Onion: "Jared And Ivanka Holding Each Other At Gunpoint In Kitchen After Simultaneously Revealing

https://politics.theonion.com/jared-and-ivanka-holding-each-other-at-gunpoint-in-kitc-1820431715

Jared And Ivanka Holding Each Other At Gunpoint In Kitchen After Simultaneously Revealing Undercover Identities

'‘FBI, You’re Under Arrest!’ Shouts Couple In Unison

WASHINGTON—Both shouting “FBI, you’re under arrest!” as they grabbed hidden pistols from behind the refrigerator and the back of the pantry, Jared Kushner and Ivanka Trump were reportedly holding each other at gunpoint in their kitchen Monday after simultaneously revealing their undercover identities. “I’m afraid you’re the one under arrest, sweetheart,” said Ivanka, as she and her husband warily circled the marble-topped kitchen island with their FBI badges held out and their weapons lethally trained on one another. “How about you just come quietly? If only one of us is getting out alive tonight, it’s not gonna be you.” At press time, authorities were reportedly leading the couple away in handcuffs after both were apprehended by Barron Trump, who had been tracking them undercover for the FBI for more than a year.