The DU Lounge
Related: Culture Forums, Support ForumsWhat do you call two crows on a branch?
Attempted murder.
ok...your turn....clever jokes welcome.
PoliticAverse
(26,366 posts)A running congregation.
sarge43
(28,946 posts)A quorum
pinboy3niner
(53,339 posts)A thesaurus.
Brother Buzz
(36,490 posts)A crash
raven mad
(4,940 posts)A sled dog team.
What do you call a group of politicians in the same place?
Lobbyists.
geardaddy
(24,931 posts)with with narcissistic tendencies?
An I-pod
Boom Sound 416
(4,185 posts)geardaddy
(24,931 posts)dixiegrrrrl
(60,010 posts)and says to the barman: Hello, Id like a beer.
The barman replies: Hello, youd like a beer?
Yes, replies the TCP packet, Id like a beer.
Paulie
(8,462 posts)I want to ack out a lung.
dixiegrrrrl
(60,010 posts)benld74
(9,911 posts)Thinking it may be a terrorist attack of some kind they call in Home Land Security. HLS can find nothing out of the ordinary upon completing the autopsies of the dead crows. HLS however, calls in a noted crow orinthologist. He inspects every single crow, and all he can find it different colored paint on the crows beaks and claws.
Massachusetts Highway Department contacts paint identification experts to identify the types of paint. The paint experts conclude the paint comes from trucks and only trucks.
Upon hearing this bit of information, the orinthologist concludes the following:
Since crows are very smart animals, they usually post sentries as lookouts when they are feeding. When sentry crows sense approaching danger they alert the flock, CAW, CAW, CAW.
Apparently crows do not know the word for an approaching truck.
Rimshot.
Love it!
Rowdyboy
(22,057 posts)The Mississippi State legislature!
(courtesy of SNL)
dixiegrrrrl
(60,010 posts)Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen.
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The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.
(If you lived with Mr. Dixie, you would know this is true..... )
Boom Sound 416
(4,185 posts)Jenoch
(7,720 posts)A whine cellar.
Boom Sound 416
(4,185 posts)Rochester
(838 posts)144 Republicans.
dixiegrrrrl
(60,010 posts)What do you call 24 skydiving Republicans?
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Skeet
Lost_Count
(555 posts)edbermac
(15,950 posts)Mississippi.
dixiegrrrrl
(60,010 posts)A HERETIC I AM
(24,381 posts)Walk him and pitch to the Rhino
Tuesday Afternoon
(56,912 posts)Love a baseball joke, I do.
pinboy3niner
(53,339 posts)An oldie but a goodie...
Sol thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno. But let's make a deal -- if I die first, I'll come back and tell you if there's baseball in Heaven, and if you die first, you do the same."
They shake on it and sadly, a few months later, poor Abe passes on. Soon afterward, Sol sits in the park feeding the pigeons by himself and hears a voice whisper, "Sol... Sol... ."
Sol responds, "Abe! Is that you?"
"Yes it is, Sol," whispers Abe's ghost.
Sol, still amazed, asks, "So, is there baseball in Heaven?"
"Well," says Abe, "I've got good news and bad news."
"Gimme the good news first," says Sol.
Abe says, "Well, there IS baseball in Heaven."
Sol says, "That's great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that?"
Abe sighs and whispers, "You're pitching on Friday."
http://www.jokes.com/funny-dark-humor/daqlkv/baseball-in-heaven
Tuesday Afternoon
(56,912 posts)what we need is a joke that combines bacon and baseball.
cos ... you know ...
bacon
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makes everything better.
Response to dixiegrrrrl (Original post)
applegrove This message was self-deleted by its author.
B Calm
(28,762 posts)MrMickeysMom
(20,453 posts)Why cant you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
dixiegrrrrl
(60,010 posts)I like it...it has just the right amount of ...*groan*
can hardly wait for Mr. Dixie to pour his coffee....hee hee.
rurallib
(62,477 posts)Government surveyors came to Ole's farm in the fall and asked if they could do some surveying.
Ole agreed, and Lena even served them a nice meal at noon time.
The next spring, the two surveyors stopped by and told Ole, "Because you were so kind to us, we wanted to give you this bad news in person instead of by letter."
Ole replied, "What's the bad news?"
The surveyors stated, "Well, after our work here,
we discovered your farm is not in Minnesota but is actually in Iowa!"
Ole looked at Lena and said,
"That's the best news I have heard in a long time.
I just told Lena this morning that I don't think I can take another winter in Minnesota."
dixiegrrrrl
(60,010 posts)I have to laugh, because Ihave friend in Iowa and at one point a few weeks ago her temperatures were warmer than mine!!!