Dear Rich People … [View All]

All you wealthy Americans, stop complaining and save the economy!

To: The Filthy Rich
CC: The Stinking Rich; the Pretty-Darned Rich
From: America

When the Gulfstream lands in St. Bart's, can you have your assistant set up a call? We need to talk.

Look, you've had a pretty good deal these past few years. We gave you everything you wanted. Massive reductions in the top income-tax rates? Happy to oblige. Cuts on dividends and capital gains taxes, which overwhelmingly benefit you? No problem. Going after the estate tax—excuse me, the death tax? You got it. We've even agreed to overlook the fact that you private-equity and hedge-fund managers pay only a 15 percent tax rate.

Because we like you, we've pretended not to notice your gauche taste and rude manners. (You know you're benefiting from the greatest concentration of wealth since the 1920s, right? The share of national income taken down by the wealthiest 1 percent rose from 14.6 percent in 2003 to 17.4 percent in 2005, according to Emmanuel Saez of the University of California-Berkeley.) We have sat patiently on JetBlue and Southwest as your private jets clog runways. We continue to bust our butts, defend the borders, and uphold the rule of law in order to protect your fortunes and property.

All we've asked in return is that you do a couple of things you're really good at: Spend and invest that money close to home. Hire us and buy from us. Keep the cash registers ringing, the asset managers managing, and all the service providers providing the many services you so richly deserve.

...

Yes, we've heard that the widespread woes of subprime borrowers are now hurting the primest of prime borrowers. (An act of karmic justice, perhaps?) Thousands of investment bankers are losing their jobs, and year-end bonuses for many on Wall Street were disappointing. We feel your pain. But that's no reason to stop spending. Stagnant wages haven't stopped the rest of us from dipping into our nonexistent savings to pay for bigger TVs and smaller cell phones. When we run out of cash, we borrow against our homes. Then we max out the credit cards, and start raiding 401(k)s and penny jars. We regard living beyond our means as a patriotic duty. Maybe you should too!

...

Just when the economy has started to take on water—and we don't know if we've just sprung a leak or we've hit an iceberg—you are racing for the lifeboats. Please, don't abandon us. Ski at Sugarbush instead of Gstaad. Invest in P.F. Chang's China Bistro instead of China. It might not be as rewarding, financially or psychologically. But your country needs you now, more than ever. And after all we've done for you, it's the least you can do.

Love,
America

Slate