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Related: Culture Forums, Support ForumsSigns of bad relationships - I qualify!1
Last edited Fri Jun 22, 2018, 09:23 AM - Edit history (1)
There's that thing about "doing the same thing with same results". And the thing about looking-for/attracting bad relationships. And the thing about "7 Habits of Whatever". So I've got a couple (or 3?) family relationships that fit the bill (70+ years' worth). And a "friendship" (or more) of 30 years where I detach for 10 yrs or so then "make up" (with same results) .
After the most recent raprochement (3 days ago), full of (her) vitriol/viciousness/falsehoods/etc., I compiled this list (for a book? Been done) about the characteristics (composite of multiple persons) that apparently attract me:
* Negativity
* Critical
* Paranoid
* Judgmental
* Isolating/controlling
* Cruel/cold
* Narrow-minded
* Rigid
* Uncurious/Unimaginative/Uncreative
* Racist/snobbish
* Devious
* Cynical
Any traits to add on? Book's been done, I say.
*****ON EDIT, adding:
*Toxic
* Withholding
no_hypocrisy
(46,331 posts)no_hypocrisy
(46,331 posts)And thanks for the hugs.
I don't miss him.
UTUSN
(70,810 posts)no_hypocrisy
(46,331 posts)Withholding love, support, friendship, guidance, money.
kimbutgar
(21,290 posts)We can learn from our mistakes and move forward. Fogging yourself only beats you down.
UTUSN
(70,810 posts)lunatica
(53,410 posts)I was alone.
I also decided to write all my raging angry pain down in a journal that I would burn to symbolically burn the poison of the memories away. I gave myself six months. I wrote every single day and most of the time for hours at a time. I wrote of things I had carried with me from the time I was a child. And of my failed and miserable violent relationships. When the anger came back I wrote it again, and I cried and raged a lot doing it. I never re-read anything because it was all blackness of the soul and heart that I was getting rid of. There was nothing good in it to hold onto anymore.
It took me 2 years and many burnt journals to finally stop writing. It allowed me to make a life I wanted. It cured me of my own baggage. I found something good under all that foulness.
I really am my own best company and my best friend. But I had to dig to find me.
Maybe this doesnt even make sense. Ive been quite happily single since 1995 when I got divorced. Actually its been longer than that because I left my husband a few years before that.
I have no regrets at all.
UTUSN
(70,810 posts)lunatica
(53,410 posts)I really am good company!
Wounded Bear
(58,799 posts)UTUSN
(70,810 posts)Wounded Bear
(58,799 posts)My relationships were not violent, but after two marriages I kind of decided I wasn't very good at it.
I don't make friends easily, and I don't commit like I probably should. Frankly, I am too selfish for that.