Reply #3: Heres' the deal. [View All]

There are two reasons why children do things they are asked to do. First, fear. Second respect. When obedience is based on fear, results are obtained only when there is external control. And children are taught, in fact, to find ways to get what they want without being caught, to cheat and, paradoxically, to depend on an external locus of control. Religion is based on fear and tries to develop respect on that basis. But this attempt is doomed to fail, precisely because at the root there is fear.
When obedience is based on respect, which includes a measure of fear, results are obtained because of the development of internal control. And children are taught to be self-reliant. Religion cannot base itself primarily on respect because respect assumes autonomy and self-reliance, which contradicts the fundamental pyramidal scheme of religious thinking.
The catch is that teaching through fear gets superficial results very fast, while teaching through respect takes time.
Clinically, when believers insist on obedience, they actually project on their children their own unconscious rebellious memories and punish and reinforce themselves through their children.