Reply #17: Typical tactic of a manipulator... [View All]

....bring up a touchy subject, have their say, then say "Oh I'm not trying to start anything, we better not talk about it". Of course not, why should she want anyone else to have their say? She already had hers! What a handy way to shut down others' opinions!

Far be it from me to tell you what to do, especially where family is involved. However, in my experience, letting that kind of bullshit go unchallenged merely means you will be dealing with more of the same.

I think it is good that you are preparing your rebuttals. If it was me, I'd be preparing some offensive maneuvers too -- tit for tat. She started it, so next time I'd just bring it to her and start it. And I would be sure to end whatever remarks I made with "Oh, but I'm not trying to start anything -- best if we just don't talk about it, I'm sure you agree."

Just my $.02

(of course I am just a random person on a discussion board -- so please filter through your own personal and family situation :-) )

(on the other hand, I stand by my remarks about her manipulative behavior -- and IMO the only way to combat that kind of behavior is to break the pattern -- even if it ruffles some feathers -- usually there is some sort of family dynamic involved and everyone expects her to go for the jugular and others to keep the peace -- so when others refuse to go along anymore, it will ruffle more feathers than just hers)