Thank God, I've helped friends avoid shame of being a conspiracy theorist [View All]

I, too, refuse to wear an effing tinfoil hat because cotton does feel better!

For goodness sakes, please DO stop thinking before someone can call you a conspiracy theorist. This is what I counsel all of my friends to do --

My friend Becky has found lipstick on her husband's shirts occasionally for the last few months and found a pair of women's panties - not hers - beneath the seat of the minivan when she cleaned it out yesterday. But I told her: Don't you put on a tinfoil hat! Wear cotton, it feels better.

My friend Greg has been getting all of these emails asking for his social security number and credit card information because websites he has never logged onto say that they need the information so that they can watch out for his privacy. I tell him: Don't you put on a tinfoil hat! Wear cotton, it feels better.

My friends Carl and Steve got some advice to invest in a brand new big-box bookstore that will be built right next to two other big-box bookstores in our small town. They are wondering whether they should invest or not because they aren't sure whether they should trust their investment advisor, since his brother owns the local construction company that will make huge profits just by building the store. I tell them: Don't you put on a tinfoil hat! Wear cotton, it feels better.

THANK GOD I HAVE HELPED STEER MY FRIENDS AWAY FROM THE SHAME OF BEING A CONSPIRACY THEORIST.

:sarcasm:

The 13 Techniques for Truth Supression

3. Characterize the charges as "rumors" or, better yet, "wild rumors." If, in spite of the news blackout, the public is still able to learn about the suspicious facts, it can only be through "rumors."

5. Call the skeptics names like "conspiracy theorist," "nut," "ranter," "kook," "crackpot," and of course, "rumor monger." You must then carefully avoid fair and open debate with any of the people you have thus maligned.

10. Characterize the crimes as impossibly complex and the truth as ultimately unknowable.

12. Require the skeptics to solve the crime completely. For example: If Vince Foster was murdered, who did it and why?