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Exultant Democracy

(6,594 posts)

112. Yeah it's called white privilege, not knowing the forces she unleashed.

Mon Jan 15, 2018, 05:32 PM

Jan 2018

Last edited Tue Jan 16, 2018, 06:07 AM - Edit history (2)

When rich white girls go to parties in LA and wear native head dresses they don't know how terrible what they are doing is, and she clearly this rich white girl doesn't understand the context of what she has done either.

Put simple when you make accusations like hers in the public against a brown man you need to understand you are putting his life on the line. I don't think a bad date should rise to the level where you might get killed, I think it is wildly irresponsible. Had he raped her I would say fuck him, or even if he had physically moved her head onto/toward his penis, but he didn't do any of that.

The vast gulf between how DU (and the world) responded to this and the James Franco accusations tells the whole damn story. Ashly Judd made sure to give James Franco her benediction for what by all accounts is far more troubling behavior, considering there was a troubling teach student power dynamic in the consensual yet very disappointing relationships.

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Aziz Ansari [View all] Proud liberal 80 Jan 2018 OP

You go first. ret5hd Jan 2018 #1

I think that things were not clear Proud liberal 80 Jan 2018 #3

Read it yesterday the whole account is weird since he asked multiple times for acts and even express uponit7771 Jan 2018 #2

But then she does them janterry Jan 2018 #8

RIGHT !! It looks like she had enough chances to say I'm outtah here uponit7771 Jan 2018 #34

I understand he performed oral sex on her, she reciprocated briefly but then wanted to stop. brush Jan 2018 #59

She gave him oral sex twice. Loki Liesmith Jan 2018 #157

I think we need a national discussion on rules for sexual behavior. MineralMan Jan 2018 #4

What is enthusiastic consent? Proud liberal 80 Jan 2018 #7

It's simple: MineralMan Jan 2018 #10

I beg to differ. It is difficult to detect enthusiasm. Very difficult. Yavin4 Jan 2018 #128

No, it's not if you're paying attention. MineralMan Jan 2018 #136

How do you define "know the person"? Yavin4 Jan 2018 #143

My boyfriend told me, when we met, ..... usedtobedemgurl Jan 2018 #47

So I a guy can never ask for it? Proud liberal 80 Jan 2018 #48

I never said that! usedtobedemgurl Jan 2018 #51

No, you are right Proud liberal 80 Jan 2018 #56

I don't disagree with it Dorian Gray Jan 2018 #144

Smart boyfriend. I never went that far with it, but MineralMan Jan 2018 #77

Yes and he always knows I want him as much as he wants me! usedtobedemgurl Jan 2018 #86

Never work...you can not legislate sexual conduct...except on the job...private has to remain Demsrule86 Jan 2018 #12

Not laws. Personal rules to follow. MineralMan Jan 2018 #15

I think every person has to decide that for himself. Demsrule86 Jan 2018 #61

Well, of course. I have no power to make people do anything. MineralMan Jan 2018 #74

Of course...and decent guys do. there are more decent guys out there than the other kind...And I was Demsrule86 Jan 2018 #93

You're right. It's all the golden rule. MineralMan Jan 2018 #109

That is so true. I had three brothers and a sister...I understand what it is like. My Mom Demsrule86 Jan 2018 #120

Agreed! IluvPitties Jan 2018 #16

Except nobody is saying you can't ask for sex mythology Jan 2018 #35

Anytime you have sex with someone you don't know, you take a risk. Hell my brother is internet Demsrule86 Jan 2018 #55

That's why its good to get to know someone MineralMan Jan 2018 #75

I agree...I was never one to wake up with strangers. My brother had not even progressed to that Demsrule86 Jan 2018 #90

going down on him multiple times may have been interpreted as enthusiastic consent lunasun Jan 2018 #102

That was a very confusing situation, for sure. MineralMan Jan 2018 #110

Pretty much my rule. Blue_true Jan 2018 #121

I think Al Franken was railroaded and I will never get over it. Eliot Rosewater Jan 2018 #129

I'll go first! janterry Jan 2018 #5

The same woman who wrote that article wrote a scathing one about Al Franken. kcr Jan 2018 #11

oh..... janterry Jan 2018 #14

My point is that author is no feminist, radical or otherwise n/t kcr Jan 2018 #19

Great article nini Jan 2018 #79

Article was posted here yesterday Drahthaardogs Jan 2018 #6

Be sure to follow the link in the article to read what she wrote about the encounter... PoliticAverse Jan 2018 #9

i think a guy who is looking for a condom during the first kiss mopinko Jan 2018 #13

I agree. MineralMan Jan 2018 #18

I will never shame a woman for reaching for a condom on a first date... usedtobedemgurl Jan 2018 #50

. NCTraveler Jan 2018 #76

Bingo! regnaD kciN Jan 2018 #113

i didnt say first date. i said first kiss. mopinko Jan 2018 #127

For him this was just a hookup. JI7 Jan 2018 #137

If you look at the responses.... usedtobedemgurl Jan 2018 #158

well i admit i am a little rusty, and mopinko Jan 2018 #164

No worries. I wish you much luck... usedtobedemgurl Jan 2018 #171

yeah, it does blow. mopinko Jan 2018 #172

Oh no! usedtobedemgurl Jan 2018 #173

not really. mopinko Jan 2018 #174

Winner kcr Jan 2018 #21

I don't totally agree with this because there are many cases JI7 Jan 2018 #24

I dont think its jerkish to be looking for a hookup. tammywammy Jan 2018 #26

He's a jerk, but that's not illegal. IluvPitties Jan 2018 #28

Curious -- is a woman a "jerk" if she wants a casual hookup... regnaD kciN Jan 2018 #114

I think it's more dangerous for the woman than the man oberliner Jan 2018 #155

I dont know. alarimer Jan 2018 #17

Nearly all heterosexual men? oberliner Jan 2018 #38

Nope. Ask almost any woman. alarimer Jan 2018 #88

Most women I know are happily married to men they love oberliner Jan 2018 #96

In addition, there are entire segments of men.... RhodeIslandOne Jan 2018 #122

Exactly oberliner Jan 2018 #154

Blatant generalization of straight men. IluvPitties Jan 2018 #43

The truth hurts. alarimer Jan 2018 #89

No, unthinking generalizations hurt... regnaD kciN Jan 2018 #105

I am very glad that I have never known any men like that. Tipperary Jan 2018 #148

She clearly should've left after going to the bathroom to collect herself. By not leaving she sent.. brush Jan 2018 #69

IT IS NOT HER FAULT. alarimer Jan 2018 #91

She still should've left. Not leaving was not a good decision. brush Jan 2018 #98

He's an inept lothario but not a rapist. TexasBushwhacker Jan 2018 #20

Good response! smirkymonkey Jan 2018 #23

Finger and/or thumb sucking TexasBushwhacker Jan 2018 #25

I have experienced this bluedye33139 Jan 2018 #31

Ideally they will find someone who likes it TexasBushwhacker Jan 2018 #32

I think she was expecting more on a date with a celeb JI7 Jan 2018 #22

Repost from other thread . But I think its importang PoorMonger Jan 2018 #27

This is an excellent post. Thank you mythology Jan 2018 #37

She clearly should've have left after going to the bathroom to collect herself. brush Jan 2018 #71

It made me sad bluedye33139 Jan 2018 #29

I think that woman who made the claims probably has trouble recognizing her responsibility in life. David__77 Jan 2018 #30

********T.V. show spoilers****** One of the last episodes of his show Upthevibe Jan 2018 #33

+1 I checked that show out once and was bored in mins.,but I am going to Netflix and finding lunasun Jan 2018 #134

The lynching of a brown man by a rich and spoiled white girl Exultant Democracy Jan 2018 #36

You think race is a factor in this? oberliner Jan 2018 #39

Emmett Till was killed because a white woman lied about sex assault. Exultant Democracy Jan 2018 #41

So brown takes precedence over woman when the woman is white. Got it. nt Dreamer Tatum Jan 2018 #46

That's not what the poster is saying. IluvPitties Jan 2018 #49

Yes it most assuredly is. nt Dreamer Tatum Jan 2018 #58

Well it definitely was in the past Proud liberal 80 Jan 2018 #62

I think common sense should take precedence and we should call shots as we see them. Exultant Democracy Jan 2018 #63

Just wow. Hope you're not a prosecutor at any level. nt Dreamer Tatum Jan 2018 #64

Why? Exultant Democracy Jan 2018 #68

Because you need it explained to you why. Dreamer Tatum Jan 2018 #72

No seriously why? Because I wouldn't charge him of rape? Exultant Democracy Jan 2018 #73

Speaking of explaining, explain why that woman didn't leave after... brush Jan 2018 #179

I don't think your comments are out of line at all. Demit Jan 2018 #70

She didnt accuse him of assault. PoorMonger Jan 2018 #78

Carolyn Bryant didn't have to say go lynch Emmett Till Exultant Democracy Jan 2018 #84

Look PoorMonger Jan 2018 #101

Yeah it's called white privilege, not knowing the forces she unleashed. Exultant Democracy Jan 2018 #112

You discount power dynamics here though PoorMonger Jan 2018 #117

He had no power over her, period. John Fante Jan 2018 #138

Nope, not saying you cant have casual sex PoorMonger Jan 2018 #146

You are giving her no agency and ignoring her own words Exultant Democracy Jan 2018 #147

Still think PoorMonger Jan 2018 #162

Push away his fingers but complain that the oral sex he performed was brief Exultant Democracy Jan 2018 #177

See , I still dont see oral sex as a promise PoorMonger Jan 2018 #180

Lol at duck you typo. PoorMonger Jan 2018 #181

Performing oral and then following him to the bedroom Exultant Democracy Jan 2018 #182

Article doesnt say it was a bedroom. PoorMonger Jan 2018 #186

He is being pilloried for sex assault and it's too late to walk it back. Exultant Democracy Jan 2018 #190

Again, I agree that its shitty PoorMonger Jan 2018 #191

So white feelings are more important than brown lives? Exultant Democracy Jan 2018 #192

Thats a gross misrepresentation PoorMonger Jan 2018 #195

Her conduct wasn't exactly without clarity either. She should've left... brush Jan 2018 #183

She also got more upset because she saw him win an award RhodeIslandOne Jan 2018 #123

Maybe not PoorMonger Jan 2018 #125

He won an award for acting RhodeIslandOne Jan 2018 #126

That was 60+ years ago oberliner Jan 2018 #87

But no one knows Timothy Coggins, Timothy Caughman or Lennon Lacy names because these victims Exultant Democracy Jan 2018 #92

Understood oberliner Jan 2018 #97

Oh I agree and said as much. I doubt she understands the mortal danger she put him in. Exultant Democracy Jan 2018 #100

Why Kansas? oberliner Jan 2018 #168

The murder of Srinivas Kuchibhotla and attempted murder of Alok Reddy Madasani Exultant Democracy Jan 2018 #176

Understood oberliner Jan 2018 #188

All sorts of incorrect. mythology Jan 2018 #42

But she never says any of that so.... Exultant Democracy Jan 2018 #57

She said: He sat back and pointed to his penis and motioned for me to go down on him. And I did." David__77 Jan 2018 #66

One strange thing was she accusing him of trying to get her drunk but complaining they left wine bettyellen Jan 2018 #82

Ahhh...didn't she do it twice? brush Jan 2018 #184

Regretting your decision is not assault eissa Jan 2018 #40

Correct! IluvPitties Jan 2018 #44

Right. She's 22 or 23. Surely she'd been on dates before? Demit Jan 2018 #65

She's been on bad dates before TexasBushwhacker Jan 2018 #131

OK maybe I really don't want to know all of this..... lindysalsagal Jan 2018 #45

I think its the other way and the pendulum Proud liberal 80 Jan 2018 #54

Yes- that's the danger here. IluvPitties Jan 2018 #60

Really not enough to go from. Also some pretty hollow terms she is using. NCTraveler Jan 2018 #52

I have a video clip that explains it precisely lapfog_1 Jan 2018 #53

I thinks it's a lame first 'date' nini Jan 2018 #67

My take: She really, really, wanted it to work out. Laffy Kat Jan 2018 #80

Yeah. I think you're on to something TexasBushwhacker Jan 2018 #132

Not sure I'd go that far as calling her a groupie. Laffy Kat Jan 2018 #133

These two flirted around for awhile..... LakeArenal Jan 2018 #81

Pretend, for a moment, that the woman is your daughter VMA131Marine Jan 2018 #83

Pretend for a moment that the man was your son eissa Jan 2018 #99

Except, that's not remotely what happened VMA131Marine Jan 2018 #103

Youre right eissa Jan 2018 #104

So you'd kick him in the nuts too! VMA131Marine Jan 2018 #108

No need to appeal to emotion. John Fante Jan 2018 #116

How much detail about your daughter's sex life are you privy to and do you feel privileged ... marble falls Jan 2018 #196

She should've left after the first oral sex and she wanted to stop. brush Jan 2018 #187

But she did order the lobster so Drahthaardogs Jan 2018 #135

There's a reason we don't let victims/defendants families sit on juries RhodeIslandOne Jan 2018 #124

My daughter would have got up and walked out nini Jan 2018 #193

Trial by media. I'll get the pitchforks! Oneironaut Jan 2018 #85

So she should stay quiet about it? oberliner Jan 2018 #153

Honestly, we should leave this case alone. IluvPitties Jan 2018 #94

I don't validate that he's a jerk. David__77 Jan 2018 #106

But we won't... regnaD kciN Jan 2018 #115

She has the right to tell her story oberliner Jan 2018 #152

Good, as nothing should happen to him either. IluvPitties Jan 2018 #160

Aziz did everything appropriate at the time. Now ole girl is coming back with some underthematrix Jan 2018 #95

Pressuring someone to have sex who doesn't want to is appropriate? oberliner Jan 2018 #151

Define pressure. Is it like Alana being "pressured" to join underthematrix Jan 2018 #169

Admittedly, I am only going from the first hand report by the woman in question oberliner Jan 2018 #170

Yes I read this article about underthematrix Jan 2018 #175

Thank you! IluvPitties Jan 2018 #178

I highly doubt the social class stuff. Exultant Democracy Jan 2018 #185

No, I meant have you read her piece? oberliner Jan 2018 #189

His signals that he only wanted a hookup were pretty clear Orangepeel Jan 2018 #107

Props to him for letting her know right away this was a one night stand not love by condom mention lunasun Jan 2018 #111

Oh my hadn't read that. underthematrix Jan 2018 #194

For a first date, that was pretty demanding treestar Jan 2018 #118

It wasn't unromantic for a hookup TexasBushwhacker Jan 2018 #142

Maybe that is the term that should be used rather than "date?" treestar Jan 2018 #163

Most men don't do very well at listening to women. milestogo Jan 2018 #119

Maybe he didnt hear the no clearly woolldog Jan 2018 #145

Ughhh.... IluvPitties Jan 2018 #165

Why didn't he stop? WhiskeyGrinder Jan 2018 #130

Receiving oral sex? John Fante Jan 2018 #140

No, the stuff before that. WhiskeyGrinder Jan 2018 #141

Exactly the right question. Aziz knew she was uncomfortable..... marble falls Jan 2018 #197

Non verbal cues? What is wrong with "no"? McCamy Taylor Jan 2018 #139

That was my question too. Tipperary Jan 2018 #149

"I stood up and said no" oberliner Jan 2018 #150

Aziz Ansari Is Guilty. Of Not Being a Mind Reader. NY Times Contributor IADEMO2004 Jan 2018 #156

Dear Grace .....Ashleigh Banfield HLN: Sorry you had a bad date lunasun Jan 2018 #159

Good. It's common sense. IluvPitties Jan 2018 #161

I agree with the NYT column today malaise Jan 2018 #166

It's called bad sex, it happens. SummerSnow Jan 2018 #167