I read a post in the Lounge about what nice things parents have said to posters. One post triggered me. I came from
Last edited Sun Dec 3, 2023, 11:04 PM - Edit history (1)
a very abusive family. I was very smart, creative and hardworking. I was never told that by my parents. At the end of September my father died. I called him every week to see how he was. The house stinks terribly from 30 cats and a dog peeing and pooping all over. I felt bad that he is gone, but I don't feel the grief.This is the man who punched in the mouth knocking my baby teeth out, put a hunting riffle to my head and said he was going to blow my brains out, etc,etc. At the funeral, I made a picture board for him and had the funeral director put my rosary beads in his hands. At the funeral visitation, my mother and sister were talking to a group of relatives about how my father and myself have the same type of nose--like a Jew nose, my sister also chimed in about my Jewish nose. The relatives all started to laugh. I was disgusted and went outside for a walk. The falling day, my mother starts screaming for me to take my rosary out.I tried to but his hands were stiff and I couldn't get them out. Mother continued to scream. I asked my husband to do it for me. I am so angry at my Mother and Sister. knowing how they treated my dad.I have finally taken words of wisdom for my doctor and posters here to go no contact with my family. I saw a neurologist in October and must have scans done on my skull.spine and legs. She never called to see how the tests went. I have posted under the topic of Useful Idiot about how she used my sister's cancer to garnish 1000 from the staff where my sister works. I told them she should donate to the Magee Women's Hospital. Answer was no. Even though my spine and legs hurt, I sat there for a 5 hour procedure(which I also had when I was 32) and the 12 hour Hysterectomy After the scope, I had a can of pop thrown at me and cookies I tried to feed my sister spit at me. Mother said nothing. I wanted to print some of my words of wisdom and encouragement from my mother and father which is slightly different then what is posted in the lounge. I envy them. I am not mad at the posters Here are a few
"You pimple faced whore" said by brother many times in front of my parents
"Close the windows, the neighbors don't need to hear her crying" as my brother sat on my chest punching me in the face
"What do you want me to do about it: when I told my mother I had reach menopause at 32 and would never have a child.
" He is a bastard" Mother in reference to my adopted son
"I shit you out, not the other way around" when I asked my mother to apologize for the above remarks she made about him
= new reply since forum marked as read
"she peculiar" Grandmother sticking her finger up my vagina, when she gave me a bath every Satuday night. 
My Z (hubby), one of my daughters, our son in law, and two grandchildren were here for Thanksgiving. Not sure about Christmas. I'm basically anti religion (see all of the harm it does) but it'll be something similar.
I'm the 7th of 8 children, and don't speak really with my one surviving brother - I won't have anything to do with anyone who likes Trump or is fervently anti-abortion or some such nonsense. I wouldn't speak with them for almost a decade - well I did speak with two of them a tiny bit, but they're the only ones who stood up for me when I was attacked by the rest. Family dynamics can be weird. I'm just glad I broke the cycle and never abused my children in any way.
I would just not have anything to do with your family. But that's the way I am. Quintuple Scorpio here - when I am hurt/angry I cut people out very easily. Very easy not to look back.
I thought about suicide for years and years and was finally hospitalized for it. Family trauma. I was diagnosed with Major Depression, and childhood PTSD. I'm doing much better - grateful for my Z as he was a mental health specialist for 30 years. How else could he deal with me? 
Sending you all of my love,
Rebecca
You sound like such a good person, you don’t deserve any of the abuse you got and I’m sorry it had to happen to you. It’s a credit to your strength and emotional maturity that you’re doing as well as you are.
Please know we all love and support you here. 
I didn’t have the greatest childhood memories of Christmas either or any other time when I became an adult. When my father passed away we were not on speaking terms and that always bothers me. And my mother said many strange and mean things to me and it was only until after she was gone that I understood it was from dementia but at the time I didn’t understand and it felt very hurtful. When I got married and walked down the aisle everyone turned around to look at me except my mother, she sat with her back to me staring straight ahead still as a stone. Many years later I asked her why she couldn’t be happy for me on my wedding day and she replied she didn’t know why, she just couldn’t. I always envied people who had parents who were their biggest supporters and cheerleaders and best friends. I guess those of us who didn’t have survived in spite of it, but gosh don’t the holidays trigger us. I think you did the right thing cutting them out of your life. Just my two cents. Hugs to you.
Hannukah
were days off from the abuse.
That says a lot about you and how you turned out after the hell you survived.
I admire people like you and my mom who somehow managed to break free, refusing to pass along whatever abuse and neglect they suffered as children.
My mom wasn't an outstanding parent, she didn't really know how, but she did not raise me and my siblings in the manner she had been raised. She was always there for us and we were never forced as children to "be the adults" in our family as a consequence of our parents' failures. The buck stopped with them.
My grandma was a Holy Terror of the Wild West who eventually had to be removed from the home she owned as a danger to herself and others.
Half her neighbors loved the little old lady, half were terrified of her. She was handy with guns and knives and her tongue was sharp enough to kill.
The worst Thanksgiving holiday of my life, the one that led to a bad car wreck, me being "asked" to take a time out from school and far worse, began with my grandma. She was living with my parents at the time because no "assisted living place" would keep her and it would have been wrong to smother her with a pillow.
In retrospect, examining my own scars, I can sorta figure out why my grandma and my mom turned out the way they did, but it ain't always easy. I'm intensely aware that I'm a quarter of my grandma.
