A message to the Former Office Occupant: [View all]

By now, many of us have had the pleasure to read your latest tidbit of online wisdom/mindless word salad. I won’t bother repeating it, but it’s clear that you have telegraphed your true feelings to the world quite well.

For it is quite clear from what you wrote that you consider your current President not to be Joe Biden, the duly elected and sworn leader of the country in which you live—a man you refer to nothing except simply “Biden”—but rather the Russian leader Vladimir Putin, of whom you brag you gained his “respect” and who you so warmly and venerably refer to as “President Putin.”

This of course is a anti-democratic autocrat who has stifled dissent, attacked and interfered in our elections and institutions, invaded his neighbors and seized their lands, and most recently poisoned his chief political rival and then imprisoned him for the crime of surviving.

We get it. You view Vladimir Putin, and not Joe Biden, as your President. And if that’s your true feeling, that’s fine. Who am I to force you to feel otherwise?

But you know what that means, don’t you?

It means if it’s the Russian President who you consider your President, you’ve got to move there.

And for the record, at this point I’m more than fine with it. Yes, part of me yearns to see you summoned to court and spend the rest of your living days in some correctional facility under either federal, New York or Georgia jurisdiction.

But that will take time and frankly we’re all quite sick of you and just want you out of our hair.

Now, your new President Putin might see fit to put you up in a villa in Rostov-on-Don, like he did for Viktor Yanukovych. Or maybe he’ll stick you in a godforsaken one bedroom Khrushchyovka in frigid Norilsk. I suppose that’s just a risk you’ll have to take.

But I can see no more fitting ending to you legacy if you were to spend your last days confirming to the country and the world what we knew you were but what you so desperately tried to deny:

A Russian asset, useful idiot to Putin and traitor to the United States of America.