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Related: Culture Forums, Support ForumsI have to find a way to work with an asshole for a boss for the next 1.5 years.
Last edited Sat Feb 8, 2014, 05:34 PM - Edit history (1)
The guy has made a good job intolerable and he's only been my boss for two weeks. I may have to just try to go elsewhere, but good local truck driving jobs are hard to come by in this town. I've never really been in a situation like this.
I graduate from school in a year and a half.
CaliforniaPeggy
(149,762 posts)I do not. I've worked for asshole bosses too, and it was awful.
I had to get out, and I did. It was painful.
How much I wish I could help you.
roody
(10,849 posts)of meditative state that has his ugliness bouncing off of you. My brother is in a similar situation. He will be vested in 11 months. Also document everything. Write it in an email to yourself so it is date stamped.
grahamhgreen
(15,741 posts)"Like water off a ducks back".
And remember you win when you don't engage at his level.
Google how to work with difficult people / managers, etc....
Benefits: Maintain self-control. Avoid escalation of problem.
How: The first rule in the face of an unreasonable person is to maintain your composure; the less reactive you are, the more you can use your better judgment to handle the situation.
When you feel angry or upset with someone, before you say something you might later regret, take a deep breath and count slowly to ten. In most circumstances, by the time you reach ten, you would have figured out a better way of communicating the issue, so that you can reduce, instead of escalate the problem. If you're still upset after counting to ten, take a time out if possible, and revisit the issue after you calm down.
2. "Fly Like an Eagle"
Benefits: More peace of mind. Reduce risk of friction.
How: Some people in our lives are simply not worth tussling with. Your time is valuable, so unless theres something important at stake, dont waste it by trying to change or convince a person whos negatively entrenched. As the saying goes: You cant fly like an eagle if you hang out with turkeys! Whether youre dealing with a difficult colleague or an annoying relative, be diplomatic and apply the tips from this article when you need to interact with them. The rest of the time, keep a healthy distance.
3. Shift from Being Reactive to Proactive
Benefits: Minimize misinterpretation & misunderstanding. Concentrate energy on problem-solving.
How: When you feel offended by someones words or deeds, come up with mulitiple ways of looking at the situation before reacting. For example, I may be tempted to think that my co-worker is ignoring my messages, or I can consider the possibility that shes been very busy. When we avoid personalizing other people's behaviors, we can perceive their expressions more objectively. People do what they do because of them more than because of us. Widening our perspective on the situation can reduce the possibility of misunderstanding.
Another way to reduce personalization is to try to put ourselves in the difficult individuals shoes, even for just a moment. For example, consider the person youre dealing with, and complete the sentence: It must not be easy .
My child is being so resistant. It must not be easy to deal with his school and social pressures
My boss is really demanding. It must not be easy to have such high expectations placed on her performance by management
My partner is so emotionally distant. It must not be easy to come from a family where people dont express affection
To be sure, empathetic statements do not excuse unacceptable behavior. The point is to remind yourself that people do what they do because of their own issues. As long as were being reasonable and considerate, difficult behaviors from others say a lot more about them than they do about us. By de-personalizing, we can view the situation more objectively, and come up with better ways of solving the problem.
4. Pick Your Battles
Benefits: Save time, energy and grief. Avoid unnecessary problems and complications.
How: Not all difficult individuals we face require direct confrontation about their behavior. There are two scenarios under which you might decide not to get involved. The first is when someone has temporary, situational power over you. For example, if youre on the phone with an unfriendly customer service representative, as soon as you hang up and call another agent, this representative will no longer have power over you.
Another situation where you might want to think twice about confrontation is when, by putting up with the difficult behavior, you derive a certain benefit. An example of this would be an annoying co-worker, for although you dislike her, shes really good at providing analysis for your team, so shes worth the patience. Its helpful to remember that most difficult people have positive qualities as well, especially if you know how to elicit them (see keys #5 and 6).
In both scenarios, you have the power to decide if a situation is serious enough to confront. Think twice, and fight the battles that are truly worth fighting.
5. Separate the Person From the Issue
Benefits: Establish yourself as a strong problem solver with excellent people skills. Win more rapport, cooperation and respect.
How: In every communication situation, there are two elements present: The relationship you have with this person, and the issue you are discussing. An effective communicator knows how to separate the person from the issue, and be soft on the person and firm on the issue. For example:
I want to talk about whats on your mind, but I cant do it when youre yelling. Lets either sit down and talk more quietly, or take a time out and come back this afternoon.
I appreciate you putting a lot of time into this project. At the same time, I see that three of the ten requirements are still incomplete. Lets talk about how to finish the job on schedule.
I really want you to come with us. Unfortunately, if youre going to be late like the last few times, well have to leave without you.
When were soft on the person, people are more open to what we have to say. When were firm on the issue, we show ourselves as strong problem solvers.
flying rabbit
(4,645 posts)I am familiar with this line of thought, but your post came as a timely refresher with some things I am going through. Reminds me of a team chief I had in the Army; "Be like a duck" was his motto.
elleng
(131,292 posts)What happened, management change? While not the best place for you to work for a long time, as I recall, sounds like a new person.