How the Fight for Marriage Rights Is Strengthening My Relationship

It was just another Tuesday morning at work when I got an uncharacteristically large number of text messages from my boyfriend. At 10:05 a.m.: “OMG…Prop 8” followed by “Has been shut down!!!” with a bunch of excited smiley faces and hearts.

I’m sure that level of enthusiasm was the general consensus among thousands of gay and lesbian men and women across the country on February 7, 2012. The fight for marriage equality in California took a giant leap forward. In a 2-1 decision, the U.S. 9th Circuit Court of Appeals found Proposition 8 unconstitutional, putting to rest a trial that has gone on for months.

I have been with my partner (or boyfriend, if you will) for more than five years. We started dating in 2006, before same-sex marriage was a legal possibility in California. It was just not something we allowed ourselves to ponder. Next thing we knew, Prop 8 had made its way onto the 2008 ballot, threatening a state constitutional amendment to prevent same-sex marriage. And it has been an emotional roller coaster ever since.

For months leading up to the election, I worked on the No on Prop 8 campaign. When the measure passed, it was one of the most difficult weeks of my life. Jesse drove to my house late at night because he wanted to be there for me, knowing I needed the consolation. “I worked so hard for this, it meant so much to me, and we lost,” was the first thing I remember saying, with tears in my eyes. He was someone I could break down to.

The passing of Prop 8 in 2008, and the subsequent legal proceedings, have exhausted us. The marriage debate made us examine “domestic partnerships” and “civil unions” at age 25, only to realize it isn’t enough for us. Five years into our relationship, the thought of marriage is still overwhelming. It is not something we would rush into. Simply having the option to marry is more important to us.

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