It's not a fee to attend a party but a way to encourage your kids to think of others.

I see 2 issues, the lack of need for stuff, and the lack of money to host this as you'd like.

For the present, if you don't want stuff, ask for a donation of something to give to the food bank or something like that. It still encourages them to think about others. Is it possible to talk directly with some of the parents, maybe those of the cousins or close friends of yours, explaining where you'd like to host and see if any of them could help?

I hesitate to say the $5 is a gift, since it is not a gift put a payment to someone else to have the party at the facility.

Family party can be done more inexpensively, no need for goodie bags, just a get together to celebrate having your son be born and in the world.

I agree with you about the gift being an act of altruism. I also think about how people like to be thoughtful with gifts, which is why I feel so hesitant about my thoughts to ask guests to forego gifts, but to contribute to the party as a gift. I really appreciate your suggestion to ask some that I am close with to contribute as their gift.

happy birthday to him and happy birth day to you. I struggled with a similar issue when mine was young. Good luck.

but I'd think about how I'd explain it to my kid, not bringing a 'regular' gift. There's probably a teaching opportunity there.

Sounds like a good compromise, 2 parties! Have fun!

My grandson's 2d is coming up soon, and they're planning a 'regular' party 'at home,' the farm, the weekend following the actual date, so I'm planning to bring my gifts on THE day (remembering being at the hospital the day he was born,) AND going to the 'party' to play and take pics!

My son's birthday has kind of been taken over as an adult party for family and friends. He is our only child and his birthday is in July - perfect time for an outdoor party. My husband likes to bbq/smoke meats all night and have his brothers/buddies/family over for a big shin-dig. I love it, but I also want to grant my son's request for a friend party.

That should cover it.

Have fun. They grow up too quick.

A simple family gathering, no goodie bags, simple food (hot dogs, or hamburgers) and a cake. It's about the people coming together to enjoy the special day and be together. It's a whole different kind of affair.

A separate - for the growing up - kid party with their peers. It's more a social event and requires some more thought, and more expense if you're going to do it at a popular kids entertainment area. Which you don't have to, but that's a personal choice.

It's not unheard of to mention that there's a fee expected for admission. If you want no gifts you could say their gift is their attendance, perhaps?

I so wish this could be a simple affair, but it has turned into our annual party. We live in a mobile home, but have an awesome back yard, a barn for plenty of room for an outdoor party in the summer and lots of family and friends. It's almost a reunion of sorts for my husband's side.

I love events like that! Nothing is as much fun to me as getting family together in a situation where they're all having fun!

How does your son feel about it, though? You just need to be clear that you can't make it a grand social event for his peers at an event center, and the whole family at the same time. Compromise is an important lesson.

If the family wants to congregate at his parties if they evolve to become something else, just be honest and mention how his tastes are maturing, and if it's going to carry on as before you need some support from them to make it work. They're your family, there's not a thing wrong with being honest with them.

Having friends not gifts. And my kids too had too much. We kept presents simple. Gift from mom, dad, brother. Money gift from two grandparents.

I walked into one kid party that had that big a family and at least 20 kids. The amount of gifts were offensive and that was when I said no more.

Bdays were special and fun. The kids didn't lose out not getting tons of gifts.

with buying gifts for his friends this year. They are growing out of "toys" and with the exception of gift cards or cash, I have no idea what they like or will appreciate. I've started offering my own nieces and nephews a "day of fun" rather than a gift. i would rather create fun memories than buy something that might be discarded or broken.

But do you have to invite all the cousins since you're having them to the family party?

Anyway, have fun!

and donate a bit to a fun party with the kiddos. I do have to invite the cousins. A handful are also his peers/bffs at school and once I start inviting them, I couldn't leave any others out and allow their feelings to be hurt. I think I've found a workable solution to have it at the park. Thank you for your comment.

Both kids and parents often feel weird about going to a birthday without bringing a gift and asking them to pay does seem awkward. So, why not offer this idea--and you might want to call the parents and actually explain it/tell them as well as explaining in the invite, as these suggestions are often misunderstood, and you will need to coordinate...

You pay for the YMCA--so no asking for money. But the rest of the party--the favors, the decorations, the games, the treats...THOSE are the presents. "No toys!" You say, but the "Makings of the party" will be the gifts. Maybe even ask that the kids attending be involved in either making them or suggesting them--what they think your son would like for his birthday party?

So a kid might bring party favors, another might bring ice cream and homemade chocolate sauce, another a game to play? And you could go as far as asking for a potluck here so you didn't need to pay for food at all. That gets the kids to be (1) Creative, (2) Lets them give a present to your son for his birthday, and (3) Generates ideas for the party--like games, favors, treats.

Kills three birds with one stone (1) No asking for money, (2) you will have to corrdinate, but not make food/decorations/gift bags, (3) Son gets meaningful presents, and attendees feel like they're giving meaningful presents...essentially, the birthday party itself.

Then you make sure the family party at home is low-key--maybe suggest to your husband a picnic in the park? So that is low-to-no cost? Just throwing out ideas here.

You pay for the venue and admission cost, and you make no mention of gifts. Help your son write thank you notes when he does inevitably get gifts. If you can't afford the $5 per head, have it at home.

Don't "invite" people to pay for the party you're throwing.

etc. In fact, it's awesome! Perhaps he can help decide between a couple of options:

A party in a public park with a huge bunch of his school friends, including the cousins. You provide the cake, some general decorations, bowls of snacks and juices & water. You and the family create a couple fun games, and keep it simple -- a simple scavenger hunt is really fun, and there are plenty online to take ideas from. A pinata is always fun!


The idea is that he gets to have a big crowd at a nominal cost. It doesn't have to be mega stellar, but it's every bit as fun for these kids. Stake out a place near a playground, bring a soccer ball, softball, or volleyball net. LOTS of water balloons and water pistols, they'll have an absolute blast! Have some beverages and snacks on hand for any adults who want to stick around too. Our school had a policy that if a kid was having a birthday party, they had to invite the whole class of 25. That way no one was left out and there was no chance of kids being mean about it or feeling left out. Honestly, it kept the parties throughout the year down to a minimum, but the ones that were thrown were incredibly awesome, because we have UHNW people at the kid's school. Legendary in fact. But, since we weren't incredibly well off, I would throw the party in the park thing. The kids loved it every bit as much as the ones renting a skate rink, or laser tag or whatever. Kids don't care, so long as it's an excuse to cut loose with their buddies outside of school.

2nd option for him to choose is a much smaller party at a cool place, say, no more than 5 kids, and sadly not the cousins, just school mates. It should cost about the same as having the huge bunch, as above.

Don't worry about the gifts, let him GET the gifts! You've gone to enough parties and bought enough presents for those other kids that reciprocation is nice.

I wouldn't go the 5 bucks route, I wouldn't ask for no gifts. Frankly, on a budget, I would choose to host the whole pack of screaming kids for 2.5 hours in a park. You can make a sheet cake at home for 10 bucks, budget 30 bucks for snacks and drinks, another 5 bucks for paper decorations and balloons at a dollar store.

Temporary tattoos are awesome for the gift bags, with a couple pieces of candy, they shouldn't cost more than 10 bucks for everything including the gift bags, max.

Water balloons are cheap, maybe 3 bucks and a bucket. One game can be the water balloon toss. That will be a HUGE hit, the kids being able to lob water balloons at each other!

You can do both on a budget, the dollar store really is your best friend. The kids don't care so long as they get to hang out with their buddies.

I think we will go with the park route. We have a lovely State park in a central location and I talked to them today about having his party there. There is a modest rental fee for the pavilion, but we also have a fire pit for smores, a playground, an awesome area to set up an obstacle course and hiking trails for a scavenger hunt.

I also agree with not leaving anyone out. We are inviting his entire baseball team, probably his cub scout pack, his cousins, and inviting others that have invited him to birthdays. Sadly, I cannot invite his entire class with it being summer break and not having contact information for all of them.

boys being boys, they'll be the hit of the party.

Do the party directly between lunch and dinner so you don't have to feed them an entire meal. 2:30 to 4:30 is perfect.

I'm not sure I'd do s'mores, that would be a real challenge with so many potential guests, and going back to the 'boys will be boys' thing. You'd have to have serious supervision and they'll put each other's eye out with the sticks on fire. AND you'd have to make the fire. Major PITA. But if you do it, have it as an option, not as an event, meaning, like a 'S'Mores Station'. If a kid wants one, they can come and ask and an adult will help. You could do it as a 'selling' booth, trading hugs for a s'more, or something goofy.


You're going to have a lot of people there to look after and events to organize, so keep it simple. If you've got lots of adult help, and I mean lots, then go for it, but organize it with specific tasks assigned.

Salsa is super cheap to make the day before and goes perfect with heaps tortilla chips. No one wants to clean up a million plates, so all food and snacks should be managed with one hand. Kids circle around, grab a handful of snacks and food and run back off to play with their buddies. No one wants to sit down!

Little sandwiches are great. Using loaf bread, cut them in triangles (4 pieces) and stack them up. PB & J, ham and cheese, whatever. Can be made days or weeks before, stacked, organized, wrapped in plastic and frozen, just throw them in the car and they'll be thawed by the time you get to the park.

If you're making small appetizers, figure 6 pieces per kid, 11 per adult. My favorite is cream cheese in a nice little blob on a cracker, a small curl of smoked salmon, and everyone is mysteriously thrilled to pieces. Dunno why. Cost for about 30 pieces of appetizer is like 7 bucks. (slide the salmon out of the plastic on its backing. Starting at one end, make slices width wise, about a half inch wide. Pull off a bit about an inch or so long to curl on the cream cheese. Instant snack.) Can be done in place in about 10 minutes. Slice the salmon at home and leave it on the tray, back in its plastic, and assemble while waiting for the hoards to descend.

If you can opt for juice boxes and water bottles instead of bottles and cups of beverage, your clean up crew will thank you. Most cups get left half full and you have to sort, pick them up, stack them, empty them, etc. Juice boxes just get tossed. Rolls of paper towels instead of fiddly napkins that will blow away everywhere. The kids won't care. And the same with gift bags. Just a few pieces of wrapped candies in the bags and the kids are thrilled. No chocolate, it melts.

Remember, your cake can be made many weeks ahead and frozen until the day of, if you've got freezer space. No need to make that last minute trip to the bakery or decorating it up until the minute you leave. Make it ahead, freeze it, throw it in the car and go.

A huge plate of brownies is a perfect snack. Again, make ahead, cut, freeze, organized on the plate, wrapped in plastic, bam. I cut them in little triangles or inch squares too.

BTW, a giant roll of plastic wrap is your very best friend. For wrapping large trays of food, use a long table or counter space. Lay the plastic down first and put your bowl/tray in the middle, then pull the plastic up and over to seal. Makes it much easier to undo and will totally stay on forever.

OMG sorry, I got carried away, lol! I love making kids parties, so those are my favorite tips... I hope it helps, have a BLAST and just enjoy. This will be the party he always remembers!

Great points about the smores!! I know I will have my mom and at least 2 other moms to help but foregoing the smores does sound like a good idea. We're pretty country/rural so I'm thinking just hot dogs, watermelon and chips. I'll get some drink pouches but this group is also pretty conditioned to bring water bottles (baseball and cub scouts), so I'm thinking of suggesting that too and having a water bottle refill station.

'The only 'present' we expect from you is the gift of your presence at OhioBlueBoy's party! Please don't feel obligated to bring a gift!'

Something along those lines.... 'cause yeah, kids don't need more useless crap, do they?

Cheers!

has too much "stuff". We really need to downsize his collection of toys rather than add to it.

if we received such a request. You've already been given very good advice in other threads but I will add that it IS the party and guests that matter, not the gifts.

If you cannot afford to do a friend party away from home, don't do it.

We did "no gifts" for many years when my kids were young because I discovered right away that family alone went overboard with the gifts. At first, it was a little odd for people to understand but after I explained that the kids got so much already, it became very normal. I never asked for toy donations either because sometimes that's off putting to people who want to make their own donations. The point of the party was to come and have fun and eat cake and play games, etc.

Now, the bounce house, in my opinion, was worth every dime and we did those out in the yard. It could be enjoyed by young and old as well as other neighbor kids who weren't party guests. I really like the idea of a cookout (with inexpensive ideas others have posted) and a bounce house outside.

Have fun! They grow up so fast!

invite a SMALL group of his friends to the bouncy place.
Keep it around 5-10 kids.

It's BEYOND tacky to ask party-goers to pay their way.

And limit the number of friends to something practical for your budget.

I would NOT suggest the kids pay their own admission.

Last edited Thu Jul 7, 2016, 06:33 PM - Edit history (1)

which is basically a covered municipal pool with other facilities. The birthday family paid for a group of tables and the lifeguards and whatnot. All the guests paid their own nominal guest fee to get into the pool (IIRC, it was like $3.00 per person, and only for those that were actually swimming). A huge number of people were there, and all of the families had a blast for hours. The family was very upfront about it, and everyone loved the concept. They paid a little to use the pool, but at the same time got cake, beverages and snacks and got to see scores of their school friends during summer vacation.

them to pay for their admission in lieu of a gift. Perhaps you pay for the admission and ask that in lieu of a gift the child make a donation to the YMCA.

time to offer your thoughts. As a practical matter, I do think a donation to a party in lieu of gifts is a good idea. It seems to combat the consumerism/materialism of the abundance of gifts that kids get, while also making a contribution to a fun childhood memory. However, I did "hear" what many of you were saying about it being tacky. I felt that in my gut and that's why I asked for feedback and some outside perspective from people that I knew would be honest. You probably saved me and my kid some embarrassment and for that I am grateful.

I had four of them, were at home. My daughter's birthday is in October, so we did pumpkin painting, try doing scavenger hunts, etc. There's no reason to compete or 'keep up with the Joneses.' None of mine ever complained about not having a fancy party. If you're not an arts and craftsy type of person, there are lots of inexpensive games for parties you can get on line. Honestly, kids appreciate the time you spend with them more than anything else. You can have two parties at home on separate days; one for the family and one for friends.

Maybe I'm older and old fashioned. Kids, when they're young, just like being with each other and doing fun things. I would not ask the parents of the kids to pay admission to a venue.