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kozar

(2,118 posts)
Mon Feb 26, 2024, 06:39 PM Feb 26

Just visted LilBit

She was a blank, she , didn't know,who I was.
I hugged her, OMG, how she smelled from BO!
I called Florida Medicare, and reported
Called the head nurse at care center.

We are watching LilBit die.
God, I hurt so bad right now
Koz

23 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
Highlight: NoneDon't highlight anything 5 newestHighlight 5 most recent replies

Nictuku

(3,614 posts)
5. Unbearable
Mon Feb 26, 2024, 07:05 PM
Feb 26

I'm so sorry. I know my tears won't help. Nothing can. Just know that I care and feel your pain.

hlthe2b

(102,292 posts)
6. Somewhere deep in her non-communicative "soul," I have to think LilBit knew you were there...
Mon Feb 26, 2024, 07:08 PM
Feb 26

Try to hold onto that and let yourself be at peace that you are doing/have done everything available to you.

kimbutgar

(21,162 posts)
7. There is nothing worst them seeing a loved one deteriorate and you feel helpless to stop it
Mon Feb 26, 2024, 07:10 PM
Feb 26

You did the right thing though reporting to Florida and the head nurse. But I would also call the facilities manager and report what you saw.

Beastly Boy

(9,375 posts)
8. Hearing this hurts, Koz.
Mon Feb 26, 2024, 07:10 PM
Feb 26

I can tell the difference between the smell of someone who is dying and the smell of a neglected person.

Are you sure that the center personnel is not just slacking off in your absence? Can you visit LilBit more often, just to show them they will not get away with not doing their jobs the way they are supposed to?

She may not remember your name or what you look like, but she knows who you are. Believe me.

flying_wahini

(6,606 posts)
10. Yes the squeaky wheel gets the grease.
Mon Feb 26, 2024, 08:03 PM
Feb 26

They don’t like getting reported. Make a note of who is on duty with her and ask the staff there what’s going on with Lilbit today? Some doughnuts really will mark you in their minds and they will know who you are too.
Nobody should be sitting in a dirty bed or clothes.

WinstonSmith4740

(3,056 posts)
11. So sorry, Koz
Mon Feb 26, 2024, 08:10 PM
Feb 26

Went through it with my mom. She'll have flashes of who you are...cherish them. In fact, I know that somewhere, my mom always knew who we were. We're here for you.

And kick some serious ass at that care center. There's no excuse for that.

SWBTATTReg

(22,133 posts)
12. At least you have her in a place where in theory, they can keep a 24 hour watch on her, so she won't hurt herself.
Mon Feb 26, 2024, 08:20 PM
Feb 26

May the powers that be, keep an eye on her, and also, on you...be sure to watch your health too, and take care of yourself.

JustinBulletin

(73 posts)
19. Sending you thoughts to give you some comfort
Mon Feb 26, 2024, 09:34 PM
Feb 26

I lost my husband a year and a half ago after a long illness. It is the hardest thing to feel so helpless in the face so much pain with death hovering all around. I understand. Take care of yourself.

TygrBright

(20,762 posts)
20. Holding you and LilBit in my heart, Koz.
Mon Feb 26, 2024, 09:46 PM
Feb 26

That hug meant a lot - whether she is 'tracking' or not, kindness is always a blessing.

lovingly,
Bright

Warpy

(111,275 posts)
21. How hard is it for you to get to see her?
Mon Feb 26, 2024, 10:24 PM
Feb 26

Obviously she's going to need more frequent visits so you can get a real sense of what's going on.

Was she wearing clean clothing? Was her bed clean and dry?

Did she respond to you when you hugged her? The blankness is concerning, do you think they could be sedating her? Had she been out of bed that day?

Did she look like she was getting enough food and fluid?

Answering these questions will give you a better idea of whether or not she's being neglected.

You need to find a way to visit. That's the best way to ensure she isn't being neglected. Complaining via phone was good, a letter is better, but the list needs to be a bit more complete.

Good luck, Koz, and don't be afraid to make enemies. Sometimes that's necessary.

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