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alarimer

(16,245 posts) Tue Jun 23, 2015, 09:20 AM Jun 2015

I feel guilty

My boyfriend is going to his daughter's 30th birthday party in Michigan in a couple of weeks. He decided he would rather drive than fly because he waited too long to buy plane tickets and also because he wants to have a car there. He could afford to rent one, but that's not the point.

He wants to leave on Friday and return on Sunday. Mind you, it's easily a 12 hour drive from the DC area each way. So that's 24 hours minimum in the car for what is basically as 48 hour trip. To mean it sounds insane, but he can do it if he wants to.

The problem is he asked me to go with him and I do not want to go, for the above reasons. I have been in my new job for 2 months and am not eligible to use my annual leave yet (not that I have much at this point), so I can't really take much time off.

So I feel guilty for not wanting to go. He asked me to go because, when his kids get together, they are a unit unto themselves and pretty much ignore everyone else, including their father. So he wants me for company. I get it, I truly do. Personally, if I were him, I would skip it altogether, knowing I was going to be treated like a third wheel, but he feels he must go so I am not going to argue with that.

16 replies

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Highlight:

I feel guilty (Original Post) alarimer Jun 2015 OP

He should go. You should not. bigwillq Jun 2015 #1

Today is "Let it Go" day! femmocrat Jun 2015 #2

Good idea alarimer Jun 2015 #5

You wrote "I don't want to go"... JustABozoOnThisBus Jun 2015 #3

I wouldn't feel the least bit guilty... Phentex Jun 2015 #4

7 hours is my limit I think for long weekends. alarimer Jun 2015 #6

I think mine is about 6... Phentex Jun 2015 #7

No way would I go nor would I feel guilty. That timeframe is crazy nt riderinthestorm Jun 2015 #8

I've always had a hard time saying no without feeling guilty. alarimer Jun 2015 #9

I told him I decided not to go. alarimer Jun 2015 #10

Good for you. Life is short. roody Jun 2015 #12

So misunderstood seveneyes Jun 2015 #11

Sounds like you couldn't go even IF you wanted to, because of the annual leave business. But raccoon Jun 2015 #13

no reason for you to feel guilty magical thyme Jun 2015 #14

I don't even think HE should go. He only has so much time. What if the car breaks down,? BlueJazz Jun 2015 #15

guilt is such a wasted emotion handmade34 Jun 2015 #16

bigwillq

(72,790 posts)

1. He should go. You should not.

Reply to alarimer (Original post)

Tue Jun 23, 2015, 09:35 AM

Jun 2015

And no reason to feel guilty.

femmocrat

(28,394 posts)

2. Today is "Let it Go" day!

Reply to alarimer (Original post)

Tue Jun 23, 2015, 09:43 AM

Jun 2015

So.... just let HIM go! http://www.democraticunderground.com/1018774210

I would send a gift and forget about it.

alarimer

(16,245 posts)

5. Good idea

Reply to femmocrat (Reply #2)

Tue Jun 23, 2015, 09:53 AM

Jun 2015

I have a lot of items for "Let it Go" day.

JustABozoOnThisBus

(23,387 posts)

3. You wrote "I don't want to go"...

Reply to alarimer (Original post)

Tue Jun 23, 2015, 09:50 AM

Jun 2015

... Twice.

So don't go.

But, if you feel you must, you can fly to MI on Saturday, he can pick you up at the airport. Drive back together Sunday. Sometimes, families are an unavoidable pain-in-the-butt.

Phentex

(16,334 posts)

4. I wouldn't feel the least bit guilty...

Reply to alarimer (Original post)

Tue Jun 23, 2015, 09:50 AM

Jun 2015

That is too damn long to be in a car for such a short period of time.

alarimer

(16,245 posts)

6. 7 hours is my limit I think for long weekends.

Reply to Phentex (Reply #4)

Tue Jun 23, 2015, 09:57 AM

Jun 2015

My parents are in SC and when I was in North Carolina, I drove to see them, which was about 8 hours in the car. Now, in Maryland, it is at least 5 hours further. So when I go there, I'll probably fly.

And if I don't go, he can take more time. The short time frame was to accommodate my lack of leave. But he doesn't have that problem.

Phentex

(16,334 posts)

7. I think mine is about 6...

Reply to alarimer (Reply #6)

Tue Jun 23, 2015, 09:59 AM

Jun 2015

and that's with stops. Still I get really stiff and my knees hurt.

riderinthestorm

(23,272 posts)

8. No way would I go nor would I feel guilty. That timeframe is crazy nt

Reply to alarimer (Original post)

Tue Jun 23, 2015, 10:25 AM

Jun 2015

alarimer

(16,245 posts)

9. I've always had a hard time saying no without feeling guilty.

Reply to riderinthestorm (Reply #8)

Tue Jun 23, 2015, 03:21 PM

Jun 2015

Sometimes I feel like I say no to things he wants to do all the time.

But I will suggest that the next time he wants to go there, we incorporate the visit into some kind of vacation or general trip. That way we take our time driving and the family visit is only a part of it.

alarimer

(16,245 posts)

10. I told him I decided not to go.

Reply to alarimer (Original post)

Tue Jun 23, 2015, 10:11 PM

Jun 2015

He got a little sarcastic with me. But, to be fair, he wasn't in the best of moods anyway because of work and not sleeping well lately, so I let it go.

roody

(10,849 posts)

12. Good for you. Life is short.

Reply to alarimer (Reply #10)

Thu Jun 25, 2015, 01:28 AM

Jun 2015

Spending it in a car is way too boring.

seveneyes

(4,631 posts)

11. So misunderstood

Reply to alarimer (Original post)

Tue Jun 23, 2015, 10:14 PM

Jun 2015

raccoon

(31,136 posts)

13. Sounds like you couldn't go even IF you wanted to, because of the annual leave business. But

Reply to alarimer (Original post)

Thu Jun 25, 2015, 08:36 AM

Jun 2015

anyway, you have no reason to feel guilty.

Is it possible he's laying a guilt trip on you?

magical thyme

(14,881 posts)

14. no reason for you to feel guilty

Reply to alarimer (Original post)

Thu Jun 25, 2015, 09:02 AM

Jun 2015

1. That's an insane schedule. 2. You just started a new job.

Nobody's forcing him to go there to be ignored; that's his choice.

BlueJazz

(25,348 posts)

15. I don't even think HE should go. He only has so much time. What if the car breaks down,?

Reply to alarimer (Original post)

Thu Jun 25, 2015, 09:20 AM

Jun 2015

On a regular long trip, you can spare an day or 2 to have it fixed. Not on this one. No room for errors plus driving 12 #$% hours each way for that short of a stay to be ignored? That's just plain weird.

handmade34

(22,759 posts)

16. guilt is such a wasted emotion

Reply to alarimer (Original post)

Thu Jun 25, 2015, 09:53 AM

Jun 2015

I would stay and work

....but then I am driving from Vermont to Florida(24 hour drive each way) next week for a 2 day visit with my father... only because of circumstances out of my control

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