Wise and Funny Quotes ! [View All]

I find television very educating.Every time somebody turns on the set,I go into the other room and read a book.

-Groucho Marx


It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience and the prudence never to practice either of them.

-Mark Twain


The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.

-W.C. Fields


Outside of a dog,a book is a man's best friend.Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

-Groucho Marx


It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.

-Mark Twain


Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

-Groucho Marx


I am free of all prejudices.I hate everyone equally.

-W.C. Fields


I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.

-Groucho Marx


Yogi Berra:

Once,Yogi's wife Carmen asked: Yogi,you are from St. Louis,we live in New Jersey,and you played ball in New York.If you go before I do,where would you like me to have you buried? Yogi replied: "Surprise me."

After being told he looked cool:"Thanks,you don't look so hot yourself."

"You should always go to other people's funerals;otherwise,they won't come to yours."


Please post your favorite ones.:)