Reply #12: The sabotage may be her attempt to find a way out [View All]

without actually admitting she wants out. It may be that something else is going on in her life, or it may just be burnout with what she is doing. You guessed it right about he manipulating her. That's why she screams, blames you, and puts you on the defensive. It takes the others out of the equation, and puts the whole thing on you in a way that shuts you up. You have to walk on eggshells to prevent her next blow-up, and the others naturally take a conciliatory approach, since they feel somewhat relieved, maybe even a little superior (not on purpose, just as a reflex), for not being the object of the explosion.

It all sounds like a purely manipulative performance on her part to make you force her out, so she doesn't have to feel like she quit. She can blame you, instead of herself. You know the type, if you've dealt with alcoholics (as you mention in passing in the OP).

Sounds like that's what you already know, though. How to respond... I'd go with what you feel you should do. Your instincts are closest. You sound like the type who wants to confront a problem, with compassion, and find a solution that satisfies everyone as much as can be done. To me, that sounds like the perfect instinct, so I'd go with that. I believe that's a combination of all of the options you mentioned.

One thing, though. Don't let her do it again, whatever that entails.

And yeah, it does sound a little like the name you mentioned.