Reply #6: To remember that they really were here, to connect their memory to my world. [View All]

I have no afterlife beliefs, and not much concern for dead bodies. Cemeteries are places to connect to your past, and to feel it still connects to you. My relatives are all buried in New Orleans, so I don't see their graves much, but I visit a grave here in Austin now and then. It was a man who became a hero of mine, and I got to work with him for a while, and when I visit his grave I can remember more how I felt around him, and how he motivated me. I can also see the size of his marker, and realize how many others felt that way about him, and that reminds me of the impact he had on the world, which is more of an inspiration for me to try to fight for the things he did, and stuff like that. I can remember him other places, of course, or just when writing about him, but the grave sort of pulls it into focus more.

This is such a part of so many cultures that it's clearly part of our human psyche somewhere. Most cultures have some way of honoring their dead, and most have some tradition of bringing some physical artifact of the dead into their living world. Relics, heirlooms, graves, crypts, memorials, historical sites of birth or death places for famous people... most cultures do this in some way or another. Many use several of those methods.

As for families visiting graves, or holidays like Memorial Day or All Saint's Day where people collectively visit graves, that's more about respect for the living. Not trying to say what you should or shouldn't do at all, but for many people they tag along with Mom and Dad to visit Grandma and Grandpa's grave out of respect for Mom and Dad, and their feelings and emotions on visiting the grave. It's a way to show respect for Mom's and Dad's feelings and their ideas of family and tradition even if you don't feel it (that's something I'm not good at, either, btw).