2016 Postmortem

niyad

(114,012 posts) Mon Jul 11, 2016, 06:20 PM Jul 2016

Trump’s Jesus Advisor Will Resurrect Your Dead Relatives For Low, Low Price of $1,144!

(I WISH this was from the Onion!!)

don't stop believin'

Trump’s Jesus Advisor Will Resurrect Your Dead Relatives For Low, Low Price of $1,144!

image:
Paula-White-Donald-Trump-800x430

Perhaps the strongest evidence that Donald Trump may be slightly more cynical about religion than he claims to be is the fact that the religious advisors he has chosen to surround himself with are the absolute most batshit kind out there. He’s not even just going with regular old Jesus Freaks, he’s going with ones who say they can stop tsunamis with their minds. You know, the kinds of people you would probably only say were a good representation of Christians as a whole if you were making fun of Christians. It’s pretty clear that his thing here is “OH, these people are crazy, so I will pick the wackiest Christian advisors I can find, and then they will think I am the greatest.”

ENTER PAULA WHITE!
Paula White is the lady what put together Trump’s Evangelical Advisory Committee. Reportedly, she is also the one responsible for leading Trump to accept Jesus Christ as his personal savior. Which is not surprising, since they have a lot in common, in that they are both really into scamming people for lots of money! Naturally, she is a televangelist — the kind of televangelist that is into the whole “prosperity gospel” thing. This means that she asks you for money and tells you that if you give her money, that God will be all like “Good job, you!” and then you will win the lottery or something. Which definitely is not any kind of scam at all! Also I have some land to sell you in Florida!

She’s gotten into some trouble for this before.
But what makes this lady special, in a sea full of Creflo Dollars and Joel Osteen? WELL, she has got a special and unique product! A RESURRECTION SEED. A magical bean of some kind, which will resurrect you or your dead relatives, or something! On Easter! Just like JESUS! And it only costs $1,144 dollars!

. . . . .

White then revealed to her audience that she didn’t normally request a specific amount in monetary donations but said God was very specific about the amount required for the so-called resurrection seed.
“There’s someone that God is speaking to, to click on that donation button by minimizing the screen. And when you do to sow $1,144. It’s not often I ask very specifically but God has instructed me and I want you to hear. This isn’t for everyone but this is for someone. When you sow that $1,144 based on John 11:44 I believe for resurrection life,” said White.

. . . .

Read more at http://wonkette.com/603950/trump-christian-advisor-paula-white-ressurection-seed#5jY3eGVTSIvTXKVA.99

19 replies

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Trump’s Jesus Advisor Will Resurrect Your Dead Relatives For Low, Low Price of $1,144! (Original Post) niyad Jul 2016 OP

That's all I fucking need AnnieBW Jul 2016 #1

only if someone else is going to spend the money. would guess that you will not!! niyad Jul 2016 #2

If you give $2,751 you get zombies. longship Jul 2016 #5

Jesus Christ will heel you. longship Jul 2016 #3

I am shocked, shocked ! I tell you -- to learn that The Donhole associates with grifters ! nt eppur_se_muova Jul 2016 #4

Yeah, expected grifters would have better sense! whistler162 Jul 2016 #10

who said it isnt about the $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ MFM008 Jul 2016 #6

A true grifter for Jebus... MineralMan Jul 2016 #7

Anything to get a mansion KingFlorez Jul 2016 #8

God prices souls in US dollars? central scrutinizer Jul 2016 #9

nah, it has to be good old US of A dollars--you know, from god's chosen people. niyad Jul 2016 #11

That's actually a pretty good deal. Warren DeMontague Jul 2016 #12

will have to check that out. I guess they have not been frequenting the malls here. niyad Jul 2016 #13

. . . . niyad Jul 2016 #14

And it was Obama who had the pastor problem(headslap) rusty fender Jul 2016 #15

Two Corinthians don't go very far these days... VOX Jul 2016 #16

good thing I wasn't drinking anything! niyad Jul 2016 #17

Holy shit... tallahasseedem Jul 2016 #18

well, there is speaking to the dead. the resurrection thing is new to me, as well. niyad Jul 2016 #19

AnnieBW

(10,482 posts)

1. That's all I fucking need

Reply to niyad (Original post)

Mon Jul 11, 2016, 06:23 PM

Jul 2016

Someone to make a zombie out of my mother. She'll come back to life and start nagging me again!

niyad

(114,012 posts)

2. only if someone else is going to spend the money. would guess that you will not!!

Reply to AnnieBW (Reply #1)

Mon Jul 11, 2016, 06:24 PM

Jul 2016

longship

(40,416 posts)

5. If you give $2,751 you get zombies.

Reply to AnnieBW (Reply #1)

Mon Jul 11, 2016, 06:40 PM

Jul 2016

Matthew 27:51-53:

51 Then, behold, the veil of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom; and the earth quaked, and the rocks were split, 52 and the graves were opened; and many bodies of the saints who had fallen asleep were raised; 53 and coming out of the graves after His resurrection, they went into the holy city and appeared to many.

And they ate people's brains, or something.

BRAINS!!!

longship

(40,416 posts)

3. Jesus Christ will heel you.

Reply to niyad (Original post)

Mon Jul 11, 2016, 06:28 PM

Jul 2016

And I mean that literally.

He'll heel you right in the backside; right where it hurts the worst.

No more Preperation H needed for you.

She is a scammer. Just like any pastor who passes the collection plate. That means all of them.