Reply #7: well, be sure to piss off all the relatives... [View All]

Actually, that's inevitable.

My stepsister ended up being executor on my Stepfather's estate (and by extension, my Mom's estate -- long story). I'm not sure if she was trying to be official or just be a bitch, but as soon as my stepfather went into hospice, she started treating me like a criminal. I'd been taking care of the house while they were sick for months and could have easily helped myself to anything -- but all of a sudden, she had to have my key to the place.

I ended up buying the house from the estate, along with the contents, so I saved the estate the cost of a realtor, holding an estate auction, and saved her the trouble of prepping the house for sale. But, when I suggested maybe knocking a little off the price of the house (the amount she'd have to pay a realtor if it was listed) she wouldn't budge a dime. "We have to do this by the book." Even after I bought the contents (some of which was stuff that was mine that I was storing there) she asked for a couple pieces of furniture and some old dishes, and I didn't see a dime from those either. Oh, she also sold my stepfather's very nice car to her stepdaughter for a LOT less than market price. (Too many steps, eh?)

But paybacks are a bitch. Turns out my Mom had a bank account specifically left to my sister and I, excluding my wicked stepsister and ne'er-do-well stepbrother from a pretty respectable amount of money. They had the nerve to ask that we split that with them, but I told her "We have to do this by the book."

So, my advice? You'll need a lawyer and maybe a CPA to do all the tax work. Ask friends for a referral, or call around for a lawyer who handles estates. See if you can negotiate a flat fee, rather than a percentage, but try to do things in the spirit of your cousin's wishes. (Maybe start with the lawyer who drew up the will.) They might have a resource of tracing your cousin's bank accounts/insurance policies/assets based on her SSN, etc. just in case there are any loose ends.

Most of it will be pretty cut and dried -- banks generally require that accounts specify who gets the money in event of death, and you can take care of that stuff outside the "estate" so that if the lawyer insists on a percentage isn't entitled to part of that money. (Most bank accounts are outside of probate.)

If you can, get all the parties together to discuss their wishes, and whether anyone objects to you paying yourself an executor's fee -- you are entitled to a percentage. If there are any "family heirlooms" or photos or special items, those can usually be divided up outside of the estate as well, as long as everyone agrees.

Again, these situations can get ugly SO easily because emotions are running high, and a lifetime of resentments and feelings of deprivation can be inflamed as people try to "get theirs." Emphasize to everyone that family can not be replaced, and that everyone should try to keep things friendly and fair. Best of luck with it...I don't envy you.