The Gift of Being Gay and a Dad

I’m in my mid-40s. Growing up, there was no such thing as gay parenting. I had a vague notion, I think, probably from television or a movie, that some kids’ fathers or mothers could end up running off with someone of the same sex. So, technically, they were a parent and they were gay – but it was a roundabout, devastating way to do it, kind of like demolishing a building by using a hurricane. It gets the job done but you wouldn’t want to see it.

When I finally accepted in my 20s that I was gay and that in order to live a life true to myself I had to come out, I knew there were “risks.” When my mother let loose a stream of consciousness list of fears that the world would visit on me for being openly gay – including never finding happiness, or being bashed coming out of a bar with my lover – the one she settled on was “…and you always wanted to be a father.”

It was the thing that broke my heart: the feeling that by coming out, I was giving up the one thing I had always wanted since I was a kid – more than any profession or any pursuit – being a dad.

I didn’t have a choice, of course. Most gay men of my generation came out when we simply could not stand the lying or daily self-denial any longer. Still, I mourned for myself and for the children I would never have.

http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/06/17/the-gift-of-being-gay-and-a-dad/