Reply #10: Can't think of a joke, [View All]

but I have a funny story.

Well, kinda funny.

I was sitting watching some tv one (very dark) night, when I heard a sound like a gunshot or explosion.

I looked out back and saw that fire was pouring out of a neighbor's house.

So I phoned another neighbor to call the local firemen, then I ran to the other rental in order to use the hose there (that closest to the fire). Only I was wearing my inside-the-house sweatpants and the elastic was shot (no cord).

And I fell flat on my face (fortunately, I use Croakies).

I got up, holding my pants with one hand, and rushed to the hose bib, which I turned on while grabbing the hose.

Only the hose wasn't attached -- and a stream of ice-cold water spurts out, soaking me and making my pants heavier.

I turn off the water, attach the hose, and start pulling it towards the fire, only the slope below the spigot is not only steep, now it's wet. Plus, the hose keeps getting hung up.

And so I'm slipping and sliding, pants in one hand, hose in the other -- and every time I have to use two hands on the hose (which is spouting water, further soaking me), my pants fall down (I'm commando).

And believe me, that hose got hung up plenty (although the distance involved was small).

Anyway, I never did get the hose completely untangled, so I stood at the limit of its range, "thumbing" it (no nozzle) with one hand, and holding up my pants with the other (which were so wet and dirty, they wouldn't stay up even when I was standing still, unless I held them up).

Meanwhile, I'm cursing the fire department (which took a long time to show up -- they weren't at the station, although they were nearby) and yelling for someone to untangle the damn hose so I could get closer. (No one came, naturally -- as one would expect -- although some neighbors, including the guy renting the house with the hose, were nearby and could hear/see me.)

And, of course, 'twas a complete waste; I might as well have been peeing on that fire. (The house was "totaled".)

But one good thing came of it. A person living in the (burning) house came back when I was "fighting" the fire, and I had to restrain him from rushing-in trying to "save his stuff" (the house was completely engulfed -- and his room was at the back).

Morals:
* Wear pants that don't fall down.
* Wear underwear in case your pants do fall down.
* Never drink and play fireman.
* Eyeglass restraints are useful.