Reply #27: sure [View All]

marriage councelling, AND legendary Portuguese stubbornness, AND honor (marriage is a contract and I refuse to break it) AND Hapkido.

It wasn't easy, and it took many, many months to deal with effectively (and this wasn't a one-night stand thing... it was long term second relationship stuff).

However, at the core I simply could not accept waking up in the morning without her beside me. I was mad as hell, more angry than I ever was about anything in my entire life, but you can't be angry about stuff for too long before the energy needed to maintain that anger exceeds your abiliy to generate that energy. At that point you can make one of two decission, stay or go. I chose to stay.

I offered her a choice, stay here because you want to or stay there because you want to, but you choose. I refuse to be put into a position where you stay here and be unhappy and blame me for it. You choose to stay here, you do it of your own accord. I don't want to live without you, but I'll learn how to do it.

I forgave, we're human, human's do things, but I never forget and never will.

I love my wife more now that I ever have in our marriage. We have our 9 year anniversary this September :)

the best advice I ever got was from the councellor who said marriage isn't meant to be a steady state, or a flatline, it goes up, down, and sideways. Abandon your myths of marriage and accept the reality of things, then you can adapt to that constant change.

We still laugh, and argue, and debate, and cry, and (in some cases) sing, and play, and work, and live, and raise our son together. And it's great. We both learned, and it was a hard lesson, but it's not impossible.