Reply #104: Thank you for this thread [View All]

As a 25 year old female, Ive spent alot of my life online or innundated by media at this point. Online, I've had to mask my sex or become a hyperfeminist, blinking through the rage as "bitch" is routinely thrown at me when people arent intelligent enough to argue my points, only attack me personally. It hasnt happened on DU, probably because I dont reveal my sex. I have seen it happen on DU, but to a much lesser degree as on most bulletin board systems.

The internet is the world of technology, until quite recently it's been a man's world and I havent seen them enjoy us bashing their party. Ive had so many things to me said online when engaged in political debates that Im pretty damn sure a man would never in his life say to my face. The internet lets the subconscious free.. and the subconscience seems to be very misogynist in most cases. Another responder alluded to the question of wether the percieved change in equal rights and respect was real, deep down in in the hearts of some. And I really feel that it isnt. Putting on that face seems to breed even more resentment in these people.

I guess I should get to the questions before I ramble on about other topics, eh? :)

Are women gaining or losing ground in the battle for equality or has it remained stable in the past decade?

In the last decade I came to adulthood, out of the cradle of metrics and academia. It has been a rude awakening. I learned that all of those things that I was taught as a little girl growing up werent true. Now as I look back at my mother's life, I realize she was teaching me a beautiful yet damaging fairytale that she never experienced. She was always paid less then her male counterparts with much more responsibility. She always put in a ridiculous amount of hours trying to make it, to "prove" herself. But got token promotions while males got promoted through golfing games and strip club outings. Now, 25 years later, she finally found a company that almost gives her the respect she deserves.. but damn, what a struggle it was. She still doesnt make the money her male counterparts do, but the differences arent nearly as great as they once were.

In my own personal life, I feel like the average woman is losing ground. I work in the technology field, which is probably the worst good ole boy field one can work in. No matter that I've got my MCSE +I, CCNA, 7 years of experience, have successfully run my own consulting company (I didnt make millions, but it wasnt bad for a 20 year old at the time).. have recieved promotion after promotion (read, more title, more responsibilities, itty bitty pay increase), I still never make the same salary as my male coworkers.

Perhaps the most insulting case of it was when I was hired by a company at the same time as a 19 year old male. He had no certifications, 1 year of experience.. yet he was paid 7 K more then I was for the same exact job. This was after the dotcoms went bust and jobs were increasingly hard to come by in California. After working there for 2 months I notified my boss I was quitting, that they were incredibly sexist and that I could not believe with my qualifications they had the audacity to pay some kid with no experience, no education and no certifications 7 thousand dollars more then myself. Not only that, but the only other woman working in our department had been there for a year and made 1K less then me, 8K less then the kid.. yet she had a year of experience at the company. They had my pay raise authorized within 30 minutes and like an idiot, I stayed on. The cycle continued until Id had enough. But it's the same everywhere, it was the same at every job prior. So, I started my own company and I still have to deal with selling it to my male clients who arent quite sure because Im a female. But I love the fact that most of my clients are female and they choose my firm because Im one too.

Outside of the work environment and the glass ceiling that we not only hit but are asked to windex.. the media has definately regressed in the last 10 years. Im shocked and awed by television and magazines. I remember as a young teenager, I would read my mother's Cosmo mags and they would be a little racy, but they were mostly focused on women's issues. Now, Im friggin aghast at the crap that is in them. Everything is about objectifying yourself sexually. As if your vagina is the only thing you have going for you. That, and of course, your toned body in clothing not fit to wear in public. I fear for our young girls. They are like "How to become a whore/ slut/ virgin" manuals. I took my 16 year old cousin to her first concert the other day and I couldnt believe the way these 13-16 year old CHILDREN were dressed. Their innocence and female power is being stolen from them at such a young age that I wonder if they will miss it? If they will ever even know about the power that a very active group of feminists gave them at large personal cost. I really doubt it.

Why are some women now reluctant to identify themselves as feminists?

I am a proud feminist. I have wonderful strong women in my life that refuse to accept feminism as a bad thing. Im incredibly lucky because of that. But, out in the real world, away from these women.. it's like being feminist means you are man hating bitch. I've said I was a feminist in classes throughout my educational career and had men go from sexual harrassment to pure hatred and contempt. Society has branded feminists as radicals, along with the PETA supporters and Tree huggers. And to society, we are alot more dangerous.. because we could be lurking anywhere.

Do you think men have become more accepting of the idea of women as equals or is hostility increasing as they feel threatened in their position of dominance?

I think men have been forced to become better at the art of patronizing. I dont think most accept women as equals. Engage them in a debate and by the end, half of them are rabid and foaming while spewing the word bitch because you let them know that equality isnt real and gave them a handful of reasons that they couldnt refute. But the successful man, he has to get past that stage. So, he silently seeths if we threaten his dominance, going to more good ole boy rallies to ensure his place in the food chain.

How can we break down the hostility that seems to exist between both camps?

If I knew the answer to that question, I could win the Nobel Peace Prize. :)

I also wanted to touch on a couple of other topics discussed in this thread. Back to the media. I think, in all fairness, it's destroying men as well. Men are constantly emasculated by being cast as whiny "sensitive" men, gay men, or hapless knuckle dragging football watching, cant wipe my ass without my wife's input nincompoops. So, naturally, young men turn to the violent masculine gangster or psychopath -- Who wants to be an emasculated feminized male? While women are only portrayed as "strong" in fantasy stories like Buffy and Xena.. and in those stories, they are completely objectified sexually, stealing any empowerment away. I dont even need to go into the rest of TV.. like The Man Show, Reality TV, etc.

I think it is all about dumbing down the masses.. Make women ditzy, perfect bodied bimbos and make men idiots or columbine gunmen. Either way we will all psychologically destroy ourselves so much that we have no capacity to keep the government and the corporations in check.

I could go off about male female relationships, the fact that women rarely have meaningful relationships with other women anymore.. etc, etc... but this is probably enough for now :)

I needed this thread so I could vent. Thank you. Who needs a shrink when you have DU? ;)