My homophobia and how I overcame it..DADT related [View All]

I served in the Navy in the 80"s, was stationed on a carrier for the most of my five years of active duty.
We have/had a ceremony in the Navy that when you cross the equator (crossing the line)you undergo a conversion from pollywog to shellback, a rather brutal and degrading hazing that goes back many years.
One way to avoid the hazing is to become King Neptune's Queen, a beauty contest is held, one young sailor from each division is dressed up like a woman, given makeup and is judged and if you win you sit by Neptune's side and observe the ceremony
I was chosen in my division as the contestant, duly dressed, makeup was applied and given fake breasts within a bra, I looked good, skinny and only 19 I kinda scared myself on how well I was transformed.
The guy who did most of the work on me was one of the most funny and intelligent persons I had served with at that time, as ex-military knows, the 80's allowed anyone to serve, you just had to sign your name.
His name was Bill, red haired and mustachioed , he already had the make-up in a kit, I though that kind of unusual as we had been at sea for a few months at that time and make-up was not sold in our shipboard stores.
Anyway he did such a good job that I had to blacken out my front teeth to lose the contest, much to his dismay.
As it was in the 80's not much was said about homosexuality, not unless it was used as a verbal weapon so my impression was to be gay was to be deviant.
Bill was gay, I had no idea at the time but I found out later.
He always dressed neatly, got his work assignments done, passed all the tests for advancement, a 4.0 sailor..what the military wanted, but he kept his individuality, something I admired because the military is rife with drones.
Anyway, a few months after the ceremony he took me aside to to tell me he was getting kicked out, I asked him why as he was the perfect sailor, his reply was "if I tell I don't think we'll be friends anymore" and my reply was "don't tell me then"
Left unsaid we remained friends until he left. and since that day I have always felt ashamed that "I" couldn't let him tell me an absolute truth about himself. I knew, I just didn't know how I would deal with so I didn't...or so I thought.
Many years have gone by and I still think of him as my unique friend, not because he was gay but because of his sense of humor and intelligence at that time and place, so very different than most I served with.
I know DADT did not exist at that time but were it discovered you were gay...you got a discharge.
I don't know what became of him, I never kept in touch with shipmates after my discharge.
I just wish I could tell him I'm sorry that I was so immature
that's all