make that a priority. It is not selfish, it is your survival. She apparently has too many issues and she is taking advantage of your kindness. I would have kicked her out before it got this bad. People do not change. Expect more of the same from her. Take care of YOU!!! I speak from experience.

I am worried to send her into a spiral or homeless situation... It's bad out there.

But she's gotta know that, and hold herself to a better standard of behavior

I went through something similar. Please remember how she treats you reflects on her, not you. Her actions are causing this situation. Even though I am not religious, The Serenity Prayer got me through. I’m still dealing with the emotional wreckage after 3 years, but I try to only carry the responsibility of my actions in the situation, but not the guilt she wants me to carry.
Be kind to yourself. You are a lovely person. Don’t let her dim that beautiful First Light. ?️

And thank you for sharing such a challenging time.
You are resilient, brave and very kind.

Evicting her is not you doing it to her; it's her receiving the consequences of her abuse. What's next? Does she come after you with a butcher knife? You don't need that kind of abuse. Clearly she cannot control herself. Take care of yourself first.

Your situation will not improve if you don’t. Check Catholic Charities. They take in the soon to be homeless and actually help with behavior issues. At any rate, get help. Abusers escalate!

... to evict her.

I know you didn't ask for advice, but your life may well be at stake. The help she needs is out of your hands.

again, this is il law, but i didnt need a lawyer. but check your state.
there r model notices out there.

i’ve had to get rid of a couple tenants and a couch surfer. in truth, that 30 days is just until you can file for eviction. then you have to wait for the sheriff to show.
but in my 3 cases, all left by that date.

Also I would take pictures of the cell and laptop, and document everything. Just in case you need it.

Give her 30 days to find another place to live. But make the notice formal.

Take care of yourself.

in no way does that limit the creativity of the notice.

i had some tenants that i gave a verbal notice. they had no lease. they paid in cash. but they knew i needed to give written notice anyway.
as it happened, i had 2 dead printers at the time. i spent a ridiculous number of whole days trying to get one or the other going. it dragged on for a couple of months.
broke down and bought a new one, and wrote a long notice about their behavior and why i was kicking them out, and why they best not find out what happens on day 31.
i printed it on 11x17 paper, in a huge font, and taped it to every door in the bldg.
they were finally out 3 wks later.

maybe writing up the would feel good. put it all in a 1st draft.

..of yourself first. (((hugs)))

You should be able to get back to your accounts in with just your password.

You said you had a friend helping out...surely you can call your kids from there?

IT's kind of you that you're trying to look out for her, but at this point, maybe you should take care of yourself first.

Get her gone as quickly as possible.

And unless you are in a formal landlord/tenant relationship I doubt she has any right to stay.

Sounds like she's nothing but trouble.

Get her out.

Honestly, she did this to herself (and unfortunately, you). Evict her. See if you can find a real estate attny to help protect you in this.

The best way you can help her is to refuse to enable it. She needs help, true. But she has to first admit she has a problem and get it - herself.

Change door locks, get cheap outdoor cameras to keep yourself safe if need be. But really, this is on her.

You're being abused. Financially, personally, emotionally. Please don't let it continue. She knows you are a kind-hearted person and her abuse will only escalate. You must protect yourself.

I was stress sick all night, puking every other hour... Flop sweat, the works. Had to take a freaking Dramamine to stop enough to sleep.

Got the eviction notice done, she was already packing yesterday, we haven't spoken. I'm still feeling icky so I am trying to rest and stay cool in my room. She got a ride to the Dr apparently earlier, just heard the front door about half hour ago...

Google account is still locked, they want me to submit a fucking claim... I created a new email and reached out to the family and a couple friends to keep them looped in.

Meanwhile, let my tummy stop! 😫

She'd hug me and say " don't waste your tears..." 😭

Last edited Fri Aug 11, 2023, 06:29 PM - Edit history (1)

Always.

❤️ Believe me, she's still very near...but oh, I miss those hugs!!!!

... which is how I learned not to call her when I was in my darkest places.

Cherish those memories and don't waste your tears.