Reply #76: Couldn't Agree More [View All]

I had to participate in the decision to remove my father's respirator, 4 and a half years ago. It was the hardest fucking thing I ever had to do in my life...and let me tell you, I've gone thru this life the hard way!!
I am a transsexual, just to give you an example of how hard my life as been...the shit I have had to put up with...the tests and endurances struggles I have had to go thru...the incredibly difficult decisions I have had to make in my life.
Nevertheless, I can honestly say, participating in the decision to remove my father's respirator was...and still is...the hardest fucking thing I ever had to do. It damn near wrecked me emotionally.

My father and I hadn't gotten along very well in the last years of his life, due to his non-acceptance of my transition. But I always knew he didn't want to be kept alive by heroic measures.
I stood to gain nothing from any will, as my mother was (and thankfully is) still alive. Furthermore, my father had cut me out of the will, all but one dollar, and put a clause to the effect that the will was non-contestible. (Since then, my mom has changed it.)

I drove up to Pennsylvania, from Louisville, KY...which was, at the time, my home. 12 hours on the road...crying, agonizing, not knowing what I would do or what to expect. Mike and The Mechanics were on the radio singing "In The Living Years" when I started out. To this day, I cannot bear to listen to that song...it breaks me up....it's way too close to home for me.

My dad did not have a Living Will, so they needed TWO family members to sign off on removing his respirator. My mom was one, and I was the other. Before we did...both of us offered to donate a kidney each to my father. No good, said the doc...without a new liver, he will just destroy the kidneys you could give him...and he is not eligible for a liver until he has been off alcohol for at least six months.

At that point, they could put him on a list and maybe he'd get them, maybe not. Meanwhile, my dad's body was shutting down, organ by organ. There was no way he was going to survive six months...there was nothing more we could do. I signed off, knowing it was what my father would have wanted.

By this time, my father could communicate only thru hand sqeezes, one meaning yes, and two meaning no.
At the time his respirator was removed, I broke down. I forgave him everything he had ever done to hurt me (and there was a LOT of it, let me tell you!) And I asked him to forgive me. He sqeezed my hand once, to indicate he forgave me everything I had done to hurt him.

As it turned out, fate and the law gave me the chance to make that final peace...and for my dad to die with dignity. It is not a decision made lightly. It was still the hardest fucking thing I ever had to do. I cannot imagine this man in Florida made his decision lightly, either.

The parents, meanwhile, are simply living in denial, refusing to accept that, unfortunately, their daughter is NEVER going to recover. THIRTEEN YEARS she has been in this state. And here comes good ol' Jebby, to grandstand and make a few political points...and ten walk away, leving everone else to deal with the emotional wreckage!

I'm so disgusted with Jebby it is absolutely unreal! Besides...when did it become the law that the Executive Branch could overrule, unilaterally, the Judicial Branch? If that is the case in Florida, then why even have a Judicial Branch?

More to the point...this is a family matter. And I know I would come back and HAUNT the motherfucker that made ME live like that for thirteen goddamn years!!