Reply #40: everything, used excessivly loses it's effectiveness [View All]

By the way, Old and in the way, this is not directed at you, I got off on a larger rant, forgot I'd hit 'reply' to your post.

groundings, timeouts, talking-tos, finger pointings, tasers, everything.

why, I was once sent to bed without supper! can you imagine? talk about child abuse! that's starvation! and one time? my grandmother washed my mouth out with soap after I said a naughty word! both of those are as violent as spanking.

Look, there are many forms of violence against children, almost anything taken to excess (and excess means different things to different people.) I am thrilled that there are so many DUers who take the time to teach their children every single lesson using the Socratic method. I am ecstatic that so many DUers are concerned about children. But you know what? kids aren't all that fragile. I'm 30, for instance, and many of the things I fondly recall doing as a child have been eliminated for 'safety' and 'well-being' of children. You know what? I broke my leg falling off a stone wall. It got better. I broke it again skiing. once again, got better. I have a trick shoulder from dislocating it when my uncle yanked me backwards out of traffic (can you imagine taking a child to the ER today with the report "My 30 year old brother dislocated his arm pulling him" he'd be investigated by CSD immediately. Of course, if he hadn't done it, my face would resemble the front grille of a Volvo, but whatever. My shoulder got better too. As did all the other injuries I picked up. I was a clumsy kid, now that's a sign of child abuse. Hell the one thing I didn't break was my ass the one time my mother spanked me.

I know kids who grew up in houses where they never saw their parents. some are normal, well adjusted adults. some aren't. I know kids who were spanked on occasion and ones who weren't. some are 'normal' some aren't. I know kids who were coddled, ignored, abused, babied and nurtured. Some are 'normal' some aren't. I have a friend who grew up ina fucking war zone, he's a lot better psychologically than I am, with my 'normal upper middle class WASP' upbringing. Kids are not porcelain dolls, they are incredibly resiliant. It really is a matter of luck, genes and environment. it almost always works, as long as you love them and do your best to do right by them, kids work out. strangest thing that.

When did we become so obsessed with perfection? you cannot be the perfect parent. anybody who says they do all their disciplining by 'talking' to their children is either a: incredibly lucky, or b:
cruising for a fall.

I'll give you an example. My aunt and uncle, great people, both special education teachers, loving parents, tolerant but strict, enabling of harmless behaviour (dying hair, wearing absurd clothing) but strict on dangerous ones (helmet wearing, homework, curfew,drugs) had a teenage son, my cousin, who died in a drug overdose this summer. Who's to blame here? should it be his parents? obviosly, they failed, right? if children are such delicate flowers, then someone must be to blame for this, right? To me that is patently absurd. Sometimes bad things happen to good people, and sometimes good things happen to bad people.

lesson? raise your kids the best way you know how, and hope you get lucky. Don't listen to other people's snarky suggestions, and don't give snarky suggestions to other people.