English 101. This came to me this morning via email, uncredited. [View All]

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes, But the plural of ox
becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese, Yet the plural of moose
should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice, Yet the plural of
house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men, Then shouldn't the plural of
pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet, And I give you a boot, would
a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth, Why shouldn't the plural of
booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those, Yet hat in the plural
would never be hose, And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren, But though we say mother, we
never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him, But imagine the
feminine:
she, shis and shim!

Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine
in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England ..
We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes, we find
that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea
pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't
groce and hammers don't ham?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.
If you have a bunch of odds and ends
and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why isn't it preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be
committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.

In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
We ship by truck but send cargo by ship.
We have noses that run and feet that smell.
We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.
And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man
and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your
house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by
filling it out, and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

And, in closing, if Father is Pop, how come Mother's not Mop?