Reply #26: I can't agree with this [View All]

While your suggestion is well intentioned, I think it is incredibly invasive. Porn and masturbation are very private matters and do not always need to be shared with one's partner. I am a woman, and I would be upset if my partner expected to be there "controlling" the situation when I felt like a quickie all by myself.

Imagine if you addressed these lines to a man: "No more hiding. No more lies. YOU give permission on YOUR terms and with YOUR conditions. Now, you are in control of the situation. You are the one who sets the limits, YOU are the one who says continue or stop."

Can't you see how creepy and controlling this could turn out to be?

I do not want my enjoyment of masturbation or porn "controlled," nor do I wish to put myself in the position of "controlling" another's private pleasures. There are many, many times when my partner and I can enjoy being naughty together, but sometimes there is no substitute for a private moment with oneself.

I think that if she gets involved with trying to "control" her husband's use of porn -- giving him "permission" to use it where and when she likes -- then she is just making herself into a mommy instead of a lover. And that's creepy.

I would just ignore the porn if I didn't want it in my life. And, if my body issues were severe, I would try to address that. You can change yourself and your own mind. You are going to be less successful if you decide instead to try to change somebody else.

People do need some privacy -- some "hiding" or "secrecy" if you will. Space to breathe. Space to indulge in fantasy that doesn't have to be acted on, just enjoyed and then forgotten. It isn't about one's partner, it is about time and privacy to be in one's own head and body with total focus on the self.

Just my two cents.

On Edit: I just read the follow-ups to some other posts and realized you already addressed these concerns. Thanks!