Do you suppose if I converted to Judaism I'd suddenly acquire lots of that "Jewish money"?

and it didn't happen to me. My parents were Jews all their lives, and they died poor.

There's some extra secret or special handshake that no one in my family was ever taught. Damn it.

Maybe I should find some rich Jews and see if they can give me the secret handshake? Let's see now, who should I look up? Oh, come on, Sheila. You must know someone. Oddly enough, I keep on thinking of rich non Jews. Sigh.