because my cousin was on it.

before being eliminated? And what did he/she have to say about Drumpf?

was. He just used the experience to further his career. He never said one way or the other if he saw Drumpf act in a revolting manner..

I once referred to it as "that weird crunchy snow" and everyone looked at me as if I was nuts.

embarrassing admission?

I have never, ever had even the tiniest ability in the area of mechanics, how things work, fixing things, etc. A total dud. That includes shit with computers - hardware or software. A dud.

I have mono-ocular vision and it's a lost cause. I don't even try. If someone pushes one in front of me, instead of informing them that there is on way I'm going to see the image and explain my problem, I just say "oh, look at that."

I use one eye at a time as one is very nearsighted and the other is farsighted. Optometrist tried to correct it by making me wear a patch (at home) as a kid but it was too late. 3D movies are a complete waste of time. I've read that people do this deliberately so they can wear contacts instead of bifocals. I may have a rare gift, who knew.

What a relief after all these years to learn that I was correct!

... and I can't seem to see the circles anymore no matter what!

I've never been able to see more complex images that were supposedly "hidden" in paintings. This clip from Seinfeld comes to mind.

Details redacted on the off-chance that the old bastage is still alive and tries to exact revenge.

Lookin' back on it, I'd've kicked us out, too.

I mean, did Belushi ever get kicked out of a party at Landis’ house?? Well done, you’ve out Belushi’d Belushi!!!

So did my sis.

My mother was VERY annoyed.

There are corners of the palace that reek of urine!

In the 80s, so my memory is a bit hazy.

Mom was so angry, but later it became a funny saying in my family.

We were in good company!

It was horrible. At least an hour of walking in circles trying to find someone who spoke English.

Piss Boy!

sometimes I nosh an entire bag

talk about egregious!

I know it is wrong

My gram gram sent me to the store for "osh " potatoes. I could not find them so I asked for help at the store. The guy in the grocery department gave me a quizzical look and then said, "do you mean IRISH potatoes?" Yup! That southern accent is absolutely awesome! I had no idea that my gram gram's "osh " potatoes were!

I don't speak Spanish. And I don't know most of the words in the songs. But I know the melodies so I belt out my own words.

and still refer to my boy cat as her on occasion

Feline:Female AND boys made of puppy dog tails

That's what I was going to post!

YAH!

...horrid fear of heights. And given the horror stories about airline service, I don't feel I've missed very much. Still--you should try everything once, etc, etc...

Mile for mile, flying is much safer than driving. I guess what I really have is a fear of falling.

I don't like confined spaces from which there is no escape.

I, on occasion, have panic attacks and the only relief is to escape my confines (room, space, or entire house) on an airplane the only escape is deadly!

there is no need to look out the window

and I have flown lots, and the airline service is just fine

In an airplane there are no edges, so I'm not afraid of falling or jumping. A sixth-floor balcony? Forget about it! And nothing on earth could ever compel me to visit the Grand Canyon.

In my case, it's not fear of heights, or crashing, or anything like that.

But I hate being stuck in crowds, hate large group conveyances, and HATE situations from which there is no immediate *available* escape. (When I go to the movies or a concert, an aisle seat works great). And I'm 6' 5", and I hate being wedged into tight spaces.

Air travel hits every vulnerable point mentioned above.

Which was a ***long*** time ago.
I am overweight - not horrendously so, but enough that I know I would be very uncomfortable with today's tiny plane seats. And I don't want rude stares and comments if I squish a neighbor. This was never a problem before - had no reason to fly (couldn't afford a fancy vacation, not required at my job) until my son moved to Florida. Went down there once and took Amtrak, Philly to WPB. Trip was comfortable and not real expensive but I feel like I wasted 2 days of my vacation. Next time I'll just deal with the discomfort and fly. I am losing weight but it's not going to be enough. Luckily my son is fine with flying home.

I don't know how to add, subtract or multiply fractions. I don't know the names of some of the punctuation marks and when one would use them. I thank God for Spell Check. I don't know the birthdays of my parents, siblings, step-children or grandchildren.

1/1 = 1 divided by 1 = 1.0

3/4 = 3 divided by 4 = 0.75

1/2 = 1 divided by 2 = 0.5

1/4 = 1 divided by 4 = 0.25

Even if you can't do it in your head (I can't), at least this makes it easy to convert them on even the simplest of calculators.

Thought of converting 5/8 to decimal as an example. Not knowing how many times 8 goes into 50, I count it out with my fingers ,. 8- 1 finger, 16 -2 fingers until I got to 48 which is 6 fingers. So the first digit is 6. Continuing on, the answer is 5/8 is equal to .625.

even if I met them dozens of times

it's like a Fresh_Start.

I see where the moniker comes from!

actually....I think I took the name when Obama won...
During Bush's terms...I used something like TheBushErrorInAmericanHistory....so Fresh_start was a nod to President Obama.

I've tried every trick, but no avail. Glad I'm not in sales or something.

Don't even try anymore.

I had wanted to get into some type of public service...but my horror at my own inability makes me almost unable to speak to people in person

People with two first names (one is their surname) confound me the most, like Thomas Anthony or Anthony Thomas. (disclaimer: I don't really know anyone with that name!)

When I'm driving in a place that is only somewhat familiar, I almost always get lost. I can very rarely drive to a location and then remember how to get back out using the same route. I rely heavily on GPS.

I'm a safe driver -- only two accidents over 28 years of driving, neither my fault -- but I struggle to get where I'm going.

Even worse, my significant other has an impeccable sense of direction, can't understand what the hell is wrong with me, and is deeply offended when i use GPS!

Only after living in the same general area for four decades have I gotten slightly familiar with my surroundings!

My wife seems to intuitively know her way around. Rarely makes a wrong turn. When we're driving together, she usually does the city driving or navigates while I negotiate traffic. I handle the vast majority of highway driving. It works out well for us.

I ask my wife. She points in one direction, I go in the opposite direction.

Hasn't failed once!

SwissTony with an Australian flag? Which side of the road do you drive on, for starters???

"Clear the way, SwissTony's coming through!"

He likens everything to making love to a beautiful woman. Here are some quotes...

http://www.jokefile.co.uk/rich/swisstony.html

There's also some clips of him on YouTube, if you're interested.

"reconnoiter."

It's a silly-sounding made-up word with a slightly naughty meaning.

Make fun of me and I'll cram your body in the ample storage space provided me by the minivan, drive you to the desert (getting modest gas mileage and in comfort), and leave your body to be discovered by coyotes.

What's that, you're a little snacky? Boom, I've got three granola bars in my cargo shorts and a box in the minivan.

And that therefore they had to use prison inmates for filming.

I couldn't understand why anyone would hang out with Moe.

I won't watch the 3 Stooges to this day.

when I was a little guy I used to think all the musicians on the radio were coming in to perform live at the radio station. Didn't know about deejay's spinning records. WKRP in Cincinnati came a short while later.

and the world had no color. Color wasn't in tv or movies so how could it exist.

I think taterguy secretly likes arugula.

You're so innocent.

I walk around the house singing the theme song to Maude!

No such luck!

"KEEPIN YER HEAD ABOVE WA-TERRRRRRRRRRRRRR...."

I'm very much in the minority on this, I think.

sometimes a little schmaltz doesn't feel too bad.

to see what was there, but I never could.

I was being "ironic" about it but I loved reading them and loved the covers.

Turns out that Ms. Fitzgerald has a number of titles, in fact.

maybe I should read it. Yeah, I'm a nurse. Guessing you are, too. BTW you should watch the old Barbara Stanwyk movie "Night Nurse" from 1933. It's a hoot! Clark Gable is the evil "Nick the chauffeur"

I thought Generals were "good guys." I was in kindergarten.

tighten it and left would loosen it. I just randomly tried both ways and never caught on that there was a pattern.

and not political leanings, presumably!

"Lefty loosey, righty tighty"

I'm constantly working on faucets and he noticed that I was always trying to figure them out.

And I kinda like it

... just to watch him die.

At age 18, the very first time I voted in a presidential election, I voted for Ross Perrot. Very embarrassed!

At least we are a little smarter now than then!

When I was little and heard about football teams playing in things like sugar bowls and cotton bowls, it blew my mind!

the bird noises at the cross walk were coming from real birds that built their nests in the lights.

I have never had extended family over to my house because it is a hovel. I have had the same banister hanging from the wall for 12 years. I have plain bulbs in fixtures and have burnt bulbs out all over the place. My furnace has not had a filter in it, EVER. Don't know where it goes. My hands don't work, it's as if they are not connected to my brain at all.

Home owner should be homeowner, thanks google. I don't know how you tell. I have an advanced degree but compound words and diagramming sentences complete baffle me.

...I was encouraging people to come out and if they needed support to call the GLBT office number...I was so nervous, I gave out the only number I could remember...my home number! Thankfully, the army of anti-LGBT twits protesting didn't have paper and pencils or good memories!

Not my most embarrassing moment, but I was driving with a friend through Georgia and we passed a cotton field, and he asked "What is that white, snow-looking stuff?" I told him it was cotton. He looked puzzled and said, "I thought cotton grew on trees!" I almost crashed the car!

Ugh! It was during a campaign stop of his in 1968.

I was just a kid, but still...

I also always back into parking spaces so I can make a fast getaway if needs be.

That was many years ago - I'm a Grandpa myself these days. But my wife and I moved to The Netherlands many years ago. When i was at work, many people ate their sandwich with a knife and fork. So did I. I still find it quite neat.

Have been doing it ever since my Italian trips in 1998. I just enjoy my pizza more.

I'd read it in print many times, but I'd never actually heard it said.

My dear friends mocked me brutally, of course.

Always got a chuckle out of that.

He was talking about national parks, and several times he mentioned "Yoze-might."

How anyone could grow up watching Bugs Bunny and not know Yosemite is beyond me!

So me and a buddy took a bus to the health department so I could get tested.

Turns out my syphilis sore was an ingrown hair.

The embarrassing part? I had not yet had sex.

I was in 4th or 5th grade, and deeply impressed with his foreign policy toward China. (I was such a nerd.)

Received a thank you form letter signed by Ron Ziegler, along with a booklet about the history of the White House.

My parents were very proud, until about a year later when he resigned in disgrace.

with us on a family vacation. He lived in his little plastic house between the van seats and love McDonald's French fries. He lived until the old age of 2 and a half years old. 1-humans, 0- cats, but the cats did give a solid effort.

The first thought to cross my mind was, "This crazy place doesn't have urinals." Then I noticed a purse on the sink. Uh-oh. I got out of there in a hurry without being noticed.

It was in an independent testing facility a few blocks from my office.

At the conclusion of the test--which I passed quite smartly, thanks--I opened the door to exit and quite smartly walked into the coat closet.

I get a lot of weird looks.

I am a fat fifty year old white lady.
Driving down the road singing "you don't wanna fuck with Shady...."

If you peed yourself tryin', okay, then I get it!! haha!!

I no longer dance to it but I put it on when I have to clean the house. The beat keeps me going.

Couldn't you just go to 80s or later dance music? haha I used to love to dance to New Order when I was a kid.

I’ve even convinced friends and family to start doing it. There’s a lot more “art thief and part-time assassin” out there than there used to be.

It was seventh grade and we were coming back from a “Science Olympiad” at Oak Ridge. We had stopped for lunch at Taco Bell and my best friend, who’s still my best friend BTW, and I were riding in the car with our science teacher and another teacher. We were driving back to Nashville in a stretch of I-40 that was pretty sparse on gas stations at that time and my buddy elbows me and says “Bro, I’ve really got to poop!!” We inform the teacher and she got us to the nearest exit which was like ten miles up the road. All of a sudden, my nostrils were filled with the most acrid feculent smell and I knew my buddy had pooped his pants. So at this point, I was close to a similar situation. We stop at an Exxon and run inside. There was a stall and a urinal. My friend took the stall to clean up and I had to wait...until I couldn’t anymore. I was forced to unload on a urinal, which don’t handle poop the best, in case anyone was wondering. As soon as I finished, the store clerk walks in, looks at the travesty and his face went white with a look of “FML”. That Exxon is still there!

I was showing a slide of an inspiring photo of many nations flags lined up and wanted to describe it. So I said ‘here you can see all the participating nations fags lined up in a row’.

The most embarrassing moment of my professional career. Most of my employees sat in stunned silence. Thankful, my gay employees fell out of their chairs laughing at me because that was not a word I ever use. I apologized and said ‘of course I meant to say flags’.

Been 14 years and it still embarrass me.

Ahead on the left was a bank with a giant sign that flashed the time and a few seconds later the temperature.My head somehow connected the green light I was waiting for with the flashing change at bank's time/temperature sign, because when the time changed to temperature, I took off....and the light was still red.

This was at a high school football game a few years ago. I was suddenly in need of a sit down session. I darted down the aluminum bleachers and into the large restroom, quickly occupying a stall. There were plenty of stalls and nobody else in the restroom.

I took my time and was rather pleased at the outcome until washing my hands and noticing there weren't any urinals. That's when panic struck. There were 15 feet between myself and the exit. And even that might not fully accomplish matters, if someone else was approaching the entrance, or outside the entrance when I left. I knew damn well I'd be pointed out and perhaps followed/questioned.

Fortunately nothing happened. I got out of there and turned left with no one in sight. I made it back to my seat. To this day I have no idea how I managed at least 5-7 minutes with nobody else entering or approaching that women's room because in at least a dozen subsequent visits to that high school stadium I've sat in mostly the same place and witnessed a steady stream to and from that women's room.

but then i always have really good 3d sense otherwise. hell, when i paint i ignore space & damned if it doesn't show up.

i am NOT embarassed i have never been drunk. maybe a tipsy child. oooh. pink squirrel.

Its my favorite music to lift weights by.

Please don't try to convince to stop liking Nickelback as so many have. I won't get mad or nothing, but I just want to like what I like. You can like what you like and I promise I won't try to convince you that you shouldn't like what you like.

at the Sears tower in Chicago and blamed it on a little kid that was next to me. *sigh*

Just kidding.

Very very embarrassing. Of course this also means I was an apprentice viewer. Stopped watching when he went Birther.