Reply #25: If you ever find that you've done something truley horrible, and [View All]

you're in trouble with the law, and you're in desperate need of help, get in your car, and take with you all your money, some MRE's (Meals Rejected by Etheopians), and a canister of pepper spray. Start driving, and don't stop until you get to Washington, D.C.

Once you're there, find a guard-type person, and tell him that you need to talk with Alberto Gonzales. Now, the guard won't want you to speak to him, because he's an important person, but you just tell the guard to tell him that there's a woman outside asking to speak to him, and that if he does not see her, she will tell an NPR reporter what he did on April 14, 2003. You will then be admitted to see him.

Once he finds out that you don't actually know what he did on that particuarlar date, you're going to have to start talking money to keep him talking to you. And he will help you, and make sure that you don't get in any trouble with the law. No matter what it is that you did, if you bribe him, he will justify it.

So what did he do on April 14, 2003? I don't know. But trust me, he is doing horrible things EVERY SINGLE DAY, so chances are, he'll fill in the blanks.

If that doesn't work, I know some people in Canada who will hide you. Email me, and I'll arange a ride, and when you meet them, tell them you're a deserting soldier.