Reply #128: I completely disagree [View All]

..and in fact think that basic attitude has been at the core of most of the breakdown of healthy society. All this talk about sex being this overwhelming natural primal urge is a joke. People choose to have sex and choose not to have sex. It is not something beyond their control. Sex is a relational experience, it is connected to emotion and to relational connection to another person. It ought to be treated as one of the deepest and most intimate expressions of affection in serious mutual relationships. All we have to do is look around and see the effects of when it isn't. Our society's unhealthy and frivolous attitude toward sex is the cause of so many ills - disease, abuse, exploitation.

And just because having sexual release is a good thing doesn't mean "sportfucking" is a good thing. Clearly sex is not connected to love for many these days, but it is inexorably connected to relationship. You concede that it shouldn't be taken lightly for many reasons, chiefly for the emotional hurt of the partner and the biological dangers of contact. But apparently you and I have different definition of what "seriously" means. It seems a little funny to me when people keep trying to defend frivolous irresponsible sex with some kind of "natural order" seeing as how all you have to do is look around at the amount of disease spread that has a very simple solution - stop running around fucking everything that moves. Apparently perhaps life is trying to tell us that frivolous casual sex with a revolving door of partners isn't in fact part of the healthy natural order.

If instead, we took an attitude of sexual responsibility and ethic, and accepted sex as inseparably linked to relational commitment if not to love, and saw sex as the pinnacle expression of fidelity and intimacy to a partner we were committed to monogamously we wouldn't have the sexual disease epidemic that we do. And everyone knows this, and yet they still try to act as though somehow thoughtless casual sport sex is "natural." Don't make "natural" arguments. Thoughtless casual sport sex is nothing more than irresponsible - it is irresponsible relationally, irresponsible emotionally, irresponsible societally. And our casual attitude about sex is a large contributor to our depersonalized, desensitized alienated dysfunctional relationship society that so many - for reasons passing understanding - still try to justify rather than repair.

You keep speaking so negatively about the ugliness of human beings, yet it is not a fact that all people act in sexually irresponsible of even impulsive and frivolous ways. But many, many people choose to go years at a time and not have a sexual relationship. I have done that myself. The reason why is because of they believe something different what I believe about the nature of sexuality and sexual expression. I am not interested in depersonalizing flippant sex flings under the rationalization that somehow human beings are walking sexaholics that have to have sex to live. I believe, in fact I know, that sex and sexuality is a freakin wonderful thing it is also inseparably connected to relationships and relational ethics, and as such it is a responsibility as much as it is a pleasurable experience.

The world would be a much better place if sex was understood and accepted to be something where everything does NOT go as is the attitude so common today, but rather where the same kinds of ethical and relational considerations which govern the rest of our lives also govern our choices about sex. A world wherein we recognize and accept that sex is deep and intimate expression between two seriously committed people - sex affects emotions and spirit as well as body. And when it is riped out of that context and cheapened into frivolous meaningless sport, it dulls the emotions, hardens or breaks down relationships, alienates and estranges more than it unifies as well as creates the sex attitudes that have led in part to our disease epidemic - none of which would have happened in the first place if we had just kept to the "unnatural" practice of not going around thinking we have a god given right to fuck everything that moves.

Sex and relational commitment are connected. When they are not connected, sex become irresponsible - and it is that attitude of irresponsibility that has had such negative effects on our society.