Reply #48: Good to hear from you, OMC [View All]

Like many others, I've been checking here several times a day to see if there's any word from you. And although I haven't posted anything so far (I'm not that good at expressing myself in writing, and words seemed so inadequate in the face of the enormity of your situation), you and your little ones have been on my mind a lot. You said it best - your situation "just, simply, sucks". My heart goes out to you.

I'm a pediatrician, not currently in practice, so naturally your boys have been on my mind a whole lot. Thought I would point you in the direction of some resources that could help them.
Many communities have support groups for grieving children (even here in the red-state hell of OK we have one). I found this New Jersey group via the google:
http://www.rainbowsnj.org/ Looks like their main center is in Summit, which isn't real far from you, and they may have other centers as well. Their site has some pages with basic info for parents, lists of helpful books for parents and children, etc. There may be other groups nearer to you -- I'd bet that the nurses (and/or social worker) at Sloan-Kettering would be more than happy to help you find the best local resources.

Dr. Earl Grollman is somewhat of an authority on children and grief. Books of his include "Explaining Death to Children" and "Talking About Death: A dialogue Between Parent and Child". Here is the Amazon link for the latter, including reviews: http://www.amazon.com/Talking-about-Death-Dialogue-Between/dp/0807023639

I read some of Grollman's stuff years ago (I'm not sure exactly which book) and it seemed very helpful.


An interview w/ Dr. Grollman: http://www.highmarkcaringplace.com/professionals/grollmaninterview.shtml

When my sister-in-law was murdered by her abusive ex-spouse, leaving a 2 1/2 and 7 year-old, I read this book, and gave a copy to my mother-in-law, who raised the kids after their mom's murder:
"Season of Grief: Helping Children Grow Through Loss" by Donna Gaffney. Looks like it's no longer in print, but your library may have a copy. Written by a woman whose husband died (of cancer, IIRC) leaving her with very young children - I think one was only 4 or so.

Some of the better things that a brief google search (children grief preschoolers) turned up:
The "children's" page of the hospice.net website has a lot of good information: http://www.hospicenet.org/html/child.html

"The grief of preschoolers and the questions they ask": http://www.highmarkcaringplace.com/images/preschoolers.pdf


Virtual hugs to you and your little ones, Jeremy. :hug: :hug: :hug: