Reply #117: Well, my kid tried to play along and not let it get to him, all year. [View All]

That strategy didn't work. Neither did mine - when I decided to play along and keep my claws retracted and my powder dry. I ONLY got decisive action when I made a HUGE stink about it. I tried taking the high road and being reasonable first. It did no good, produced no positive results, effected no positive change, nor did it adjust or change the bad behavior of the bully/bullies.

I TRIED that. I went there first, seeking a truce, holding back, not rattling cages, not making a big issue of it, trying to keep things in perspective, trying not to take it too seriously or blow anything out of proportion. I gave it time. I tried handling it quietly, "just between us," at the lowest levels, not bringing the principal or vice principal into it, and not amping it up. So did my kid - in trying to reach peace with the main bully. I gave it from early November to early June. I TRIED the "aw, they're just letting off steam. It'll blow over" approach. So did my son, in repeatedly trying to diffuse a bad situation and solve the problem peacefully, like gentlemen. It didn't work, didn't help, didn't solve anything, didn't correct anything. THAT approach got us as far as John Kerry's did with the Swift Boat Swifties. Frankly, what I learned from this was NOT to waste as much time trying playing along, the next time. If I had it to do over again, I would have ripped the gloves off a LOT sooner, like back in November instead of waiting til the end of the year, while my kid was suffering every day, fighting depression, hating and dreading going to school EVERY MORNING, feeling isolated, alone, with no friends and no support, trying to make it work and repeatedly failing.

A bully can't always be counted on to behave as an adult (or as a reasonable human of whatever age), to see the light, and reform, on his/her own. I've learned through experience (beyond just this incident) that sometimes a bully has to be FORCED to behave, or face consequences. With too many of 'em, that's the only language they speak or understand, and if you're gonna get through to them and get anything accomplished, you have to speak to them in their language.