General Discussion

We are trying to figure this out in our home also. My oldest made a feeble suicide attempt a couple of years ago. We have since had to teach them with very rigorous effort to understand and feel what certain media does to affect our brains as we watch it. The oldest used to consume several hours at a time of very emotional/dramatic video content. Then she used to get very emotional about everything. So we worked hard to limit this content to 1 or 2 episodes at a time and she and I worked to find content we both could enjoy together. One of the shows we tried was Breaking Bad because it was on AMC and we both though we would like the action. I couldn't make it through 1 or 2 episodes (I think it was 1). I got really frustrated by what I was experiencing on the screen. Months after trying, she and I were visiting my best friend in another state and I asked him if he had watched the series. He replied that he tried but did not like what it was doing to his mind. That identified it perfectly. I have been suffering depression for years that I never had before marriage and have been seeing a therapist for over a year. After visiting my friend, explained our conversation to my oldest and she understood, because she had been trying to work on finding better content as a favor to me (I also checked on her constantly and she gave up her relentless efforts against it). I was starting to find her watching old Disney and Pixar things she grew up with.

So I have been struggling to get my head back (after an emotionally abusive 23 year marriage) and have found there are old sitcoms from the 90's and forward that feel like they are doing positive stuff in my head. Mostly about people struggling to come back from their past or struggling to find their better selves (Grace Under Fire, Coach, Mom, Community, Grace and Frankie, and even the narcissistic Seinfeld after watching a documentary on how Larry David's personal foibles are characterized by the George character). There is one sitcom that helped me identify this better feeling called Kim's Convenience on Netflix. If you don't know about it yet, I love the struggle the store owner undertakes to understand and deal with himself and to own his own crap.

Also, Gandhi's grandson, Arund Gandhi wrote a short, easily consumable book about the power of anger. I am not an angry person, but it is loaded with little nuggets that describe his time with his grandfather who taught him about compassion and dealing with hard people and the world that comes at you. He was a kid who had to deal with his grandfather who had the world coming at him. This compassion and the wisdom required to be compassionate became a major tool in dealing with family stuff - the feelings of guilt, failure, the lack of appreciation of the good things about me that I admire in other people.

I understand that getting out of bed, taking care of myself, etc. takes a lot of strength.

My friend went through a divorce years ago but our deep suffering has been concurrent. We dealt with it differently, and I need to tell you, we both learned something critical: I spent a lot of time really working hard in thinking, processing, understanding and learning about our situation for several years and figured many things out and my girls are doing well. However, my ability to work and the stamina to stay on top of my responsibilities diminished to almost nothing. He on the other hand kept busy gardening cooking (it took him 2 hours to prepare dinner for me and my daughter and he clung to routines to get from dawn to dusk to put one more day behind him. The difference between us was that by keeping busy he was taking care of himself. My stamina for those things had almost completely dulled out. Now he can think about and process things a little, etc., and keep moving forward. I on the other hand struggle to do the things I need to pay bills, stay out of debt, take care of myself etc. I even had to learn to resolve that in procrastinating my heaviest responsibilities with the most mundane things like laundry, cleaning, etc were ok sometimes because I try to prioritize the more serious responsibilities, which if they take days or weeks, the other lessor things stack up into serious problems. I am doing much better and a couple weeks ago my 'If I do this task, I will better afterward and possibly while I do it' kicked in after years of not having it. So this is getting better for me.

You should learn as much as you can about what trauma entails. In short it is one side of the brain not being able to pass parts of the trauma(s) to the other and back. It is the shock of loss, pain and unfairness. Good people feel these things the most because they are good people. I told a cousin who has been putting an abusive marriage behind her that we are both good people...they took advantage of us. Media content and social media take advantage of us and our loved ones.

I hope your struggle and suffering is no bigger or more than it has to be every moment from here on out. Also, have a couple of friends or family to visit once in a while who don't care about anything else but are glad to see you on their doorstep. It takes a little edge off for a little bit.

Best to you and your loved ones!