Reply #39: The title is cloddish [View All]

and indeed reminiscent of those 50's guides for housewives.

But it does make a good basic point about men: Sex is very important to them, moreso than we like to admit sometimes.

However, she doesn't go into the discussion about why sex gets pushed down on the list for women. And a large part of it is stress and too much to do during the day. Men seem to be able to shrug off stressors that happen during the day; we seem to accumulate them: The bank teller who gave us shitty service; the 3 yo didn't want to eat his lunch and pitched a fit; the interview I had started 30 minutes late. Oh, and I came home did the dishes, put them away, and did the vaccuuming, put away the toys, etc. Perhaps I also went to school too. Can you not see why I might be harried, burned out even, by the time we meet up?

What does irritate by its abscence (that's all it is; I'm not giving her any more credit than she deserves) is the idea that women don't have sex drives or wouldn't enjoy sex too. When I was married, one of my favorite parts of the day was come home from work sex. Best attitude adjustment ever. 'Course, the housework left something to be desired. And we didn't always have sit down supper. But pristine housekeeping wasn't my goal. Spending time with my husband was. But I suppose I might be one of the rare women who also enjoys sex as stress relief.

If men want sex as much as they acknowledge by general agreement with this article, then help us think of ways to alleviate the demands on us so that we are ready and relaxed enough to spend time with you. There is the old joke that nothing says "I love you" like a clean kitchen, but it's funny because it's true. This same scenario is played out in that Guiness ad that was posted recently. It was sadly funny and painfully obvious that the one guy doing all the housework felt very neglected and dismissed as a person.

Some ideas:

Frankly, if you both work, make good money, and you expect a pristine house, consider hiring help. Even having someone come in once a week can be a big help. That can cut way down on the squabbles about who does what and how much. I know I would. Again this leaves more time to think about and have sex.

If you have to go out and won't be home when I get home: leave me a glass of wine out on the counter and leave a note saying: I'll be back before you finish this, or whatever is appropriate.

The other thing is, as MissMillie noted, sex for us starts hours before: A hug. A shoulder rub. A pat on the back. Holding hands. A kiss. Nonsexual touch counts too. Mightily. That way I carry all those warm gooey feelings ( :P ) for you as we go our seperate ways for the day. This, just like the male sex drive, isn't an inordinate need. It simply is. And we need to find ways to accomodate both.

edit: I would also add that I was married to someone who didn't really understand when I tried to show him what I liked or what pleased me sexually. Quite the opposite. He was mightily offended. We're all different. If we want to show you a little somthin somthin, watch and learn. }( }(