You know what I did instead of watching the SOTU? [View All]

I watched The Two Towers, Extended Edition!

I mean, if I'm gonna watch over two hours of evil on TV, it's gonna be Sauron, not Bush.

And you know what? There was no handshaking or non-handshaking—although there was quite a bit of manly arm-grips and hugging in a sort of "I'm glad the Orcs didn't kill you" kinda way.

And Legolas and Gimli didn't get along, but they had fun kicking Orc ass together. And Faramir realized that the One Ring was just gonna fuck him up royally, like it did to his bro Boromir, so he let it go. And Sam and Frodo agreed that their quest was pretty shitty, but that it had to be done, so suck it up and head off to Mount Doom!

And tomorrow, I'm gonna finish it off with Return of the King, and you know what? I betcha anything the good guys are gonna hand Sauron's ass to him! Those hobbits are great at kicking ass in a Zen kinda way.

Yes, I have had one too many Bridgeport Browns, but you know what? My post sounds a hell of a lot less batshit crazy than some of the stuff here.