Love me some Morford today [View All]

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/g/a/2011/07/13/notes071311.DTL&type=printable

Please protect the innocent conjugal sex fruit
By Mark Morford, SF Gate Columnist
Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Don't have sex. Gays are evil. Repress your urges. Close your legs. Quit asking questions.
Jesus loves Coors Light and large-caliber handguns. Iraq is packed like a Bieber concert with squealing nuclear warheads aimed straight at the Utah public school system. The homosexual agenda is alive and very, very real, and it wants to indoctrinate your children, steal your semen and organize your underwear drawer far, far too perfectly. Also, God is judging you. Right. This. Second.

Ahh, simpler times. Yes? You know? Back when? Not so many years ago, when we were laughing about a whole kookball buffet of socio-pathetic phenomena like abstinence education, fundamentalist zealots waving Bibles like wiffle bats, Hummers as mutant status symbols, failed trillion-dollar wars, promise rings and purity balls, Prop 8 Mormons and gay meth-snorting megachurch pastors and maybe, just maybe, getting a nice batch of anthrax in the mail?

It all seems so innocent now, so clear and silly and simple and perky and polarizing and infuriating and loud, and it all made a weird sort of sense, in the bloodthirsty, shameful context of the times: the world's worst president, the U.S. as petulant child, the political moral compass gone haywire.