My friend gives voice lessons to my son. I usually hang out in their living room for an hour until he's done. They have other students on Sat. mornings, and I heard a knock on their door, so I went to answer it. It was Jehovah's Witness. Said they were so glad I was home and could they come in and share the word with me. I said "This isn't my house. I'm just here for lessons." The look on the lady's face was priceless. They actually shut the door on me.

In my neighborhood, they don't come around to our house much. I think it has to do with our 80lb german shepherd who helps answer the door.

I am laughing so hard my sides are hurting and I am coughing.

He had JWs come to his door. He told them he would gladly take part in their religious beliefs if they took part in his. This was followed up with an invitation to a goat sacrificing ceremony on Tuesday. I don't know how he kept a straight face.

(No goats were harmed.)

The last time they knocked on the door I spoke with them briefly enough for me to tell them I'm Catholic, and they got this very strange look on their faces that conveyed how truly sorry they were that I was clearly beyond any Salvation already...and they've never come back.

Damn Quitters.

If ANYONE of ANY faith asks after my soul, I reply that I am a Reformed Druid. If asked what that means (which happens too rarely), I say that we still dance around the sacred oak but don't worry about finding a virgin.

She was tearing out a bunch of bushes when they came by. Told them she didn't have time to talk so they helped her with the bushes. When they were done, she told them she wasn't interested.

This was decades ago and I was running the farm by myself. I had 22 stalls to muck out and had been working at it for over an hour in Florida summer heat and humidity.

The JWS people stopped by, two men in suits and a woman in dress, hose, and heels. For some reason they didn't stick around as I shoveled shit out of the stalls into the politician's wagon. Maybe it was the dust or the smell?

Last edited Sat May 9, 2020, 03:41 PM - Edit history (4)

The last words of a skirt chaser in a comedy sketch while being hauled off camera by a very large, very irate boyfriend!


rocktivity

I answered the door with a 12" chef's knife, which I swung around as they spoke. They left quickly. They came another time and I told them I was Jewish; again, fast exit.

these days I would do the same to most sects of christianity.... they are racist bigoted hypocrites.

Technically they're not a sect of Christianity.

I was in my garage once (set up as a mini butcher facility) and was grinding sausage. They popped their head in the door and asked me if I had time to talk about God.

Bloody aproned me asked them "Do I look like a man with time to talk about God?"


They left. 😀

they do not believe in the triune god, father, son, holy spirit. Yet they do present themselves as christians. I've been dealing with all religions being FALSE for a long time. NONE, in the end, have love for anyone but the $$ and male dominated, racist, bigoted 'truth' as explained by the usually male preacher. Religion in this country is, by and large about money, control and white male dominance and that is all

They go away.

And if I'm approached on the street by any religious con artist, I always say: 'I'm a philatelist. Let me tell you about the abomination of self sticking stamps.' They go away.

I'll answer the door in my boxers, newspaper in hand and scratching myself in various places. That usually does the trick.

I will waste their time and give them every objection in the book for their wacko beliefs before I inform them that I worship the dark lord (I don't...I don't 'worship' anything)...but I don't know if I can top the goat sacrifice above (several replies up)...THAT is good stuff!

First step "I have a couple of questions"

1) "You do realize that there is no such word "Jehovah" in the Hebrew Scriptures?

(it is a mistransliteration of the word "Yahweh" which when written in German appears as Jehovah but is pronounced Yahweh which is credited to the German Wilhelm Gesenius)

Most of them are unaware that the name of their Church entombs a mistake but usually a leader comes in and concedes that it actually should be pronounced "Yahweh".

2) "You do realize that the word "Yahweh" does not appear in the Hebrew scriptures?'

This causes more consternation as I explain that it is a four consonant tetragrammaton is without vowels and the vowels are an educated guess.

3) Since the founders of your sect couldn't get the name of their sect right what other errors did they make?

4) You do realize that you are on private property and you need to get permission from the apartment manager before going door to door?

At this point they say they didn't know and are going to leave.

I give them 10 minutes as they circle around to another part of the complex at which point I come up to them and start talking directly to their teen aged children. "You know that when you came here your group told you that you didn't have permission so you would have to try and stay away from the manager's office right? Your mother just told me that she was unaware and was going to leave but she lied and came to the other party right? What do you think about a religion that teaches people to lie? What do you think about people that lie in front of their children? Do you think God likes people who lie?"

By this time they are running to their cars. If they come again I am going to park my car in front of theirs and wait for the manager to call the police for trespassing.

were Catholic. They had the house blessed, and had a plaque placed on the front door. We have replaced the door, but we put the plaque back up. We figure the blessing is still good.

Most of the Jehovah's Witnesses see it and leave. If they do knock, we tell them we are Catholic and they go away. We are not Catholic, but it works. We have a black Lab as well. She is friendly, but her bark is deep and she is large.

I have acquaintances who are Jehovah's Witnesses, and family members. We try to avoid any religious talk.

When I was in high school, they hit the teenagers at my school. They provided a lot of recreational activities for the kids. There were several conversions.

He would invite them in and ask them to have a seat in the living room.

"You must be thirsty! Let me get refreshments!"

And then he'd serve beer and cigars.

That one spewed coffee out my nose! Thanks!

Whenever she visited, she left a copy of "The Watchtower" around, hoping I would read it.

Sometimes I did.

They were kind of dull, poorly produced, boring really, nonsensical.

I'd spend a thousand hours reading them though, if I could just spend another hour with her. She was the kindest, most caring, and wonderful person, and I loved her very much. She pretty much saved my life on the worst day I ever lived, just by being there.

We lost her to cancer, 15 years ago.

I miss her terribly.

you were lucky to have her in your life.

...he told me, "Oh, I got something that will fix it". Gave me a copy of the Book of Mormon and said "every time they show up, offer this book up to them".

I did exactly that the next time. They never came back.

Can work both ways.

I just play it straight & honest, "I'm an atheist. Tell your associates."
Never again bothered.

I have a lot of Amway stuff to show them.

I would also consider religious zealots! They use their attendance at church to network and recruit new sales staff of customers, as ANY resourceful self-employed person will, actually.

Every 10 or 15 years an old rumor resurfaces that the founders of the Procter & Gamble company are devil worshipers or some such and that the P&G logo is dedicated to their founders' worship of stars or moons or whatever - I've always believed that AMWAY distributors start this rumor in the hopes of siphoning off sales for AMWAY...

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Then we were Quakers.

In school I ignored the flag salute.

I can't muster up any hostility toward them, they are mostly harmless in comparison to white Republican evangelicals, right wing Catholics, and misogynistic Ayn Randian atheists.