americans escaped from Franco's Spain into France.
My parents have more recently lived in places beyond my economic reach. So long as they're happy. My eighty plus year old artist dad has a good union pension and he and my mom make the most of it.
Not my life. Yet.
Sen. Walter Sobchak
(8,692 posts)My father is 91, I firmly believe both my parents will make it past 100, but I never really know when it will be the last time I see him.
Texasgal
(17,049 posts)hug him and kiss him every time I see him. I come from a very touchy feel family... it's never been akward.
Response to briv1016 (Original post)
Skittles This message was self-deleted by its author.
Luciferous
(6,087 posts)Although they are usually those more manly quick pat on the back kind of hugs.
mulsh
(2,959 posts)up with him. He was hospitalized for his final two months and very much aware and ready to die. My twin brother and I visited with him every day. Through the weeks he repeatedly told us he was ready to go. My mom and younger brother died a few years before this. He was getting tired of watching the rest of the people he love expire. He died on 2/16/07 at 6pm.
Every time we visited him his room was full of nurses, orderlies, and even some doctors cracking jokes and hanging out with him. Talk about being in his element. Its may sound strange but this wasn't a particularly sad experience for any of us. He had a good and fulfiling life, his kids adored and liked him. As did our friends.
We both hugged our parents a lot during their lifes. One of the things my dad and I talked about that day was how fortunate my brothers and I knew we were to have such truly fine parents. Before it could get maudlin he said "let's cut this shit and hit on some nurses." I swear we could hear my mom "saying "you old fool"
seleff
(154 posts)Just flew halfway around the world to see him perform his first Arena music gig in Asia. Big hug before and after his set was over, both days. My father-in-law and I exchange a kiss on the lips every time we gather after not seeing each other for awhile. My dad, (passed away 10 yrs ago) was also a kisser.
Raine
(30,546 posts)hug. No one on my father's side of the family was physically demonstrative. I never doubted my father's love though and I knew he never doubted mine, it was shown in other ways. My father died in 08, I miss him so much.
DFW
(54,506 posts)Pancreatic cancer. My mom called me from the States to say that the end was near, and I had better get over there if I wanted a last visit with him alive. This was on a Tuesday,I think. I booked a flight to Washington for that Saturday, November 25, 2000, leaving back for Germany on November 28th, the Tuesday after. When I got there on Saturday, he asked in his usual dry manner if he looked better or worse than I expected. Monday morning, he took his last breath with my mom on one side of him and me on the other. I was reluctant to leave my mom alone the next day, but my brother lived nearby, and both said I could go.
pnwmom
(109,025 posts)often enough . . . but I'll be paying more attention.
I know my husband wants our sons to feel loved.